With appreciation to Karen Frohwein, Titus 2 Talk offers Chapter One of The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity. Author Linda Bartlett reads it in three sections:
Would You Like to Listen? (The Author Reads Chapter One)
June 8, 2015 by ezerwoman
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Linda Bartlett
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I’m a woman and when my sister was young I asked about her sex education in school (we’re from Australia) and she knew a lot about the mechanics of sex and no one had spoken to her about the emotions involved, etc. Also, she didn’t have practical understanding about how to put a condom on, how to get the Pill, etc – I wasn’t going to leave it all up to the knowledge and fumbling of a teenage boy. So I showed her how to put on a condom and we talked about other forms of birth control. This was in no way a push from me for her to become sexually active, I just wanted her to have options and be able to protect herself. One of the best things I’ve ever done.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. Certainly, you did not “push” your younger sister to “become sexually active.” But in providing the condom, showing her how to use it, and talking “about other forms of birth control,” did you, perhaps, encourage her? Did you, perhaps, give her the “green light” and, in so many words, tell her that you expect her to be sexually active?
I understand that you were (and continue to be) concerned about the sister you love. You didn’t (don’t) want her to be harmed in any way. You are correct. It is very important to discuss the emotions that are involved. But, an adolescent whose hormones are flowing and whose emotional part of the brain has kicked in gear is at a biological/physiological disadvantage because the pre-frontal cortex (judgment center of the brain) is not fully functioning. We can give a young person all the information in the world, i.e. the mechanics of the condom and how to get The Pill, in a caring, educational, and calm environment, but it is difficult for a boy or girl in the thick of an emotional and perhaps peer-pressured environment to make use of good judgment when that part of their brain isn’t functioning. Better than listening to me on this, please glean from Miriam Grossman, M.D. (author of “Unprotected” and “You’re Teaching My Child What” – http://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com) and Meg Meeker, M.D. (author of “Your Kids At Risk” http://www.megmeekermd.com).
I have a young friend whose father instructed her on use of the condom, put her on The Pill, and made sure she had the Gardacil shots. At 18, she was spending some of her nights at her boyfriends’ apartment and some at home with her dad. She confessed to much doubt and fear. She felt safer with her dad but attached to her boyfriend. Years went by. She tried breaking off the un-married relationship but, in reality, she had bonded to her boyfriend as a wife bonds to her husband. Hormones like oxytocin act as a glue for a relationship; indeed, a good thing when a wife bonds to the father of her children. In this case, my young friend repeatedly told me that her boyfriend would never make a good father to any future children; still, she could not bring herself to leave him. Of course not! She was truly stuck like glue! Her feelings left her vulnerable, but The Pill left her unprotected. Little did she know that The Pill actually enlarges the “T-zone” (transformation zone) of her cervix where the lining of a young girl is only one or two layers of cells thick. She is more at risk of infections. (Later, with maturity, a woman has upwards of 30 layers of cells.)
In a world of fickle emotions, extreme pressure to be popular, and the deep human longing to be loved, we actually do best to help boys and girls see themselves as God sees them and train them to resist the lie that we are predominately “sexual beings.” God sees young women like your sister as His beloved child. She is His daughter with a body, mind, and soul. She is a person of great value who can think, prepare for a future of hope, and set boundaries for her own personal good and the good of others. She is not defined by her sexuality, but by her personhood before God. That being the case, her best defense in a sin-filled and tempting world is not to be educated on how to “have safe sex,” but in how to honor her Heavenly Father who paid the ultimate price for her life through His Son, Jesus Christ.
Finally, no matter how you may or may not have mentored your sister, there is hope. You may still believe you gave her “options” and defend that as “one of the best things” you’ve ever done. But, someday, if it appears it wasn’t such a good thing, remember what the Cross of Christ is all about. Every failure and disappointment can be taken to that Cross and left there. Regrets and confessions of wrong-doing are forgiven by a merciful Jesus. Great is His faithfulness! It is new every morning!