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Ezer’s Handbook #5: Mentor Self-Control

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged anticipation, contentment, desires, emotions, happiness, heart, hope, patience, vulnerability of women on April 12, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Let’s keep rolling with opportunity #5…

#5 — MENTOR SELF-CONTROL
The grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us . . . to purify for Himself a people . . . who are zealous for good works (Titus 2:12-13).

Take a step toward happiness by learning to control your nature. In a fallen world, men and women must daily fight our natural tendency to sin. Parents in civilized societies have always known the wisdom of helping boys suppress two of their natural tendencies: strong sexual desires and a predilection to aggression or even violence. Likewise, parents in civilized societies have understood the wisdom of helping girls suppress their natural tendency to be ruled by emotions. Why is a woman who lives by her feelings and emotions less likely to be happy or content? What is the effect on others when a woman lets her emotions dictate her behavior? Visit Titus 2 for Life.

Resist following your heart. Ponder the following statements: “When it’s time to make a decision, I’ll trust my heart.” “He told me he loved me. The moment felt so right and my heart said ‘yes’”. “Some people say he’s not right for me, but I’m following my heart.” Can we trust our heart? What does God say in Genesis 8:21; Jeremiah 17:9; and Matthew 15:19? How can we help younger women train their hearts and minds? See Psalm 119:41-48; Proverbs 16:20; and Matthew 22:37.

Stay in training and run the race. St. Paul encourages believers to “run the race”, not “aimlessly” but with self-control (1 Corinthians 9:25-27). The world convinces women that we have the right to dress, speak, or act however we please. At what point do our “rights” hinder others? Can our lack of self-control put the faith of others at risk? A pastor’s wife used the ten-lesson Bible study I wrote entitled Dressing for Life: Secrets of the Great Cover-up with her volley-ball team at Christian camp (#LFLDFL, downloadable PDF from Concordia Publishing House). Her goal was to help the girls “exercise self-control in all things”, including their dress and behavior, so that they could be of help and not hindrance to young men who are also trying to “run the race” of faithfulness. Another resource for moms to use with daughters is Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre (Amazon).

Prepare young women to practice self-control with the goal of guarding their body, mind and soul. Mothers of daughters will find a great deal of biological wisdom in the book Unprotected by Miriam Grossman, M.D. (Amazon). As a campus psychiatrist at UCLA, Dr. Grossman treated some 2000 young women whose physical and emotional lives were impacted by sexually-transmitted infections, depression, abortion, and fertility issues. Fed up by the feminist ideology that insists that women are the same as men, Dr. Grossman left her position to tell the world why a woman’s body is more vulnerable and how to avoid physical, psychological and spiritual harm caused by unnecessary behavior. Purchase copies of the book for your local pregnancy resource center and young women in high school and college.

Be faithful in times of waiting. It’s not easy to wait for something wonderful. Too often, times of waiting stretch out for months and even years. While we wait, we can choose to be foolish or wise. A foolish woman anticipates good things but is not prepared to wait and does not have extra oil for her lamp (Matthew 25:1-13). A wise woman anticipates good things to come by keeping her lamp of faith burning brightly. When the waiting gets long, she doesn’t need to fear darkness and despair because her hope is sustained by the means of grace, namely God’s Word and Holy Communion. She remembers her Baptism and trusts her identity as a daughter of God in Christ Jesus. Filled with the Holy Spirit, she lives for Him rather than herself. Why do you think that “patience” and “self-control” are fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? While a young woman anticipates something wonderful in her life—most especially Jesus’ second coming—how might an older woman help her bear “good fruit” in her attitude, work habits and love for her neighbor? Does your congregational family intentionally mentor from one generation to the next?

What’s Next? #6: Mentor the Vocation of Motherhood

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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It’s the Little Things

Posted in Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, tagged celebration, contentment, dialogue, emotion, faith, family, friendships, joy, spiritual warfare, travel on November 30, 2010| 1 Comment »

Yesterday was my birthday. My gift was a day of joy. Joy is not an emotion or feeling that I “stir up.” Joy doesn’t come naturally from anything I do. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. And, on this day, joy was experienced in countless little things.

None of us knows how a day will play out, do we? There are days when everything seems to go wrong or when I just feel out of sync with God, myself and others. But, on Monday, November 29, every little thing seemed right.

No celebratory plans had been made. A road trip to Sedona before heading back to Iowa just seemed a good “spur of the moment” idea. With brilliant blue sky above us and hot coffee in our thermos (yes, a little cream), we weaved through the Superstition Mountains up to “rim country” and the cowboy town of Payson. Those of you who know me have probably figured out that I get “good” or “not so good vibes” from certain environments. A drive through Payson and then the little villages of Pine and Strawberry comforted me. While we drove, Paul and I were deeply involved in discussions of God’s Word and what He says to us, our family, and this culture. I was in my element. Joy wrapped contentment.

The road meandered through pine forests and beside red sandstone cliffs before dropping into the Verde Valley. Always before, we had driven I-17 to reach the red rock country of Sedona. Never again! This back country road provided peace for the soul but, at the same time, joyful anticipation: What’s around the next bend?

Sedona has a reputation for being a kind of “new age” mecca. A resident Lutheran pastor once commented on the spiritual warfare he discerns in this place where faiths collide. I’ve visited the shops where crystals, wicca wear, and all manner of cultish books are pandered. Paul and I have walked the trails where pagan ceremonies are sometimes held. But, on this day, we were not to be distracted by evil; rather, we were directed toward all the goodness of God’s creation.

Lunch was “just right.” Two cookies — cranberry oatmeal and chocolate chip — seemed the perfect treat following a half tuna salad and cup of tummy-warming soup. Half of each cookie was eaten piece by piece all afternoon. The other halves were saved for tomorrow 🙂 An hour or so was spent in a family-favorite shopping village of Tlaquepaque: Paul patiently content, me on a gifts-for-friends quest. Paul would rather be anywhere other than near a store but, on this day, he, too, relaxed in the presence of joy.

Joy in the little things continued all afternoon. Sons, Jon and Josh, both called at exactly the same time. Visits weren’t all birthday focused; no matter! The little thing of timing was significant to me. While Jon talked with Paul about farm matters on one cell phone, I listened to sounds of joyful chatter from our youngest grandson on another. Josh, our daughter-in-law, Alison, and six-month-old Max chimed in on speaker phone. Then, a friend called. Some text messages arrived. As a spectacular setting sun begged for attention, another call came to Paul from his brother. It didn’t matter that the call had nothing to do with my birthday. The joy was in the communication of siblings whose lives and good counsel matter to each other.

It would have seemed that the day was complete. Completely perfect. But, no, joy in the little things continued. Even in the darkness, the pine forests welcomed us back. The Christmas lights of Strawberry and Pine reminded me of the anticipatory season. A little detour off the main road through Payson took us to an unfamiliar, but charming restaurant. During dinner, two more text messages arrived from son, Jon, and daughter-in-law, Angie. When we arrived back in Gold Canyon, an e-mail from grandson Jaden awaited me. Our neighbor was still up, ready to hear about our day. And…

… this birthday girl pondered the joy of little things in her heart.

Thank you, my Heavenly Father, for the gift of this day. Thank You for stirring up joy that I could never do for myself. And thank You for my husband — who, on this particular day, carried not my burdens but delighted in my joys.

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We Have Choices

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged attitude, choice, contentment, happiness, husband, Jesus Christ, marriage, sacrifice, spiritual warfare, wife on October 21, 2010| 1 Comment »

Marriage is a grand idea. God designed it. One man + one woman + God = joy!

The male and the female: equal, but not the same. Compatible. Complementary. Two hands from two bodies playing one song on the keyboard of life. God bringing forth new life from one union. A procreative masterpiece.

Sigh. Now, in a fallen world, it is difficult (if not impossible) to imagine the perfection of God’s design. Marriage, like all relationships, is challenged. In the spiritual battle between life and death; good and evil; God and satan, marriage is attacked — relentlessly. Why? Because it is the cornerstone of civilization, a “nest” for children, and the hope for generations to come.

But, even in the most challenged marriages, God can (and does) work. When we see our role of husband or wife as one of our vocations, we better understand our call to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” A husband serves his neighbor (his wife). A wife serves her neighbor (her husband). Together, both serve their little neighbors (their children). God doesn’t need us to do anything for Him, said Martin Luther, but our neighbor does. God works through us to serve our neighbors.

Are we challenged in our service of others? Oh, yes. Even in the closest of families there are differences in personalities, mannerisms, preferences, perspectives, patience, confidence, show of love, and even humor. The lessons learned while growing up, personal experiences, and a motly mix of genes shape one person to be a little (or a lot) different from another. Still…

In marriage, as in all relationships, we have choices. We can build up, or tear down. We can focus on what’s working, or what’s not. We can serve, or wait to be served.

Contentment in marriage doesn’t come when someone acts the way we think we’d like them to. Contentment doesn’t depend on one person making the other happy or filling them up or meeting their needs.

Contentment is a “core” thing; it’s from the Cross. A Cross-focus rather than a “me” focus changes husband and wife, saint and sinner, from the inside out. Personalities and quirky habits remain, but a Cross-focused “core” changes our attitude. Attitude changes behavior.

Our response to our neighbor reveals our “core,” no matter if they make us happy or sad.

We love because He first loved us.

(1 John 4:9) In response to Jesus’ sacrificial love for us, how do we choose to love our neighbor?

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Titus 2 Retreats

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Vocation, tagged choice, contentment, encouragement, God's Word, lifestyle, marriage, mentor, transformation, women's issues on October 2, 2010| Leave a Comment »

The doubts begin about a week or so before each retreat. There is a hissing sound. “Who do you think you are?” Taking another look through the Study Guide brings mixed emotions: The Word is exciting, but will my manner of presentation be helpful or harmful?

On August 8-9, my living room was filled with nine women. My prayer was, “Please, dear God, don’t let me get in the way of Your Spirit.” There were Lutherans and non-Lutherans. Older and younger. Married and unmarried. Friday evening began, as always, with a meal. It’s a way to practice hospitality, not showing off, but showing respect. The women settled in for a night of contrasting the world with God’s Word before recognizing what Titus, chapter two, has to say to each of us in our vocation of mentoring. On Saturday, we continued with breakfast, two sessions (one being my favorite on “Identity”), lunch, and two more sessions.

This note arrived about a week later: “Thanks so much for welcoming us into your home for the Titus 2 Retreat . . . The material is excellent, well thought-out and organized. But, you present it with humility blended with confidence and commitment to the message. At our church, we are seeking transformation, not just information. And the Titus 2 for Life message is life-changing.”

Another note read, “It’s so wonderful to listen to someone who is so articulate, doesn’t compromise one bit of God’s Word — and gets it. I could have listened forever.” Another read: “Prior to this, I hadn’t considered the Genesis connection to Biblical womanhood.”

On September 17-18, a Titus 2 Retreat was hosted in Norfolk, NE. Eighteen women fit comfortably in Kathy’s peaceful and welcoming home. She did not “show off,” but showed respect for each guest by way of her caring and servant-style manner. Lutherans For Life members who assisted Kathy by helping with food explained their conviction and desire to help mentor away from trendy thinking to the foundational Word of God. By 3:00 on Saturday afternoon, all the women were tired. But, many lingered as if they didn’t want to hurry from a place of warmth and safety.

Titus 2 Retreats are not easy. Topics covered are counter-cultural and using the “double-edged Sword of Truth” is divisive. After a retreat, I am drained. I know each woman has a story. But, not knowing the stories, I pray for tender words of hope and encouragement. I am challenged to stay on track, yet allow discussion; speak what honors God, yet be alert to a variety of emotions.

Dear Spirit, You know my opinions count for nothing. They are not helpful. They are shifting grains of sand. Keep this little ministry rooted in Truth — God’s unchanging Word of Truth. On October 8-9 in the home of Sherry and with women from the Cedar Falls area,