Posts Tagged ‘boys’

The following post was forwarded to me.  Thank you, Terri!  This is wisdom from another “ezerwoman.”  This is true Titus 2 mentoring 🙂  Mrs. Hall, the mother of sons, expresses it so well that there’s no need for me — the mother of grown and married sons with sons of their own — to write something similar.  Young women wherever you are and whatever you’ve been taught by this culture: Please read this!  As for the moms of daughters (and sons), please visit Kimberly Hall’s blog “Given Breath.”

Dear girls,

I have some information that might interest you. Last night, as we sometimes do, our family sat around the dining-room table and looked through your social media photos.

We have teenage sons, and so naturally there are quite a few pictures of you lovely ladies to wade through. Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies in your pajamas this summer!  Your bedrooms are so cute! Our eight-year-old daughter brought this to our attention, because with three older brothers who have rooms that smell like stinky cheese, she notices girly details like that.


I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra.

I get it – you’re in your room, so you’re heading to bed, right? But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout.  What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know.

So, here’s the bit that I think is important for you to realize.  If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family.

Please understand this, also: we genuinely like keeping up with you. We enjoy seeing life through your unique and colorful lens – which is what makes your latest self-portrait so extremely unfortunate.

Those posts don’t reflect who you are! We think you are lovely and interesting, and usually very smart. But, we had to cringe and wonder what you were trying to do? Who are you trying to reach? What are you trying to say?

And now – big bummer – we have to block your posts. Because, the reason we have these (sometimes awkward) family conversations around the table is that we care about our sons, just as we know your parents care about you.

I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it?  You don’t want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?

Neither do we.

And so, in our house, there are no second chances, ladies. If you want to stay friendly with the Hall men, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent.  If you try to post a sexy selfie, or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – you’ll be booted off our on-line island.

I know that sounds harsh and old-school, but that’s just the way it is under this roof for a while. We hope to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.

Every day I pray for the women my boys will love.  I hope they will be drawn to real beauties, the kind of women who will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that my sons will be worthy of this kind of woman, that they will be patient – and act honorably – while they wait for her.


Girls, it’s not too late! If you think you’ve made an on-line mistake (we all do – don’t fret – I’ve made some doozies), RUN to your accounts and take down  anything that makes it easy for your male friends to imagine you naked in your bedroom.

Will you trust me? There are boys out there waiting and hoping for women of character. Some young men are fighting the daily uphill battle to keep their minds pure, and their thoughts praiseworthy.

You are growing into a real beauty, inside and out.

Act like her, speak like her, post like her.

I’m glad we’re friends.

Mrs. Hall


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I value the worldview and writings of John Stonestreet.  He observes that a generation of young men is choosing fantasy over reality.  Young men are becoming addicted to video games and online pornography on a scale unparalleled by any addiction that we’ve ever seen in history.

What does this mean for women?  Marriage?  Family?  This nation?

I think it best that John Stonestreet explain.

Please read his article by visiting Breakpoint (6-5-12 “Screwtape’s Formula” under Breakpoint Commentaries) or googling John Stonestreet and the title of this blog.

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There’s a soft spot in my heart for boys.  Not surprising considering that I’m mom to two sons and grandma to four grandsons.  This means I’ve been very attentive to the way America treats boys and men.  I do not exaggerate.  The culture is beating up on our boys.

Dr. James Dobson recognized it years ago.  It’s why he wrote Bringing Up Boys before he wrote his book on girls.  It’s why Christina Hoff Sommers wrote The War Against Boys.  But, the war on boys puts girls at greater risk, too.

“If just one sex wins, both sexes lose.”  These words were spoken at a recent event sponsored by the Boys Initiative in Washington.  The group believes that we need to start a national conversation aimed at improving the outcomes for American boys and men in school, work, health, and marriage.

“. . . [W]e have a national crisis, a national security issue, a state-of-emergency issue and a nation at risk,” stated Willie Iles, national director of government relations for Boy Scouts of America and board member of the Boys Initiative.  “If anybody cannot understand that, as we talk about investments and the return on those investments, which are our boys, then it is very clear we are going in the wrong direction.”

Cheryl Wetzstein, a columnist for The Washington Times, notes startling statistics.  “Compared to girls, boys are less educated and more medicated.  One in five men of prime working age is not working.  Men have a life expectancy five years shorter than women.  Male suicide rates start out equal to females, but steadily rise over the lifespan.

America is failing its sons.  Is this not shameful?

There is no time to wallow in despair.  There is work to be done.  It begins with respect and appreciation for boys and girls: equal, but different.  Let’s get over the foolishness that boys and girls are the same.  Each brings to society something good and necessary.  Rather than putting them into competition, let’s help them develop their complementary skills with confidence.    Let’s help them communicate and problem-solve, not in sexuality class, but by teaching skills for life and how to relate.

To my gender, specifically, I say: Let’s boycott women’s study classes at the university, stop laughing at “men are idiots” commercials, and walk away from conversations that put boys and men down.  As mothers of sons, let’s praise the faithfulness of husbands and, when they are unfaithful or uninvolved, point sons to the Perfect Man, Jesus Christ.  Let’s help our sons treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters, in all purity.  Let’s explain why we value brave men who protect us from wolves at the door.

Let’s give our boys (and girls) the far-reaching benefits of marriage, home and family.  It is folly for our nation and suicide for our boys to set fire to traditional and real marriage.  A male father and female mother model roles vital to their son’s social survival.    Together, dads and moms help boys channel natural aggressiveness into someday providing for their own families.  For goodness sake, let’s help our boys think and give them work to do.

President Obama has launched a national Fatherhood and Mentoring Initiative.  I’ll be honest.  Our boys and men — and, therefore, we girls and women, too — would benefit far more from the mentoring of a caring Christian community.  A community of older men and women who pass on the wisdom of experience, the practice of self-control, and the promise of identity in Jesus Christ.  A community that says, “No thanks” to federal grants or incentives with strings attached.

This momma bear perseveres in defense of America’s sons.  I do this best by assisting those who make the greater difference in the lives of  boys becoming men.  They are the weathered warriors who grip the Sword of Truth.  They are the men who learned their lessons well.  Who fell on humbled knees, then rose to re-engage.  These older men are “sober minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.”   I’ve seen these models of integrity.  I’ve heard their speech and witnessed behaviors that cannot be condemned,  rather put opponents to shame (Titus 2).

For seasoned and honorable men, I am grateful.  Under their tutelage, boys mature in wisdom.  Strength.  Service.

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There is a reason God’s Word speaks consistently and often about purity.  It is the best way to protect children in a fallen and sinful world.

We must never fool ourselves by saying we are teaching purity in sex education.  The two concepts don’t mix.  Education in sex is what it says it is.  Instruction in purity is quit different.  God never tells parents to educate children about sex, but to raise their sons and daughters in purity.  He equips parents to do this throughout all of Scripture.

You may think I’m quibbling with words.  But, I’m not.  Take the concepts for what they are.  Trace them to their sources.  Discover the original goal and intention of each.  Then follow the trail of consequences.

We all need to do better in protecting our children.  Many loving Christian parents, with their children’s best interests in mind, have inadvertently and most innocently placed their children in harm’s way.  I don’t say that lightly.  I don’t say that as a mom who did everything right by her children.  But, we Christians can’t just point our fingers at non-Christians and say, “Look!  They are bad!  They let children do whatever they want!”  We can’t just look at Planned Parenthood and say, “Shame on them!  They are cruel!  They wiggle their way into public classrooms to abuse our children!”

We Christian moms and dads must try to be honest.  There is another kind of child abuse.  It is done unintentionally by good parents.  It is done without careful analysis, but for supposedly all the right reasons.  Nevertheless, it is cruel.  It is a form of child abuse.  What would you call starting children in sex ed at an early age, adding more information with every year, putting boys and girls together for intimately graphic conversation and details on birth control, explaining that God wants the act of sex to be saved for marriage, but then telling sons and daughters to wait to marry until after getting their degree and settling into a good job?

We don’t have to unintentionally abuse children.  We can intentionally protect them.  And God tells us how.

He wants parents to teach His definition of love.  In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, God tells what love is: “patient and kind,” and what it isn’t: “arrogant . . . rude, or insistent on its own way.”

Both fathers and mothers can teach sons and daughters to “have nothing to do with silly myths,” but instead “train for godliness.”  (1 Timothy 4:7-10).  We put scholars and athletes through intense training for a purpose.  Similar training is also required for living in a way that pleases God; for running the “race” of life (1 Corinthians 9:24-26).  Parents can contrast “sexual immorality” and “sensuality” with “patience” and “self-control” (Galatians 5:16-24).

Dads or godly mentors can take boys aside to teach them how to respect women.  “Treat older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity” (1 Timothy 5:1-2).  To practice self-control (Titus 2:6).  Big brothers can guard the virginity of their younger sisters and, if she becomes promiscuous, help her stop (Song of Solomon 8:8-9).

Moms or godly mentors can take girls aside to teach them how to respect and help men.  “. . . [L]et your adorning be . . . beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4-5).  How to dress, and why… “with what is proper for women who profess godliness” (1 Timothy 2:9-10).  How to “be self-controlled and pure” (Titus 2:4-5).

Then, even though the world may ridicule young people for saying “no” to sex, we can encourage them:  Don’t let anyone “despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:11-12).

God also tells us how to welcome our children when they’ve tried, but failed.  We are to welcome our children as He welcomes us.  “Come to Me,” Jesus always says.  Then, He assures us that when “we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Tomorrow, in Christ, is brimming with hope.

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All students at Redwood Heights Elementary School in Oakland, CA., were recently instructed in a sexual indoctrination course.  The training host and consultant was a Bay Area-based organization called Gender Spectrum.

In the lesson called “Gender Spectrum Diversity Training,” documents released by the school say that students were taught that “gender is not inherently nor solely connected to one’s physical anatomy.”  Another document from the school advises parents that “when you discuss gender with your child, you may hear them . . . exploring where they . . . fit on the gender spectrum and why.”  Gender Spectrum tells parents that children need to learn that sexual “variation is normal.”

Students in all grades were told there are different ways to be boys and different ways to be girls.  Some of the reading list includes Boy, girl or both? and My Princess Boy (grades K-1), What is gender? and 10,000 Dresses (grades 2-3), and Three Dimensions of Gender (grades 4-5).

Gender Spectrum hosts training events and consultations aimed at questioning the role of gender in society.  They encourage gender neutral restrooms in schools.  The course program at Redwood Heights Elementary School was funded through a grant from the California Teachers Association.

The Pacific Justice Institute (PJI) asks: Should a child in kindergarten be introduced to the question of whether or not they really are a boy or a girl?  Does this have a place in public schools?  Are they engaging in an area that will, without question, result in children having problems that they likely would not have had otherwise?

According to PJI, there is no legal “right under California law for parents to opt out from this kind of pro-transgender indoctrination.”  PJI is offering advice to parents who want  help protecting their children from gender-diversity lessons.

In the Book of Beginnings, God’s Word explains that He created humans “male and female” (Genesis 1:27).  No where after that — in Old or New Testament — does God say that He changed His mind or decided to experiment with and alter His creation.

Is what happened at Redwood Heights Elementary School acceptable by parents?   What parents have requested that their child experience a “gender indoctrination” program?  What is the origin and purpose of this kind of teaching?

In May 2009, President Obama appointed Kevin Jennings to the position of Safe Schools Czar with the U.S. Department of Education.  Jennings is the founder of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) and wrote the introduction to the book Queering Elementary Education.  Early in June, Jennings met with the White House to address LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) topics.

Jennings is leaving his post in July, but in what ways has he influenced the security of our education system?

(For details, visit OneNewsNow.com, Focus on the Family, or The Family Research Council)

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Christina Hoff Sommers is the author of The War Against Boys.  The Ph.D. scholar cites one example after another of how America’s academic, political, and cultural “elite” have maligned and tried to re-define masculinity.

Speaking on behalf of those cultural “elites,” Gloria Steinem said, “We need to raise boys like we raise girls.”  Bear in mind that such convoluted thinking followed the so-called “girlhood project” of the 70s:  Raise girls like boys.  Giving birth to a daughter instead of a son was, for some parents, somewhat of an embarrassment.

On campus and off, workshops, seminars, and projects exist with a sole focus of “transforming” boys.  A “boy’s masculinity” is seen by cultural “elites” as a “problem.”  Despising patriarchy, off-track feminists work feverishly to construct a new version of manhood.

Sommers asks, “How well do [these people] understand and like boys?  Who has authorized their mission?”

David Kupelian is the author of How Evil Works.  He asks, “Why would our culture so denigrate masculinity?  And why — this is the flip side of the same question — are we becoming so increasingly feminized as a society?”  He continues, “Today’s high level of gender confusion and role reversal, manifested most obviously in the dramatic upswing — and near celebration — of homosexuality, is one of the great cultural mysteries of our time.  The bending and sometimes breaking of traditional gender roles permeates our society in obvious and subtle ways.”

Sexual confusion abounds — in clothing, college dorms, and the workplace.   There is sexual confusion when girls “try out” lesbianism or bisexuality because it’s “chic.”   There is sexual confusion when girls wrestle boys and women are put on the front lines of war.

George Gilder is the author of Men and Marriage.  He writes, “To the sexual liberal, gender is a cage.  Behind cruel bars of custom and tradition, men and women for centuries have looked lovingly across forbidden spaces at one another and yearned to be free of sexual roles.”   Hmm.  Reminds me of a beautiful garden where a woman was tempted to reach for something that was not good for her to have.

I’m grateful that  my grandmother took one look at my newly born dad and knew, without a doubt, that she would raise him to be a boy.  More than that, she would allow him to be a boy.  When our sons were born, I didn’t argue with God or tell Him He’d made a mistake.  Nor did I force them to become more soft and sensitive.  There’s no denying that I had to walk a fine line.  They needed to be aware of how girls think and like to be treated, but also be allowed to drive go-carts at high speeds,  climb windmills, blaze a Yellowstone trail, and prefer science fiction to chick flicks and discussions of logic rather than emotion.

I’ll admit there have been (and continue to be) lots of times when I wish my husband better understood me as a woman.  I wish he could “read my mind.”  But, he’s not a woman.  Therefore, we do think, love, perceive, react, and communicate differently.  I’m glad my husband isn’t confused about his gender.  When the enemy is at the door, I will be eternally grateful when he steps in front of me to face evil.  That’s what my brother did one night when a deranged man was breaking in.  My brother did not send my sister-in-law to the door.  He engaged the enemy.  He protected the household.  He knew what his role was and he played it well.

I wonder.  Would Daniel Boone have aggressively tamed the wilderness if his mother had raised him to be “in touch with his feminine side”?  Would husbands and fathers have sacrificed their lives on a ship named Titanic if that culture would have despised chivalry?  And what if young men stayed home and tens upon thousands of young women of child-bearing age stormed the beaches of Normandy, Omaha, and Iwo Jima?

There is nothing wrong with boys.  Just because a boy fidgets doesn’t mean he needs some sort of drug.  There is nothing wrong with boys who want to roughhouse or jump in a muddy stream, but balk at the suggestion of shopping.  Instead of disfiguring distorting, or denying boyishness or girlishness, why don’t we stand in awe of the uniquely different male and female anatomy?  Appreciate the boundaries of male and female gender and grow a healthier, safer society because of them?   Celebrate the male and female eyes of the human race and be better for it?

A war against boys hurts girls, too.  Eventually, it weakens society.  Messing with creation is nasty business with hopeless consequences.

So, that’s why I called the parents of Joel Northrup to say “thank you.”  Joel took a stand as a gentleman and refused to dishonor or confuse a girl on a public wrestling mat.  He is not ashamed to be a boy, to be a male person.  He is  not ashamed to practice his faith which tells him to regard women as the weaker sex, not because they are less than him, but because he is called by God not to take advantage or abuse them.  In putting his faith into practice, Joel honored a created boundary that will serve him — and women — very, very well.

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It’s time to move off the mat… and away from foolishness.

It is folly to believe that “equal” means “being the same.”  Male and female have always — and will always — be different.

Boys and girls in their early childhood may be somewhat alike in their inclinations.  They may both enjoy running, climbing, and playing.  But, boys transitioning into men and girls transitioning into women are not the same.  Both may be restless and willful, but what is happening to their bodies, in their heads, and with their hormones is quite different.  On his journey to manhood, there comes a time when a boy no longer views girls in the same way he views his mom or sister.  At such a time, he is in need of his dad’s wise counsel and his mom’s understanding encouragement.

A girl transitioning into a woman experiences physical changes, some that she can see… and many she cannot.  What is happening inside of her is, unfortunately, the least understood or protected.   Her procreative organs are affecting her physically and emotionally, yet she is probably more educated on how to be “sexy” than she is about being a woman.  She is probably more thoroughly groomed to compete with men than be in awe and respect of her own femininity.

Shame on modern sex education for teaching boys and girls everything there is to know about the act of sex and hardly anything at all about what it means to be of the male or female sex (gender).  And shame on us all — every parent, grandparent or mentor — who steps aside to let Victoria Secret, Abercrombie & Fitch, or Planned Parenthood teach their distorted view to boys and girls on a perilous journey to mature femininity and masculinity.

The male and female bodies have not changed since my grandmother’s book, What a Young Girl Ought to Know was written by Dr. Mary Wood-Allen in 1898.  Dr. Allen wrote, “We are sometimes apt to think that sex is located in certain organs only, but in truth sex, while centralized in the reproductive organs, makes itself manifest throughout the whole organization . . .[T]he brain of one sex is neither inferior or superior to the other; nevertheless, men and women see things from different standpoints.”

I’m the wife of a man and the mother and grandmother of boys.  No one will ever convince me that male and female are the same.  I also know that God created only two genders: male and female.  They are equal, but different.  Those who want to blur the lines between the two or, oddly, add more genders, only lead the younger generation on a dangerous detour off the good path of life.

I, for one, care about a healthy civilization.  So I will continue to appreciate the differences between male and female.  It is both foolish and dangerous to treat boys and girls as if they are the same.

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