Relationships grow when rooted in the love of Christ. Christ’s love was shown in the doing of a hard thing. Christ’s love was sacrificial. We don’t have to sacrifice for our salvation. Jesus Christ did that on the Cross for us. It’s done… once and for all. Believing that, we’re called to live as forgiven people who also forgive others. In a working marriage, husband and wife are constantly forgiving each other. A particular “need” or “want” may be sacrificed for the sake of the relationship. Such sacrifice cannot be measured, but is a fragrant offering to God.
During my lifetime, women have been told they have the right to have their needs met. A “good” husband is expected to meet those needs. But, what if he doesn’t?
Time and experience wrapped in God’s Word speak.
“I thought I could change him.”
A friend wasted so many years trying to “fix” her husband. She pushed, prodded and regularly reminded him of his failures. In time, she realized that her techniques never worked. Instead of trying to change him, she asked God for a changed attitude. Little by little, she learned that it was her job to love her husband and God’s job to change him. 1 Peter 3:1-5 reminds a wife that she can win even an unbelieving husband with respect, pure conduct, and a quiet spirit.
“He doesn’t make me happy.”
A friend admitted that she was very dependent on her husband for her happiness. She married him because he seemed strong, stable, and confident. She expected him to take care of her like a good dad would take care of his daughter. So focused on her own insecurities, she didn’t see that he, too, was sometimes fearful, unsure, and struggling. One day, she adjusted her prayers. “Please, dear God, help me be a better wife.” She welcomed him at the door with a smile. She asked him about his day. She left cheerful and encouraging notes on his mirror, by his plate, and inside his boots. It sounds rather magical, but in choosing her words with care and thinking of little ways to make her husband happy, this wife became more content. She had a purpose. She was serving God and He was surprising her with joy. Joy is a fruit of God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:22).
“I feel more worthless with him than I think I would without him.”
A woman does not get her identity from her husband. Treasured or abused, her value does not come from man. Nor does our identity change with the circumstances of life. Our identity — our value — is sure and certain because of what Jesus Christ did for us. “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are” (1 John 3:1).
“He’s such a disappointment.”
For many years, the wife mourned her marriage. She was sure that God had made a mistake. We’re too different, she thought. This will never work. Quite unexpectedly, the woman realized she really wasn’t fighting her husband, she was fighting God. Focusing on her disappointment, she was paralyzed to think or do good. Over time, she began to zero in on her husband’s strengths and minimize his weaknesses. Every time he acted in an annoying way, she chose to think about his positive attributes. She stopped criticizing him to her friends and started speaking well of him. People of light “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 4:5, 11).
“He doesn’t seem to care about meeting my needs.”
No matter what the feminists told us, men and women aren’t the same. Equal, yep. But, not the same. So, first of all, men can’t know all of our needs because they don’t think, feel, or communicate like we do. And, second of all, shame on us for idolizing ourselves! Are we called to be served, or to serve? Honestly, who really knows our needs: us… or the One who made us? A wife of many years put it this way: “I’ve learned that my husband is meeting my greatest needs. His faithfulness is my security. His labor provides financial covering and numerous freedoms. Our shared faith makes us companions even when times are hard. Does he love me? Yes. It is shown in his perseverance (1 Corinthians 13:7).”
“I don’t feel loved.”
Maybe we have the wrong definition of love. If it’s an emotion, sometimes we’ll feel it and sometimes we won’t. Love is better defined as the willingness to act for the benefit of another. Love is being patient, kind, and unselfish (1 Corinthians 13:4-6). I have found that love is when a husband and wife, in spite of differences, want to be a team. “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11). This is a world made hard by sin. When the enemy of life stands at the door ready to devour us, feelings and emotions will provide little defense. But, real love evidenced by selfless partnership will overpower evil. “A threefold cord (husband, wife, and Christ) is not quickly broken” (v. 12).
“Everyday, he grows more distant.”
A woman has great power. She can break or make a man. She can crush a man’s spirit — with a look or a word — or she can help his spirit soar. When she emasculates him, brashly or subtly, her dagger slices deep to his masculine core to attack his very personhood. No wonder it is better for him “to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9). Indeed, “the wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down” (Proverbs 14:1).
Marriage is a hard dance. Not surprising when we remember that we are sinful people living in a sin-filled world. Not surprising when we acknowledge that men and women are equal, but different. Not surprising when we consider our uniqueness as persons. For this reason, we need the Word of God as our music. Only then does the dance begin to change.
Ezerwoman's Blog 
How Did We Forget This?
Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Commentaries of others, Vocation, tagged behavior, choices, church, family, God's Word, home, hope and change, influence, Jesus Christ, marriage, neighbor, opportunity, service to others, state on October 6, 2010| 1 Comment »
Gene Edward Veith, Jr. has done well to remind me. I’m grateful. He doesn’t know it, but he’s helped me to weave the teaching of vocation into Titus 2 for Life (www.titus2-4life.org ). Gene Veith and I met when I was serving as President of Lutherans For Life. We have mutual friends. These days, I see his writings in many publications. Good thing. Through his many vocations, he is engaging the culture with the Biblical worldview.
His book, God at Work: Your Christian Vocation in All of Life (Crossway Books) and his recent article, “Arenas of Service” (WORLD,8-28-10) have been very helpful to me. Somewhere in my instruction between home, catechism, and Bible classes, I’ve heard God’s call to live out my faith in whatever I do. Of what good is my faith if it’s private or left in the pew? Non-Christians often seem very committed to living out their particular belief. But, many Christians act as if they’ve either forgotten or never been told what vocation really is.
After the Reformation, Christians held to three key teachings: the authority of Scripture, justification by faith in Jesus Christ, and the doctrine of vocation. “Modern” and “progressive” thinkers work hard to ignore the first two. As for the doctrine of vocation, well, it “faded from the church’s memory,” says Veith.
Vocation, as Veith explains, is like justification: It is God’s work. Vocation is how God works through us. God uses us to care for and govern His creation. He uses our gifts and talents to make a difference. We are called by God into vocations.
Vocation is more than a “job.” Every Christian has multiple vocations. Martin Luther, notes Veith, sorted them into four “estates,” or spheres of life that God established: the church, the household, the state, and what he called “the common order of Christian love.”
God calls His people to vocations in the church. Pastors are called into the ministry. God works through them to teach His Word, preside at His sacraments, and give spiritual care. Laypeople are called, too. They serve in human care, as elders or trustees, singing in the choir, teaching children, and caring for one another.
God calls His people to vocations in the family. Marriage is a vocation. Fatherhood and motherhood are vocations. In fact, as Veith points out, being a brother or sister, a grandfather or grandmother, or nephew or niece are all vocations.
God calls His people to vocations in the state. As citizens, we have responsibilities to our government and to our culture. Some of us are called to serve in positions of government. The United States is unique. U.S. citizens, writes Veith, “have the unusual calling of being both subjects and rulers at the same time, since our democratic republic places the governing authorities themselves under the authority of the people who elect them.” The Christian is to involve himself in civic roles and cultural engagement.
The fourth vocation is “the common order of Christian love.” God calls us to serve Him and others through our ordinary, everyday life and relationships with our neighbors. Some may believe we serve God only by doing “church work,” but this isn’t what Luther and the other reformers taught. We are not to withdraw from the world, but be engaged in it. God transforms the culture through Christian men and women who use His Word in all areas of life.
We go to Divine Service on Sunday to find the forgiveness of Christ, feed on God’s Word, receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion, and grow in our faith. Then, we go back out into the world — our families, neighborhoods, jobs, classrooms, voting booth, volunteer activities — to serve God by serving others.
Galatians 5:6 and 1 Timothy 1:5 remind us that the purpose of every vocation is to love and serve our neighbors.
“God doesn’t need our good works,” Veith quotes Luther, “but our neighbor does.” Our relationship with God is based completely on His work for us in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ. But just as God is hidden in vocation, Christ is hidden in our neighbors.
Matthew 25:40 reminds us that we love and serve God by loving and serving the people He puts into our lives — friends or strangers, easy to love or not, in good times or bad.
In some vocations we exercise authority. But, think of how Jesus exercised His authority… He was a servant.
This Word of God found in Mark 10:42-45 makes me ashamed because, too often, it’s all about me. In my selfishness, I sin against my vocation.
Faithful to God’s pro-life Word, Veith writes, “Vocation clarifies moral issues. Mothers are called to love and serve their children, not abort them or abuse them. Doctors are called to heal their patients, not kill them. Leaders are called to love and serve those under their authority, not exploit and tyrannize them.”
Here’s something else. “Some actions are sinful when done outside of vocation but good works when done within vocation. We have no calling from God that would authorize having sex with someone to whom we are not married. But within the vocation of marriage, sex is not only authorized, it becomes the means by which God creates a one-flesh union, engenders new life, and builds a family.”
Veith explains that “vocation has to do with the priesthood of all believers. A priest is someone who performs a sacrifice. We no longer need sacrifices for our sins, since Christ, our great High Priest, offered Himself as our sacrifice once and for all (Hebrews 9:26). But, in light of that sacrifice, God calls us (Romans 12:1)
We are not called to lord it over others nor are we called to obsess on self-fulfillment. Vocation focuses away from self to others.
Fathers are living sacrifices for their families when they faithfully protect and provide even in weariness and frustration. Mothers are living sacrifices for their families when they put their own feelings aside to encourage husbands and nurture children. Workers on the job are living sacrifices when they do their best to serve both employer and customers.
Veith explains that “Christ, who is in vocation and in the neighbor, takes up all of these sacrifices, small or great, into His sacrifice. And He loves and serves His creation by means of our love and service in our vocations.”
A Biblical understanding of vocation means that nothing we do to God’s glory is ordinary or insignificant. Luther said that changing a child’s diaper is holy work. In that vein, so is preparing a meal, changing a tire, looking after an unmarried aunt, being a good listener, doing homework, donating blood, sitting by the bedside of a dying spouse, being informed about candidates before election day, praying, training in purity, paying fair salary, and performing honest labor. The list goes on… and on.
Our vocations are many. God works through our vocations to serve others. Trusting this, says Veith, changes the quality of what we do. He’s right. It changes the words we choose, the music we sing, the business we transact, the clothing we wear… even the table we set.
Thank you, Gene Edward Veith, for helping me review my vocations. May God help me see every word and deed as opportunities to serve not self, but others.
Now, for the rest of you, move on over and sit a spell with The Blog of Veith www.geneveith.com
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