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Posts Tagged ‘selflessness’

Wondering…

Posted in Faith & Practice, tagged , , , , , , on December 24, 2012| Leave a Comment »

little girl & thinkerThe following was written by my friend Stacey Harding and included with her family’s Christmas photo.  It is a one-word “sermon” for the Christian life.  Thank you, Stacey, for your faithfulness as a Biblical woman, wife, mother… and friend.

I wonder… what would happen if I forgave others freely as Christ has forgiven me?  (Matthew 18:21-35)

I wonder… what it might be like if I gave up my selfishness and took up a servant’s heart? (Philippians 2:3)

I wonder… what it would be like if I really listened to my daughters and my husband to hear their true needs? (Proverbs 18:13; James 1:12)

I wonder… what could happen if I made great efforts to communicate with love in my voice? (Psalm 35:28)

I wonder… what might be if I spoke in truth and with conviction? (Psalm 37:30; Job 27:4)

I wonder… what would the impact be if I chose to always unite and never divide? (John 17:20-23)

I wonder… what would happen if I imitated Christ instead of the world? (3 John 1:11)

Do you wonder what these verses say?

What are you thinking these days?  What wonders inside of you?  What are you seeking to find?  The only thing that can possibly satisfy the need (your wonder) is what created the need.  This is the meaning of redemption — it creates and satisfies.  There are no other answers, no other opinions, no drugs or drink, no amount of money or security or happiness that will fulfill your soul of wonder and lead you to salvation.  The world lies to you in all things and at all times.  But God calls you to seek Him.  His promises are true and remain for you and for me.  When you wonder, seek His Word.  You will find Him and with repentance gain His forgiveness, love, grace, peace and more!

The time is now!  Seek Him… the Wonderful… our Savior.

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What a Young Woman Ought to Know

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Sexy or holy?, tagged , , , , , , , on October 28, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Tonight, as I prepare for a Titus 2 Retreat, I read from my grandmother’s book, What A Young Woman Ought to Know.  The book, by Mary Wood-Allen, M.D., is but one in her Purity and Truth series authored in 1898.  If anyone wants to say to me: Hmm.  That’s quite dated, isn’t it?  I will respond: Truth is never dated.

Dr. Wood-Allen writes:

We seldom think of the fact that upon sex depend all the sweet ties of home and family.  It is because of sex that we are fathers, mothers, and children; that we have the dear family life, with its anniversaries of weddings and birthdays.  It is through sex that the ‘desolate of the earth are set in families,’ and love and generosity have sway instead of selfishness.  For this reason we ought to regard sex with reverent thought, to hold it sacred to the highest purposes, to speak of it ever with purest delicacy, and never with jesting  . . .  .”

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Part II: Circle of Love & Respect

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2011| Leave a Comment »

The question is: “Who steps first into the circle of love and respect: The husband or wife?”

It helps to remember who created that “circle.”

God did.  And, true to His design, there is order.  God created human beings in His image, but He did not make them to be the same.  They are equal, but different.  God did not create woman at the same time as man, in the same way, or for the same purpose.  In fact, God revealed to man that he was incomplete.  “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18).  “Fit for him” literally means: “Like his opposite.”  (Think of this!  Anatomically.  Hormonally.  Psychologically.)

Is it significant that woman was made for man?  To complete him?  Be his helper?  Yes.  The created order shows that man was to be the steward over all and she would help, assist, encourage, comfort, and be his advocate.  (The word “helper,” by the way, is not dissimilar to the word used by Jesus to describe the Holy Spirit [John 14:16,26).  In her privileged role, she is free to help without any initiative on his part.  She doesn’t wait for him to ask before she offers encouragement, comfort, or good counsel.

God’s created order is a reflection of Himself.  He is one God, yet three persons.  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are equal, but with different functions.  There is headship in this orderly structure… and there is submission.  The same is true with male and female.  Even after sin spoiled God’s perfect design, the order of creation remained in place for our benefit.  Sin broke man and woman’s relationship with each other and with God.  But, in mercy, God used the submission of the Son, Jesus Christ, to save His Bride, the Church, and serve with humility.  A woman might resent the created order.  A man might abuse it.  But, whenever it is honored, it continues to serve family and society well.

Doesn’t the created order beg the question from a leadership perspective?  Shouldn’t the man be the first to step into the Ephesians circle?  No, not necessarily.  Even if he is stepping out front to fight wolves at the door, she is fully engaged as his ally and encourager.  In God’s design, the man is responsible for bringing order out of chaos, but she helps that happen.  Regardless of their different functions, both husband and wife can practice loving and respecting at all times.

There is no measuring stick.  No fairness meter.  In a godly home, neither husband nor wife keep track of what the other does or doesn’t do.  Both have the same goal: To do all they do to God’s glory.  And, when they fail, they apologize and forgive.  Both take their sin baggage to the cross — and leave it there.

Visits to the Cross happen all the time even in the best of marriages.   Let me approach this from a woman’s perspective.  Helping is what I naturally do.  But, flawed by sin, this becomes difficult.  My husband might not think he needs help.  Might not invite help.  Might resent help.  Might interpret my help to mean he needs “fixing.”  So, how do I enter the “circle of love and respect” at such a time?  Hopefully, I haven’t disengaged from the “circle.”  Hopefully, I am faithful in offering encouragement.  If I need to help, but he’s too prideful to accept it, I need to take care.  Be sensitive.  I may need to move slowly.  Mary told Joseph that she had been visited by an angel with news of her pregnancy, but Joseph was of the mind to quietly divorce her.  In their “circle of love and respect,” Mary understood that it wasn’t up to her to convince Joseph.  She needed to wait on God.  In His time, God helped Joseph get his arms around the situation.  A woman is helping — in one way or the other — all the time.  She may be helping to good… or bad.  To build up… or tear down.  To encourage… or discourage.  To trust God’s plan… or shape her own.

Ultimately, two are better than one.  One may fall, the other lifts up.  One may be overwhelmed, a team of two stands firm.  One alone is cold, two together stay warm.  One might fall out of the “circle” momentarily, the other welcomes him/her back in.  Woven with God, both are able to engage in the “circle” freely and unconditionally.

The pure circle of love and respect is tainted on this earth.  We too easily think of ourselves first.  How we’re not being served… or how we’re doing all the serving.  But, challenged to “shine like lights” and “hold fast to the word of life,” we do what we do for Christ — even if it means being “poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of our faith” (Philippians 2:14-17).  Faith produces a sacrificial attitude for husbands and wives that frees us up to think less about self and more about other.

With this attitude, one might even forget who started, paused, stopped, or re-started the circle to go ’round.

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Marriage Expectations

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011| Leave a Comment »

June is the traditional month for weddings.  Marriage expectations are high.  Most brides and grooms expect to have all their hopes and needs met by the other.  Is this possible?

In God’s perfect world, yes.  In a fallen and sin-filled world, no.

Marriage was instituted by God.  It is a union of two completely different people — male and female — for the benefit of children and society.  It is a relationship that models the agape love of patience, kindness, selflessness, and faithfulness.  It builds family and community.  It mentors the vibrant and compatible roles of manhood and womanhood for generations to come.

History explains.  After God created man, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.  I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18).  God wanted man to know that he was not yet complete.  He had no mate appropriate for him and he had no means of procreation.

“Fit for him” literally means “like his opposite.”  Imagine that.  She fit perfectly with him, yet they were not the same — anatomically, hormonally, or psychologically.  With God, they would procreate new life.  She would be the vessel for the young one he would protect.

Equal, but different, the man and woman would unite in a partnership.  Their unique character traits and personalities would harmonize.  In God’s order of creation, a “helper” (Hebrew: ezer) would be an “assistant” and “ally.”  The ezerwoman would not be dissimilar from the “Helper” sent by Jesus to the disciples.  That Helper, the Holy Spirit, was called a “comforter,” “advocate,” and “encourager.”

The woman would know joy and contentment in her role of “helper.”  She would find limitless possibilities in her multi-faceted vocation.  She would help man to be a better steward over all creation.  She would help nurture all the living.  The  man would rejoice in his completeness.   He would love the woman built from his rib and guard her life as if it were his own.  He would serve not his own glory, but the glory of God (to her benefit).

In the first marriage, there was no fear.  Resentment.  Envy.  Frustration.  Anger.  Heartache.  Disappointment.

Everything changed when the first husband and wife sinned against God.  They were equally guilty, yet the consequences of their sins were as different as their natures.

Today’s bride and groom may expect to have all their needs met.  But, in a fallen and imperfect world, no person can do that for another.  Only God can and will fulfill our deepest needs.  At the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, the Bishop of London noted, “As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life.  This is to load our partner with too great of burden.”

Let us ease the burden with encouragement.  Sin distorts God’s perfect plan, but the original design is still in place.  It serves well when trusted.

  • A woman “fit for him” remains a husband’s opposite.  She is made to think, act, and love differently.  Sin complicates those differences.  Not only are they male and female, they have contrasting personality traits, quirks, familial histories, and experiences that may threaten to tear the marriage apart.  But, there is another choice.  With forgiveness and practice, husband and wife can merge their best qualities for the benefit of a stronger marriage.  They can stop playing “me against you” and become “we.”  They can unite as a team for the sake of their children.
  • A woman’s role still complements the man’s.  She is his “helper.”  Regardless of sin and circumstances, she has a choice: to help him be a good or poor steward; to encourage or discourage; to build up or tear down; to connect him to children or disconnect.  He has the choice to use God’s Word for life, warn against death, and cover his wife and children with his faithfulness — or not.

Equal, yet different, husband and wife have an example to follow.

Jesus is equal to God.  He is God yet, in His role as the Son, He submitted to His Father’s will in order to be the Savior of the world.  A wife who respects her husband and submits to his appropriate leadership is really submitting to God.  A man who loves his wife as Christ loved the Church is submitting himself to God.

Marriage expectations?  On this earth, husband and wife won’t make each other completely happy.  Won’t meet each others every need.  Warm fuzzies will fade.  But, Jesus in a marriage makes two “better than one.”  Opposites who glorify God rather than self change the environment.  Root deeper.  Build stronger.  Persist against every foe.

A threefold cord (God, man and woman) is not quickly broken” (Eccl. 4:12).

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The Man Joseph

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Vocation, tagged , , , , , , on December 20, 2010| Leave a Comment »

This time of year, I ponder on Joseph.  In pondering Joseph, I also think of Adam.  Soon, I think of all godly men.  And, I thank God.

Joseph loved Mary and had asked her to be his wife.  But, the plans he had in mind were changed.  Ruined.  Unchartered territory lay ahead.  At a precarious moment in his life, Joseph had nothing to hang on to… nothing, that is, except the Word of the Lord.

The Word gave Joseph courage.  “Don’t be afraid!”  It was the Word that showed Joseph how to be faithful.  “Take Mary as your wife.  She will give birth to a son, and you will name Him Jesus” (Matthew 1:20-21).

Perhaps, in holding on to the Word, Joseph remembered the experience of his ancester, Adam.  Perhaps, in a moment of truth and with eyes focused, Joseph could picture Adam standing next to his wife, Eve.  Perhaps, with wisdom only from the Holy Spirit, Joseph recognized the significance of Eve’s creation by God from man’s rib.  And, perhaps, with discernment only from God, Joseph understood that he must not repeat the sin of his ancestor and do to his rib what Adam had done to his.

Perhaps, in remembering what Adam had failed to do, Joseph was given the courage to cover his wife, Mary, and lead her to safety.  Let the village talk.  Tweak carefully-made plans.  Trust the Word of the Lord.  Although it meant leaving his zone of comfort, Joseph did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him to do.  He covered his rib by taking Mary as his wife.  And, when Mary’s child was born, Joseph named Him Jesus.

God wanted Joseph to make a difference — a difference that would impact the world.  But such a difference could only be made by being faithful.

Convenience told Joseph to walk away from Mary.  Self-defense told Joseph to think of “number one.”  Pride told Joseph that he could do better.  Fear told Joseph to hide.  But, God told Joseph not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife.  Through all the frightening days ahead, Joseph remembered the Word of the Lord.  And the Lord did not forget Joseph.  When danger lurked near, the angel of the Lord warned Joseph.  When uncertainty abounded, the angel of the Lord directed Joseph.

Life was never the same for Joseph.  It wasn’t what he planned.  But, in remembering the Word of the Lord and trusting it, Joseph was used by God to impact all people of all cultures for all time.  Some 2000 years later, the Boy who grew to be a Man in the house of Joseph is still changing lives.

(Excerpted from “Joseph & His Rib” by L. Bartlett.

Tract available from LFL or CPH.)

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Oh, Gentlemen!

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Gentlemen.  What words are there for you?  As a mom, I can speak to my sons about women.  I can describe feelings, emotions, and the complexities of my gender.  But, any wisdom and true instruction I have for men comes only from God.

“The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.  And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, ‘You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die'” (Genesis 2:15-17).

“. . . [T]he man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.  But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, ‘Where are you?'” (vv. 8-9).

God created man to be the head and steward of His creation.  It is to man that God gave the words of life and the warning away from death.  Man was to pass on the Word of Truth — to his wife, their children, and their children’s children.  Even though the woman was the first to disobey God, man was held responsible.  Such is the order of God’s creation.  Even after sin, God brings order out of chaos using the leadership of godly men.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body” (Ephesians 5:25-30).

The husband is not to rule his wife, but to love her (Colossians 3:19).  St. Paul wrote more to the husband than to the wife because it is an opportunity to rejoice in the Gospel.  If a husband’s love for his wife is Christlike, he is willing to give up his very life for her (Galatians 2:20; Titus 2:14; 1 John 3:16).  St. Paul notes that the husband is the “head” in a marriage.  Perhaps it follows, then, that the wife is the “heart.”  One is not more important than the other; both are necessary for life.  Neither man nor woman honor God or themselves by asking: “What can I get out of this marriage?”  Instead, everything a husband  — or a wife — does should be a living illustration of Christ’s love.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

Feminists may be offended by the expression “weaker vessel.”  But, as students of history, we do well to remember that the culture of the Apostle Peter’s time had little respect for women.  For this reason, the apostle was guided to choose his words with express care for women.  Physically, women are typically smaller in size and weaker in strength then men, which could make them vulnerable to abuse.  Peter admonishes husbands not to exploit a woman’s size and strength in unkind ways.  Viewing husband and wife through Biblical eyes, each was made to complement the other.  Both are heirs of God’s saving grace.

What about the unmarried man?  How is he to treat a girl or woman?  St. Paul prepares the young man Timothy for ministry with these words:

“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity” (1 Timothy 5:1-2).

A man is called by God to treat all people as Jesus did — as members of His own family (Matthew 12:46-50).  Here is a culturally-transforming opportunity for men.  Can you imagine how esteemed and safe women — and, therefore, children — would be if they were treated like mothers and sisters?

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The Heart of Her Husband Trusts in Her

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, Vocation, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2010| 1 Comment »

An excellent wife who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels.  The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:10-11)

The Proverbs 31 woman seems to receive lots of praise from both men and women.  But, perhaps the praise is for something different than we think.

The first woman, Eve, fell into sin when she failed to trust God, doubted His Word, and determined for herself what was right and wrong.  This is not the case with the Proverbs 31 woman.   She appears to know her identity as a feminine creature loved and valued by God.  She trusts God and the fruit of that trust is her service to others.  She does all that she does — smart and talented as she is — for her household, her family, her husband — out of love for the Lord.  She does not focus on having her needs met, but on meeting the needs of others.  She does not sit at the “gates” of the community “among the elders;” her husband does (v.23).  She practices self-control because “she opens her mouth with wisdom” (not foolishness) and “the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (v. 26).

If we cannot praise the first woman, Eve, because she doubted and was deceived, then think about it.  Why can we praise the Proverbs 31 woman?    One of the early church fathers, St. Bernard of Clairvaux, wrote, “You have been enabled to reject the deceitful glory of the world . . . you deserve to be praised for not being deceived.”

So, then, “the heart of her husband trusts in her.”

Eve was tempted by a distortion of truth.  Vulnerable — and not trusting God, she allowed herself to be deceived.  I venture to say that the Proverbs 31 woman, living in a fallen and sinful world, was also tempted by distortions of truth.  But, every time she put her trust in God, she was able to reject the “progressive” trends, lifestyles, and behaviors of the world around her.

In being submissive (remember gals: Jesus is God, yet He was submissive to the Father), a wife can win her husband for the Lord even if he is disobedient to the Word.  It is not a woman’s outer appearance that influences a man so much as it is the “hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:1-4).  This is how “holy women” who put their hope in God have always adorned themselves (v. 5).

So, then, “the heart of her husband trusts in her.”

Now, it’s time to get personal.  I’m a wife.  I’ve had my “Eve days” and my “Proverbs 31 woman” days.  The prince of darkness likes to see me in conflict.  But, when the Holy Spirit nudges me out of myself to see the men in my life, I recognize their fragility.  My husband and sons, my dad and brother, my brother-in-laws and uncles all know how to tackle the “hard work” of life, make their way through obstacles, and faithfully provide for and cover their families.  But, they often aren’t sure what to do with the relational side.  They may appear strong, but feel weak.  They may seem heartless, but feel wounded.  They may look confidant and even arrogant, but feel like a failure.  The heart of a man needs the “gentle and quiet spirit” of a godly woman.

The Proverbs 31 woman was aware of the feminine influence God had given to her, but she was not deceived into abusing that influence.  I wonder: Could her husband open up to her because he knew she would bring him good not harm?  Could he have confidence in her respect for him even when she disagreed with his leadership?   Could he trust her to act rightly toward him no matter if she was having a good — or bad — day?  Could he depend on her for an encouraging word, even in the midst of difficulty?  I think so.

So, then, “the heart of her husband trusts in her.”

In all of my travels and all of my conversations with both men and women, I hear the same message: Wives need loving affirmation, conversation, and commitment.  Husbands need respect.  They receive this respect in a number of ways including intimacy, companionship, and domestic support and admiration.  The “heart of her husband trusts in her” when she speaks well of him to his children and in the community.  A godly man knows when he’s failing.  When his wife speaks well of him in front of children or friends, he knows she isn’t giving him a pass or letting him off the hook.  What he recognizes and values is her loyalty and “gentle and quiet spirit.”  This encourages him to try harder, to do better.

Well, that’s how I see it.  Anyone reading this may disagree.  That’s o.k.  I’m not calling myself a Proverbs 31 woman because I too often act like Eve.   The struggle within me between deception and truth rages on.  But, I have hope:

Those whose eyes rest on the Savior’s Cross will be renewed and transformed.  Those who trust the Lord will obtain the wisdom needed to oppose deceit.

So… “the heart of her husband trusts in her.”  He praises her, not because of what she does, but because she has been enabled to reject the deceit of the world.

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