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Posts Tagged ‘grief’

The call was unexpected.  “We’ve never met,” the gentleman explained, “but I have a request.  Could you write something of comfort for parents who have miscarried?”

He went on to explain.  “I’m a pastor.  I’m expected to have appropriate words for every situation.  But, when a father and mother suffer the loss of their child through miscarriage or stillbirth, I really don’t know what to say.”  

It wasn’t that he didn’t have words of comfort, hope and healing to offer grieving parents.  God’s Word is everything we need in all circumstances.  But, this pastor was looking for something he could give parents to encourage them into God’s Word.  To remind them that their child could be entrusted into God’s loving care.   To remind them that, even when they cannot find the words to pray, the Spirit intercedes for them.

The devotional booklet that was inspired is titled Into His Loving Care.  Short devotions with Scripture include: “You Are the Creator,” “Fill My Heart with Peace,” “Where Are My Friends?,” “Emptiness,” “Why?,” “It Hurts,” “You Called My Child By Name,” and “Let Me Be An Instrument.” 

Into His Loving Care (#LFL902B) may be ordered from Concordia Publishing House Bajo Su Cuidado Amoroso (#LFL902BS) is also available.

It may seem as if God is very far away at such times of sorrow, but He knows every sparrow that falls.  How much more He must care for you and me . . . and our little ones.

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Abortion does not think about the future.  Seventy-six million baby boomers may soon realize that their lives might become a burden because 53 million people who would have supported an aging population were aborted.  That’s an economic nightmare.

But, there’s a more personal side to this nightmare.  Each one of the 53 million boys and girls who have been aborted in the U.S. alone since 1973 had a  name.  “. . . I have redeemed you; I have called  you by name, you are Mine” (Isaiah 43:1b).

Abortion drops a name placed upon a unique and treasured person.  It is a name known by God before all eternity for all eternity.  It is the name of a boy or girl who would have impacted this world in ways we’ll never know.

Abortion drops a name from a teacher’s grade book; from 4-H or Boy Scouts or junior olympics; from schools of music, agriculture, and medicine; from the consumer index and first-time home ownership; from the tax rolls; from marriage, parenthood, and genealogies.

Abortion drops a name from baptism, confirmation, and the mission field.

There is an emptiness when a name is dropped by abortion.  Women from every neighborhood, family, and congregation who’ve suffered the loss of an aborted child would explain this if only we’d listen.  That’s because a mother knows a child created and named by God can never be replaced.

God named each one of this nation’s 53 million aborted children.  For each one He had a future and hope.  Even though each would have been born into sin, God had for them a robe of righteousness because of what Jesus did on the Cross for them.  Our world is less because these children are not with us.  Our world suffers when people created for purpose and called by name are considered “untimely,” “inconvenient,” or “fearful.”

But, God has also named every mother who feared her child; who failed to see her child’s future and hope; who, deceived by other voices, doubted that God is good and can be trusted in every circumstance.  He waits with open arms for each mother with a broken and repentant heart.

[M]y strengthen was dried up . . . I acknowledged my sin to You . . . and You forgave the iniquity of my sin” (Psalm 32:4b-5).

Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool” (Isaiah 1:18).

Woman . . . neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more” (John 8:10-11).

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Some say, “How could a woman end the life of her child?”  This statement is not intended to be cruel, but it is heard as a  judgment.

Others, hoping to be less judgmental, say, “I would never have have an abortion myself, but I believe every woman should have the right to choose.”  This statement sounds compassionate, but to the woman who has had the abortion, it sounds like a comparison: “Abortion is wrong and because I am a good person I wouldn’t do such a terrible thing, but women not capable of doing the right thing should have a choice.”

Both statements are condeming.  Neither offer hope before or after an abortion.

There is a third response.  Trying to imitate Jesus.  Jesus understands why people like you and me sin.  He came to live among us —  to feel our frustration, fears, and sorrow.  He placed Himself in the midst of a messy world.  Jesus loved us so much that He willingly took on our disgrace, our burden, our sin.  Only by living under His Cross am I able to see those hurt by sin (including my own) in a new way.

Days on which we celebrate life are meant to be happy days, but for many they are not.  In the heart of nearly every post-abortive woman is an empty place that is forever expectant and waitiing.  Although she may have believed the lie that there was no room, a cry of sorrow echoes in the room that was always there… waiting.

We cannot go back to erase years of legalized abortion nor the effect on women, men, children, and society.  Mothers who once believed there was no room in their life for a baby now mourn the child whose heart beat so close under their own.  Fathers who once believed there was no room in their life for a baby are now angry at themselves for failing to protect their son or daugher.  Grandparents who once believed there was no room in their lives for a baby now dream of grandchildren that would have filled the rooms of their homes with laughter.

Sometimes, when I am holding my grandsons, my thoughts turn to Mary.  She approached me after I was finished speaking to a group of women.  She asked for my address and phone number.  In the letters and conversations that followed, she confessed two abortions.  “There has been so much pain in my heart,” Mary wrote.  “I could understand how God could forgive a murderer, but not someone who has killed their own child.”

This pain and the belief that she had committed the sin “too big to be forgiven” held Mary captive.  But, “the reason I want to tell you my story,” Mary continued, “is to thank you.  If, years earlier, I had heard the words of compassion and forgiveness that I heard from you, I would not have had a second abortion.  I would have been reconciled to God and turned my life around a lot earlier instead of wallowing in the muck of sin and accusation.”

“Marys” are everywhere… and they are waiting.  They are silently waiting for a word of hope.  Their broken hearts long to be healed.  God has given to me — to you — His Word to speak in love.  To be sure, the Word of Truth presses hard on the source of pain.  The psalmist (Psalm 32:3-5) writes:

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.  For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.  Then I acknowledged my sin to You, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and You forgave the iniquity of my sin.”

There is hope for women and men who have been pierced by abortion’s blade.  It is Jesus.  In Jesus, all who confess their sin are cleansed and forgiven (1 Timothy 1:15).  In Jesus, the captive is set free (Galatians 5:1).

(The thoughts of this post are available in a
brochure form upon request from Word of Hope or LFL.)

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Yesterday was not a day of celebration for those wounded by abortion.  Mother’s Day is a difficult day for the women who have an abortion in their past, for men unable to save a child from abortion, and for grandparents.  Mother’s Day, for many people, is a reminder of lost lives and denied relationships.

Abortion continues to be a heated debate in this country, but for millions of American women and for the men, grandparents, siblings, and friends in the lives of those women, abortion is  not a debate — it is a loss.  It is the loss of a son, a daughter, a grandchild.  That’s because motherhood and fatherhood — yes, grandparenthood, too — begin at conception.

Many of us know someone who has lost a child through miscarriage.  We grieve with them, offer the peace of Christ, and entrust their precious little one to God.  But abortion is a secret pain.  It is a dagger of guilt.  It is a loss that is carried deep inside and alone.

The great loss of life should pierce the heart of every one of us.  The numbers are staggering.  More than 3,000 women have an abortion every day.  These women are in our families, congregations, and circles of friends.  They are Christians who worship with us and go to Bible study with us.  I know some of these women.  At least 25 of my friends, relatives, or acquaintances have had abortions.  Seventeen of them are Lutheran.  Three are the wives of Lutheran pastors.  At least three have had more than one abortion.

Abortion has created a new mission field for the church.  There is a need to enter this mission field — but first, we must understand that we will almost certainly encounter denial, anger, self-hatred, distrust, grief, remorse, and the nature, but perhaps deeply buried, desire for reconciliation with the Giver of Life.

For those in denial, I pray my message can gently convict.  For those already convicted, I pray my message will offer hope and my behavior be welcoming.  I pray my arms remain open with the merciful love of Jesus who reconciles us all with God.

When I became a grandmother for the first time, I realized that holding my grandson was surprisingly different from holding my own two sons.  Each gaze upon the child of my child is a generational moment.  The room of my heart excitedly received my first grandchild.  The room of my life rearranged itself.

Often, when holding my first… then second, third, and fourth grandsons, I think of the thousands of other women of my generation whose arms will never hold a grandchild.  Their arms will never hold the child of their child.  That’s because when finding themselves “with child,” these women believed the lie: “make this one sacrifice and choose a better time to be a mother.”  Although the room of their hearts may have whispered a word of welcome, the room of their lives did not.

Because these women either did not hear or did not trust God’s promise, the world captured their every thought and desire.  Tossed in a tumultuous sea, these women reached toward “salvation” in the guise of a “quick and painless” abortion.

But the degrading act goes against all that is maternal and natural.  Sent away from the abortion clinic, women are abandoned to burdens of guilt, grief, and anger that threaten to pull them into cold and lonely darkness, away from the Giver of Life.

So, how do you and I respond?  Please read on to my next post . . .

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