June is the traditional month for weddings. Marriage expectations are high. Most brides and grooms expect to have all their hopes and needs met by the other. Is this possible?
In God’s perfect world, yes. In a fallen and sin-filled world, no.
Marriage was instituted by God. It is a union of two completely different people — male and female — for the benefit of children and society. It is a relationship that models the agape love of patience, kindness, selflessness, and faithfulness. It builds family and community. It mentors the vibrant and compatible roles of manhood and womanhood for generations to come.
History explains. After God created man, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). God wanted man to know that he was not yet complete. He had no mate appropriate for him and he had no means of procreation.
“Fit for him” literally means “like his opposite.” Imagine that. She fit perfectly with him, yet they were not the same — anatomically, hormonally, or psychologically. With God, they would procreate new life. She would be the vessel for the young one he would protect.
Equal, but different, the man and woman would unite in a partnership. Their unique character traits and personalities would harmonize. In God’s order of creation, a “helper” (Hebrew: ezer) would be an “assistant” and “ally.” The ezerwoman would not be dissimilar from the “Helper” sent by Jesus to the disciples. That Helper, the Holy Spirit, was called a “comforter,” “advocate,” and “encourager.”
The woman would know joy and contentment in her role of “helper.” She would find limitless possibilities in her multi-faceted vocation. She would help man to be a better steward over all creation. She would help nurture all the living. The man would rejoice in his completeness. He would love the woman built from his rib and guard her life as if it were his own. He would serve not his own glory, but the glory of God (to her benefit).
In the first marriage, there was no fear. Resentment. Envy. Frustration. Anger. Heartache. Disappointment.
Everything changed when the first husband and wife sinned against God. They were equally guilty, yet the consequences of their sins were as different as their natures.
Today’s bride and groom may expect to have all their needs met. But, in a fallen and imperfect world, no person can do that for another. Only God can and will fulfill our deepest needs. At the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, the Bishop of London noted, “As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great of burden.”
Let us ease the burden with encouragement. Sin distorts God’s perfect plan, but the original design is still in place. It serves well when trusted.
- A woman “fit for him” remains a husband’s opposite. She is made to think, act, and love differently. Sin complicates those differences. Not only are they male and female, they have contrasting personality traits, quirks, familial histories, and experiences that may threaten to tear the marriage apart. But, there is another choice. With forgiveness and practice, husband and wife can merge their best qualities for the benefit of a stronger marriage. They can stop playing “me against you” and become “we.” They can unite as a team for the sake of their children.
- A woman’s role still complements the man’s. She is his “helper.” Regardless of sin and circumstances, she has a choice: to help him be a good or poor steward; to encourage or discourage; to build up or tear down; to connect him to children or disconnect. He has the choice to use God’s Word for life, warn against death, and cover his wife and children with his faithfulness — or not.
Equal, yet different, husband and wife have an example to follow.
Jesus is equal to God. He is God yet, in His role as the Son, He submitted to His Father’s will in order to be the Savior of the world. A wife who respects her husband and submits to his appropriate leadership is really submitting to God. A man who loves his wife as Christ loved the Church is submitting himself to God.
Marriage expectations? On this earth, husband and wife won’t make each other completely happy. Won’t meet each others every need. Warm fuzzies will fade. But, Jesus in a marriage makes two “better than one.” Opposites who glorify God rather than self change the environment. Root deeper. Build stronger. Persist against every foe.
A threefold cord (God, man and woman) is not quickly broken” (Eccl. 4:12).
Ezerwoman's Blog 
Lack of Self-Control = Unhappy Women
Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Commentaries of others, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged arrogance, children, common sense, Dennis Prager, depression, hope, hopelessness, Jesus Christ, mentoring, narcissism, parents, promise, self-control, self-indulgence, selfishness, The Washington Times, Titus 2, Titus 2 for Life, unhappiness, women's health on June 7, 2011| Leave a Comment »
New scientific research shows that if adults cultivate the practice of self-control — starting early — in children, a great many could be saved from addictions, poverty, and crime. Isn’t that just like scientific evidence? Always lagging behind but, when pure, testifying to God’s order of creation.
This ezerwoman is a better helper — of men, children, and society — when I practice self-control. Lest I forget (or resist), God consistently reminds me to be “self-controlled.” The books of 1 and 2 Timothy refer to the virtue of “self-control” at least four times. At least five times, the book of Titus instructs older men and women to practice and mentor “self-control.” There’s good reason. Self-control glorifies God. It can result in more hopeful consequences. It can even reduce depression
Self-control is the opposite of living our lives however we please. Doing whatever makes us “happy.” Insisting that our “needs” be met. Serving self over others. Perhaps this is what happens when times are good. We give ourselves license… for whatever, whenever. We have (in my American lifetime) “lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence” (James 5:5). For sure, it is what happens when women are encouraged to let their emotions rule.
But, encouraging girls and young women to let their emotions rule has not made them happy. It is widely reported, writes Dennis Prager, that women suffer depression at twice the rate of men. If the clinical assumptions are true, Prager suggests that we consider the following:
“Wise cultures have learned that happiness is attained only when we conquer our nature. This is true for male and female. With modern feminism, however, came a belief in the superiority of the female nature. The result? Society was urged to suppress both the negative and positive aspects of the male nature with little or no suppression of the female nature. Historically, societies and parents have always known it’s a good thing to teach boys to control two aspects of their male nature — their sexual desires and their predilection for violence. Decent men were taught from youth to touch a woman sexually only with her permission and to channel physical aggression into sports or into helping fight evil by joining the police force or military. Men who didn’t learn to control these aspects of male nature not only became bad men, but unhappy men.”
He continues, “Societies and parents also knew it was important to help girls control their natures — in particular, their predilection to be ruled by their emotions. Women who allowed their emotions to rule them not only became destructive (to members of their families first and foremost), they became unhappy women. But, while modern society continued to teach boys to control themselves, it stopped teaching girls to do so. Girls’ emotions and feelings were treated as inherently valuable. In fact, to repress a girl’s emotions or feelings was labeled ‘sexist’ and showed a ‘hatred of women.’ ” (Excerpted from “Wanted by women: A few good old-fashioned men” by Dennis Prager, The Washington Times, 6-30-08)
Hmmm. I’m reminded of the woman who showed up at an abortion clinic. Why? “He kissed me and I melted. I was filled with passion and couldn’t help myself. Now, I’m pregnant and must take control of my body.”
Lack of self control + unhappy woman = desperation and hopelessness. Ugh.
There is another choice. Mature men and women can be examples of self-control and mentor younger ones to do the same. There is promise in such practice: Hope for living out our lives in anticipation of Jesus’ return (Titus 2).
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