expectations | Ezerwoman's Blog

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Want to Make a Difference? View Children the Way God Does

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, tagged baptism, behavior, campus life, choices, education, expectations, grandparents, Jesus Christ, life's purpose, mentoring, parents, school, sexuality, sin, spiritual, teenagers, wisdom on June 22, 2013| 2 Comments »

I will never forget the mom and professional church worker who told me she hoped her sons and daughters would practice safe sex. We were serving together on a life task force and, during lunch break, she confided, “I raised them to be chaste . . . I want them to wait for marriage. But, once they started college, I encouraged them to use protection because, after all, they’re sexual, too, and I’m scared to death they’re going to be like everyone else.”

I remember the grandma who toured our local pregnancy center. She thought the best thing parents could do for their daughters was to get them on The Pill so they wouldn’t need a pregnancy test.

Then there was the single father who raised his daughter to believe in Jesus, but made sure she had the Gardasil shot and was using birth control. “I know what I was like at her age and I know she’s just going to sleep around so I have to look out for her.”

And there was the pastor who told me that he’s taken some girls from his congregation for abortions because “their parents wouldn’t be supportive of an unplanned pregnancy.” These girls are “just going to do it,” he explained. “They can’t help it . . . so I need to be there for them.”

Can’t help it? What does this say about the way adults view children?

Children are sinful human beings born into a love-to-sin-world. Do we say, “My child is a sinner. It’s just who he is, so I’m going to help him lie, cheat, and steal with the least amount of damage.” Is this how God sees children? Is this how He helps them?

When we don’t see children the way God does, then our mentoring role in their lives is compromised.

Yes, children are sinful… just like their parents and grandparents. But baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, God sees us as His adopted sons and daughters in Christ. Jesus won for God’s children the privilege of becoming heirs of the heavenly kingdom. This not only bestows value but defines purpose.

Identity matters! Our sons and daughters are not “sexual from birth” as Planned Parenthood sees them. They are not captive to instincts and desires. They are persons created more in the image of God than the image of wolves and rabbits. To see children as God does is to realize they are more than flesh and blood but spirit and, because they are spirit, every choice they make will take them either closer to — or farther from — God.

It is the children who suffer when we fail to see them as God does. Expectations for their purpose and behavior are lowered. Their future appears grim.

Identity matters. And, because it does, my grandchildren need me to remind them of what happened at the baptismal font. Their baptism “is an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to Him” (1 Peter 3:21-22). I can literally tell my grandchildren that their Lord and Savior rules! This means that someday, when they are teenagers, they won’t have to be subject to raging hormones or made foolish by lack of judgment. In remembering who they are, they will know the source of their wisdom and strength. This will affect their choices and behavior. But that’s not all.

When boys and girls see themselves the way God does, the way they view each other will improve. Relationships will take on new meaning. Think about it. If boys see themselves in light of their baptism as sons of God and girls see themselves as daughters of God, then all baptized people become brothers and sisters in Christ.

Can you imagine? I mean, really! Can you imagine the impact this would have on high school and college campuses… at the beach… in the workplace… around the neighborhood… and for society as a whole?

I can. And it renews my hope.

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Marriage Expectations

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged bride, children, culture, divorce, environment, expectations, groom, husband, Jesus Christ, love, man, marriage, opposites, patience, procreation, selflessness, sexual compatibility, society, wedding, wife, woman on June 14, 2011| Leave a Comment »

June is the traditional month for weddings. Marriage expectations are high. Most brides and grooms expect to have all their hopes and needs met by the other. Is this possible?

In God’s perfect world, yes. In a fallen and sin-filled world, no.

Marriage was instituted by God. It is a union of two completely different people — male and female — for the benefit of children and society. It is a relationship that models the agape love of patience, kindness, selflessness, and faithfulness. It builds family and community. It mentors the vibrant and compatible roles of manhood and womanhood for generations to come.

History explains. After God created man, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). God wanted man to know that he was not yet complete. He had no mate appropriate for him and he had no means of procreation.

“Fit for him” literally means “like his opposite.” Imagine that. She fit perfectly with him, yet they were not the same — anatomically, hormonally, or psychologically. With God, they would procreate new life. She would be the vessel for the young one he would protect.

Equal, but different, the man and woman would unite in a partnership. Their unique character traits and personalities would harmonize. In God’s order of creation, a “helper” (Hebrew: ezer) would be an “assistant” and “ally.” The ezerwoman would not be dissimilar from the “Helper” sent by Jesus to the disciples. That Helper, the Holy Spirit, was called a “comforter,” “advocate,” and “encourager.”

The woman would know joy and contentment in her role of “helper.” She would find limitless possibilities in her multi-faceted vocation. She would help man to be a better steward over all creation. She would help nurture all the living. The man would rejoice in his completeness. He would love the woman built from his rib and guard her life as if it were his own. He would serve not his own glory, but the glory of God (to her benefit).

In the first marriage, there was no fear. Resentment. Envy. Frustration. Anger. Heartache. Disappointment.

Everything changed when the first husband and wife sinned against God. They were equally guilty, yet the consequences of their sins were as different as their natures.

Today’s bride and groom may expect to have all their needs met. But, in a fallen and imperfect world, no person can do that for another. Only God can and will fulfill our deepest needs. At the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, the Bishop of London noted, “As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great of burden.”

Let us ease the burden with encouragement. Sin distorts God’s perfect plan, but the original design is still in place. It serves well when trusted.

A woman “fit for him” remains a husband’s opposite. She is made to think, act, and love differently. Sin complicates those differences. Not only are they male and female, they have contrasting personality traits, quirks, familial histories, and experiences that may threaten to tear the marriage apart. But, there is another choice. With forgiveness and practice, husband and wife can merge their best qualities for the benefit of a stronger marriage. They can stop playing “me against you” and become “we.” They can unite as a team for the sake of their children.
A woman’s role still complements the man’s. She is his “helper.” Regardless of sin and circumstances, she has a choice: to help him be a good or poor steward; to encourage or discourage; to build up or tear down; to connect him to children or disconnect. He has the choice to use God’s Word for life, warn against death, and cover his wife and children with his faithfulness — or not.

Equal, yet different, husband and wife have an example to follow.

Jesus is equal to God. He is God yet, in His role as the Son, He submitted to His Father’s will in order to be the Savior of the world. A wife who respects her husband and submits to his appropriate leadership is really submitting to God. A man who loves his wife as Christ loved the Church is submitting himself to God.

Marriage expectations? On this earth, husband and wife won’t make each other completely happy. Won’t meet each others every need. Warm fuzzies will fade. But, Jesus in a marriage makes two “better than one.” Opposites who glorify God rather than self change the environment. Root deeper. Build stronger. Persist against every foe.