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Merry Christmas, Jan!

Posted in Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, tagged Christ-like love, family, Jan Ebert, pro-life, witness, woman's advocate on December 24, 2010| 2 Comments »

A long-time friend and warrior in the battle for life was taken home this week. Her death was unexpected. Hit by another car, she died instantly. This amazing woman will be missed by family, friends, and all those she served throughout a life-time of agape love.

Agape love well describes my friend, Jan Ebert. It is the name of the ministry to which she dedicated her heart and soul. Some may ask: Why now? Why at Christmas?

Knowing my friend as I do, I believe Jan would tell us that she now rejoices in the most unimaginable, yet longed for Christmas gift. Her prayers have been answered. She is sitting at the feet of her Heavenly Father singing His praises and basking in His agape love for her.

Jan and I walked into uncharted territory many years ago. With others, we took a stand for life and co-founded Lutherans For Life of Iowa. I became president. She became the Executive Director of the AGAPE Pregnancy Center in Des Moines and served in that position until her departure from this earth. Jan will be missed because she put her love into action. But, knowing Jan as I do, I think she would say, “Do not grieve!” I believe Jan prayed many times: Come Lord Jesus. And, for her, He has.

Jesus came down from heaven this Christmas to carry home my friend.

Jan knew she was a vessel in the Lord’s hands for whatever time God allotted. She was faithful to do what was placed before her, recognizing her human frailties but trusting God for discernment and strength. Her eyes were always on Jesus. “The most important thing I am called to do,” she always reminded me, “is to share Christ with those in need.” That’s exactly what Jan did. She was an advocate for the women who came to AGAPE. She prayed for them. She recognized the deceiver at work in the lives of those women and, for that reason, she wrapped their bodies, hearts, and souls in the warmth of God’s Word. She took their calls all hours of the day and met with strangers at their convenience. Through Jan, God welcomed countless babies into the world.

Jan was a light in a dark world. But, she could only be a light because she clung to her Savior, Jesus Christ. This Christmas when I sing “From Heaven Above to Earth I Come,” I will think of Jesus — true Agape — coming to earth for Jan. And I will hear Jan say to me:

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise, you should be glad and rejoice with me (Philippians 2:14-18).

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Oh, Gentlemen!

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged behavior, family, God's Word, headship, instruction, leadership, order of creation, respect, selflessness, society on December 20, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Gentlemen. What words are there for you? As a mom, I can speak to my sons about women. I can describe feelings, emotions, and the complexities of my gender. But, any wisdom and true instruction I have for men comes only from God.

“The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, ‘You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die'” (Genesis 2:15-17).

“. . . [T]he man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, ‘Where are you?'” (vv. 8-9).

God created man to be the head and steward of His creation. It is to man that God gave the words of life and the warning away from death. Man was to pass on the Word of Truth — to his wife, their children, and their children’s children. Even though the woman was the first to disobey God, man was held responsible. Such is the order of God’s creation. Even after sin, God brings order out of chaos using the leadership of godly men.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body” (Ephesians 5:25-30).

The husband is not to rule his wife, but to love her (Colossians 3:19). St. Paul wrote more to the husband than to the wife because it is an opportunity to rejoice in the Gospel. If a husband’s love for his wife is Christlike, he is willing to give up his very life for her (Galatians 2:20; Titus 2:14; 1 John 3:16). St. Paul notes that the husband is the “head” in a marriage. Perhaps it follows, then, that the wife is the “heart.” One is not more important than the other; both are necessary for life. Neither man nor woman honor God or themselves by asking: “What can I get out of this marriage?” Instead, everything a husband — or a wife — does should be a living illustration of Christ’s love.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

Feminists may be offended by the expression “weaker vessel.” But, as students of history, we do well to remember that the culture of the Apostle Peter’s time had little respect for women. For this reason, the apostle was guided to choose his words with express care for women. Physically, women are typically smaller in size and weaker in strength then men, which could make them vulnerable to abuse. Peter admonishes husbands not to exploit a woman’s size and strength in unkind ways. Viewing husband and wife through Biblical eyes, each was made to complement the other. Both are heirs of God’s saving grace.

What about the unmarried man? How is he to treat a girl or woman? St. Paul prepares the young man Timothy for ministry with these words:

“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity” (1 Timothy 5:1-2).

A man is called by God to treat all people as Jesus did — as members of His own family (Matthew 12:46-50). Here is a culturally-transforming opportunity for men. Can you imagine how esteemed and safe women — and, therefore, children — would be if they were treated like mothers and sisters?

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I Don’t Feel Loved

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, Vocation, tagged change, disappointment, emotions, family, forgive, forgiven, God's Word, hope, husband, love, marriage, needs, sacrifice, wife on December 15, 2010| 2 Comments »

Relationships grow when rooted in the love of Christ. Christ’s love was shown in the doing of a hard thing. Christ’s love was sacrificial. We don’t have to sacrifice for our salvation. Jesus Christ did that on the Cross for us. It’s done… once and for all. Believing that, we’re called to live as forgiven people who also forgive others. In a working marriage, husband and wife are constantly forgiving each other. A particular “need” or “want” may be sacrificed for the sake of the relationship. Such sacrifice cannot be measured, but is a fragrant offering to God.

During my lifetime, women have been told they have the right to have their needs met. A “good” husband is expected to meet those needs. But, what if he doesn’t?

Time and experience wrapped in God’s Word speak.

“I thought I could change him.”

A friend wasted so many years trying to “fix” her husband. She pushed, prodded and regularly reminded him of his failures. In time, she realized that her techniques never worked. Instead of trying to change him, she asked God for a changed attitude. Little by little, she learned that it was her job to love her husband and God’s job to change him. 1 Peter 3:1-5 reminds a wife that she can win even an unbelieving husband with respect, pure conduct, and a quiet spirit.

“He doesn’t make me happy.”

A friend admitted that she was very dependent on her husband for her happiness. She married him because he seemed strong, stable, and confident. She expected him to take care of her like a good dad would take care of his daughter. So focused on her own insecurities, she didn’t see that he, too, was sometimes fearful, unsure, and struggling. One day, she adjusted her prayers. “Please, dear God, help me be a better wife.” She welcomed him at the door with a smile. She asked him about his day. She left cheerful and encouraging notes on his mirror, by his plate, and inside his boots. It sounds rather magical, but in choosing her words with care and thinking of little ways to make her husband happy, this wife became more content. She had a purpose. She was serving God and He was surprising her with joy. Joy is a fruit of God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:22).

“I feel more worthless with him than I think I would without him.”

A woman does not get her identity from her husband. Treasured or abused, her value does not come from man. Nor does our identity change with the circumstances of life. Our identity — our value — is sure and certain because of what Jesus Christ did for us. “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are” (1 John 3:1).

“He’s such a disappointment.”

For many years, the wife mourned her marriage. She was sure that God had made a mistake. We’re too different, she thought. This will never work. Quite unexpectedly, the woman realized she really wasn’t fighting her husband, she was fighting God. Focusing on her disappointment, she was paralyzed to think or do good. Over time, she began to zero in on her husband’s strengths and minimize his weaknesses. Every time he acted in an annoying way, she chose to think about his positive attributes. She stopped criticizing him to her friends and started speaking well of him. People of light “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 4:5, 11).

“He doesn’t seem to care about meeting my needs.”

No matter what the feminists told us, men and women aren’t the same. Equal, yep. But, not the same. So, first of all, men can’t know all of our needs because they don’t think, feel, or communicate like we do. And, second of all, shame on us for idolizing ourselves! Are we called to be served, or to serve? Honestly, who really knows our needs: us… or the One who made us? A wife of many years put it this way: “I’ve learned that my husband is meeting my greatest needs. His faithfulness is my security. His labor provides financial covering and numerous freedoms. Our shared faith makes us companions even when times are hard. Does he love me? Yes. It is shown in his perseverance (1 Corinthians 13:7).”

“I don’t feel loved.”

Maybe we have the wrong definition of love. If it’s an emotion, sometimes we’ll feel it and sometimes we won’t. Love is better defined as the willingness to act for the benefit of another. Love is being patient, kind, and unselfish (1 Corinthians 13:4-6). I have found that love is when a husband and wife, in spite of differences, want to be a team. “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11). This is a world made hard by sin. When the enemy of life stands at the door ready to devour us, feelings and emotions will provide little defense. But, real love evidenced by selfless partnership will overpower evil. “A threefold cord (husband, wife, and Christ) is not quickly broken” (v. 12).

“Everyday, he grows more distant.”

A woman has great power. She can break or make a man. She can crush a man’s spirit — with a look or a word — or she can help his spirit soar. When she emasculates him, brashly or subtly, her dagger slices deep to his masculine core to attack his very personhood. No wonder it is better for him “to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9). Indeed, “the wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down” (Proverbs 14:1).

Marriage is a hard dance. Not surprising when we remember that we are sinful people living in a sin-filled world. Not surprising when we acknowledge that men and women are equal, but different. Not surprising when we consider our uniqueness as persons. For this reason, we need the Word of God as our music. Only then does the dance begin to change.

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Living in Babylon?

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Citizenship, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, Vocation, tagged church, civilization, Daniel, encouragement, example, helper, home, ideas, neighbors, pagan culture, patience, practices, The Life, The Truth, The Way on December 7, 2010| 1 Comment »

Remember when God’s people were taken captive by the Babylonians? Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon, took seige of Jerusalem and moved the people of God to live in his land. These days, I feel as if people of the Word have been taken captive, too, but didn’t have to leave their homes, schools, churches, or places of employment.

The question is, how do we live in Babylon? Some, intimidated into thinking “we can’t mix church and state,” are paralyzed into silence. Some, feeling overwhelmed by powerful forces, pull back into the crevices of the familiar and safe. A great many, believing themselves to have progressed out of God’s Word, have become like the Babylonians.

There are others, however, who are affecting a pagan culture — one heart and soul at a time.

We live where we live. Here’s the question for me: How do I, as an ezerwoman (helper), make the greatest difference where I am and with what I have? How do I affect a pagan culture — one heart and soul at a time?

Babylon, like America today, was a mighty civilization that tolerated opposing religions, thoughts and practices. But, many Babylonians were good neighbors, friends and co-workers. God placed me where I am and, although it may feel like I’m living in a strange and foreign land, I think I’ll better affect good neighbors, friends and family whenever I remember who I am and live accordingly.

I am, first and foremost, a creation of God and a treasure for whom Christ gave all He had. That is my identity. It does not change with the circumstances of my life. Trusting this identity, any semblance of racism melts away. Trusting this identity, every human life — from conception to natural death — is valuable and worthy of respect. Trusting this identity, I am free to be the “helper” God made me to be.

Do you know that the term for “helper” used in Genesis 2:18 (Hebrew: ezer) also applies to God in Psalm 70:5? Jesus said to His followers, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. You know Him, for he dwells with you and will be in you” (John 14:15-17). That Helper is the Holy Spirit. The Greek for “helper” (parakletos) means “comforter” or someone who appears on another’s behalf (“advocate”). Do you understand why I find no insult in being a woman? In being a “helper” or “helpmate?” As a helper, I’m in good company!

As an ezerwoman, I can help, encourage, comfort, and be an advocate for my husband, sons, grandsons, father, brothers, uncles, nephews, pastor, and every male with whom I work or fellowship. I can help by choosing to build up the struggling men in my life rather than tear them down with disrespect or cutting words. I can help by practicing patience when my husband needs a little more time to get his arms around a new idea (1 Peter 3:1-2). I can help by speaking, dressing, and behaving in such a way that encourages men and boys to act chivalrous and godly (1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:4). I can help by using the model of Titus 2:1-5 with younger women. I can help by contrasting “silly myths” (1 Timothy 4:7-10) with the “Way, the Truth, and the Light” (John 14:6).

Daniel found himself captive in Babylon. He was educated in Babylon. He was called to serve the king of Babylon. But, he remained faithful to God in all things. Daniel acknowledged that he was of no use to the wicked (Daniel 12:10). That’s true for me (and you), too. But as an ezerwoman who remembers her identity and clings to God’s Word for Life, I am encouraged to encourage, joyful to share joy, and strengthened even in a strange and foreign land with faith, hope, and patience.

You know, when I think about it, I’m happiest when I’m helping. I’m more content when I’m encouraging others. Perhaps God is showing me the best way to live out my days in Babylon.

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It’s the Little Things

Posted in Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, tagged celebration, contentment, dialogue, emotion, faith, family, friendships, joy, spiritual warfare, travel on November 30, 2010| 1 Comment »

Yesterday was my birthday. My gift was a day of joy. Joy is not an emotion or feeling that I “stir up.” Joy doesn’t come naturally from anything I do. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. And, on this day, joy was experienced in countless little things.

None of us knows how a day will play out, do we? There are days when everything seems to go wrong or when I just feel out of sync with God, myself and others. But, on Monday, November 29, every little thing seemed right.

No celebratory plans had been made. A road trip to Sedona before heading back to Iowa just seemed a good “spur of the moment” idea. With brilliant blue sky above us and hot coffee in our thermos (yes, a little cream), we weaved through the Superstition Mountains up to “rim country” and the cowboy town of Payson. Those of you who know me have probably figured out that I get “good” or “not so good vibes” from certain environments. A drive through Payson and then the little villages of Pine and Strawberry comforted me. While we drove, Paul and I were deeply involved in discussions of God’s Word and what He says to us, our family, and this culture. I was in my element. Joy wrapped contentment.

The road meandered through pine forests and beside red sandstone cliffs before dropping into the Verde Valley. Always before, we had driven I-17 to reach the red rock country of Sedona. Never again! This back country road provided peace for the soul but, at the same time, joyful anticipation: What’s around the next bend?

Sedona has a reputation for being a kind of “new age” mecca. A resident Lutheran pastor once commented on the spiritual warfare he discerns in this place where faiths collide. I’ve visited the shops where crystals, wicca wear, and all manner of cultish books are pandered. Paul and I have walked the trails where pagan ceremonies are sometimes held. But, on this day, we were not to be distracted by evil; rather, we were directed toward all the goodness of God’s creation.

Lunch was “just right.” Two cookies — cranberry oatmeal and chocolate chip — seemed the perfect treat following a half tuna salad and cup of tummy-warming soup. Half of each cookie was eaten piece by piece all afternoon. The other halves were saved for tomorrow 🙂 An hour or so was spent in a family-favorite shopping village of Tlaquepaque: Paul patiently content, me on a gifts-for-friends quest. Paul would rather be anywhere other than near a store but, on this day, he, too, relaxed in the presence of joy.

Joy in the little things continued all afternoon. Sons, Jon and Josh, both called at exactly the same time. Visits weren’t all birthday focused; no matter! The little thing of timing was significant to me. While Jon talked with Paul about farm matters on one cell phone, I listened to sounds of joyful chatter from our youngest grandson on another. Josh, our daughter-in-law, Alison, and six-month-old Max chimed in on speaker phone. Then, a friend called. Some text messages arrived. As a spectacular setting sun begged for attention, another call came to Paul from his brother. It didn’t matter that the call had nothing to do with my birthday. The joy was in the communication of siblings whose lives and good counsel matter to each other.

It would have seemed that the day was complete. Completely perfect. But, no, joy in the little things continued. Even in the darkness, the pine forests welcomed us back. The Christmas lights of Strawberry and Pine reminded me of the anticipatory season. A little detour off the main road through Payson took us to an unfamiliar, but charming restaurant. During dinner, two more text messages arrived from son, Jon, and daughter-in-law, Angie. When we arrived back in Gold Canyon, an e-mail from grandson Jaden awaited me. Our neighbor was still up, ready to hear about our day. And…

… this birthday girl pondered the joy of little things in her heart.

Thank you, my Heavenly Father, for the gift of this day. Thank You for stirring up joy that I could never do for myself. And thank You for my husband — who, on this particular day, carried not my burdens but delighted in my joys.

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Chaos Rules… Or Does It?

Posted in Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Relationships, Vocation, tagged chaos, created order, creation, creator, darkness, foolishness, God's Word, Job, light, mentor, morality, order, silly myths on November 29, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Sometimes it’s easy to think that chaos rules.

But, does it?

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth,” asks God of Job. “Tell me if you have such insight. Who determined its dimensions . . . who stretched a measuring line over it? On what were its footings sunk? Who laid its cornerstone when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? Who shut the sea behind gates . . . and said, ‘You may come this far but no farther. Here your proud waves will stop” (Job 38:4-11).

God, the creator of the universe, has never and will never relinquish control. It would be contrary to His very nature. The God who connects the chains of the constellation Pleiades and unties the ropes of Orion (v. 31); the God who sends lightening flashes so that they may go and say to you “Here we are” (v. 35); and the God who put wisdom in the heart and gave understanding to the mind (v. 36) is the God who provides food for the crow when its young ones cry . . . (v. 41).

Does chaos reign?

Too many times, it would appear so. But, there is plenty of evidence which tells me that God, not chaos, reigns supreme. Did you know, for example, that the Quran (Koran) can’t be translated into any other language? That means that most people being converted to Islam have little understanding of what they are taught to recite. Contrast that with the fact that God’s Word, the Bible, is published in 95% of the languages of the world.

Did you know that in Europe, religious questions are back in the culture, in part, because of the rise of Islam and its repercussions? And, have you noticed the growing number of bestsellers by atheists during the past several years? Atheists and die-hard evolutionists are writing on the subject of God being bad or terrible. Why would they do that if they truly believed they’d already won the argument and that God doesn’t exist? Ten or 20 years ago it would have seemed odd for atheists like Richard Dawkins to bother writing about a mythical figure.

Does chaos rule?

The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers gather together against the Lord and against his anointed One. “Let us break their chains,” they say, “and throw off their fetters.” The One enthroned in heaven laughs; the Lord scoffs at them . . . (Psalm 2:1-4).

God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne (Psalm 4:8).

Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told (Habakkuk 1:5).

It may appear that our culture has lost its moral footing. Even though we still live at the same address, we may feel as if we’ve been taken captive to Babylon. We may feel paralyzed and powerless to engage. But, while God is doing His work, there is something we can do, too. We can live. We can live as men and women eager to glorify God. We glorify God when we mentor with His Word for the sake of others. God even provides a mentoring model that, when used, transforms the culture one man, woman, child, neighbor, and community at a time. This model was first given to a young pastor named Titus so that he and his congregation could affect the lives of others seemingly captive to a pagan culture. Ponder that model in Titus 2:1-8. It most certainly caught my attention. (Visit Titus 2 for Life )

Does chaos reign?

It may appear that our world is spinning out of control. But, we don’t have to be paralyzed. We can do something. We can resist “silly myths.” Just as we can train ourselves to eat healthy food and exercise, we can “train ourselves for godliness.” We can “toil and strive” because we have a future of hope “set on the living God” (1 Timothy 4:7-10).

In chaos there is darkness. But, this is the season of Advent. During Advent, we light candles. Candles remind us of the Light; the Light that cannot be overwhelmed:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. he was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him was not anything made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it . . . And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth (John 1:1-5; 14).

God, the Creator of the universe, has never and will never relinquish control. It would be contrary to His very nature. The God who connects the chains of the constellation Pleiades and unties the ropes of Orion sends darkness to cower in corners. He is the Word come to earth in the glory of Jesus Christ.

That glorious Word brings order out of chaos.

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The Heart of Her Husband Trusts in Her

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, Vocation, tagged " vulnerability, "gentle & quiet spirit, deception, Eve, family, hope, husband, Jesus Christ, marriage, Proverbs 31, selflessness, spiritual warfare, wife, woman on November 6, 2010| 1 Comment »

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:10-11)

The Proverbs 31 woman seems to receive lots of praise from both men and women. But, perhaps the praise is for something different than we think.

The first woman, Eve, fell into sin when she failed to trust God, doubted His Word, and determined for herself what was right and wrong. This is not the case with the Proverbs 31 woman. She appears to know her identity as a feminine creature loved and valued by God. She trusts God and the fruit of that trust is her service to others. She does all that she does — smart and talented as she is — for her household, her family, her husband — out of love for the Lord. She does not focus on having her needs met, but on meeting the needs of others. She does not sit at the “gates” of the community “among the elders;” her husband does (v.23). She practices self-control because “she opens her mouth with wisdom” (not foolishness) and “the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (v. 26).

If we cannot praise the first woman, Eve, because she doubted and was deceived, then think about it. Why can we praise the Proverbs 31 woman? One of the early church fathers, St. Bernard of Clairvaux, wrote, “You have been enabled to reject the deceitful glory of the world . . . you deserve to be praised for not being deceived.”

So, then, “the heart of her husband trusts in her.”

Eve was tempted by a distortion of truth. Vulnerable — and not trusting God, she allowed herself to be deceived. I venture to say that the Proverbs 31 woman, living in a fallen and sinful world, was also tempted by distortions of truth. But, every time she put her trust in God, she was able to reject the “progressive” trends, lifestyles, and behaviors of the world around her.

In being submissive (remember gals: Jesus is God, yet He was submissive to the Father), a wife can win her husband for the Lord even if he is disobedient to the Word. It is not a woman’s outer appearance that influences a man so much as it is the “hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:1-4). This is how “holy women” who put their hope in God have always adorned themselves (v. 5).

So, then, “the heart of her husband trusts in her.”

Now, it’s time to get personal. I’m a wife. I’ve had my “Eve days” and my “Proverbs 31 woman” days. The prince of darkness likes to see me in conflict. But, when the Holy Spirit nudges me out of myself to see the men in my life, I recognize their fragility. My husband and sons, my dad and brother, my brother-in-laws and uncles all know how to tackle the “hard work” of life, make their way through obstacles, and faithfully provide for and cover their families. But, they often aren’t sure what to do with the relational side. They may appear strong, but feel weak. They may seem heartless, but feel wounded. They may look confidant and even arrogant, but feel like a failure. The heart of a man needs the “gentle and quiet spirit” of a godly woman.

The Proverbs 31 woman was aware of the feminine influence God had given to her, but she was not deceived into abusing that influence. I wonder: Could her husband open up to her because he knew she would bring him good not harm? Could he have confidence in her respect for him even when she disagreed with his leadership? Could he trust her to act rightly toward him no matter if she was having a good — or bad — day? Could he depend on her for an encouraging word, even in the midst of difficulty? I think so.

So, then, “the heart of her husband trusts in her.”

In all of my travels and all of my conversations with both men and women, I hear the same message: Wives need loving affirmation, conversation, and commitment. Husbands need respect. They receive this respect in a number of ways including intimacy, companionship, and domestic support and admiration. The “heart of her husband trusts in her” when she speaks well of him to his children and in the community. A godly man knows when he’s failing. When his wife speaks well of him in front of children or friends, he knows she isn’t giving him a pass or letting him off the hook. What he recognizes and values is her loyalty and “gentle and quiet spirit.” This encourages him to try harder, to do better.

Well, that’s how I see it. Anyone reading this may disagree. That’s o.k. I’m not calling myself a Proverbs 31 woman because I too often act like Eve. The struggle within me between deception and truth rages on. But, I have hope:

Those whose eyes rest on the Savior’s Cross will be renewed and transformed. Those who trust the Lord will obtain the wisdom needed to oppose deceit.

So… “the heart of her husband trusts in her.” He praises her, not because of what she does, but because she has been enabled to reject the deceit of the world.

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To Tear Down… or Build Up?

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, Vocation, tagged change, choice, control, encouragement, family, generations, Genesis, helper, hope, husband, marriage, steward, vocation, wife on November 5, 2010| 1 Comment »

“It is not good,” said the Lord God, “that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Let’s assume a Biblical understanding of the word “helper.” A “helper” (Hebrew: ezer) is defined as being an “assistant” or an “ally.” Perhaps most significantly, it is a description of God Himself. Before Jesus returned to heaven, He promised His disciples that He would send “another Helper” (John 14:16). That “Helper” is the Holy Spirit who is described as a “comforter” (Greek: parakletos) or someone who appears on anothers behalf. Some commentaries speak of the Holy Spirit as an “encourager.” The Holy Spirit imparts truth. Builds up. Strengthens.

I am not demeaned or offended to be a “helper fit for” man. There is order and purpose to everything that God does. God is order, the opposite of chaos. The Holy Spirit is the Third Person of the Trinity — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, yet the three are equal. The Holy Spirit is not inferior to the Father or the Son, but plays a different role. Lives are affected through the power of the Spirit’s presence as He helps, comforts, and encourages.

In the created order, woman is not inferior to man but plays a powerfully different role. Her presence and the way she chooses to use her natural power affects the lives of others.

Will she choose to use this power to discourage or encourage? To bring pain or comfort? To tear down or build up?

Man was created to be a good steward over all the earth, a defender of life, a tender covering over his wife, and the mentor of children and grandchildren. But, he can’t do this by himself. He needs the Word of God. After that, he needs a helper. That helper, said God, is woman.

How a woman helps, especially in her vocation as a wife, is explained by the way in which the first woman was made. “The rib that the Lord God had taken from the man He made into a woman . . .” (Genesis 2:22). The Hebrew word for “rib” is commonly used for a structural component related to the side of something. When speaking of a building, it may mean a pillar or beam. But, when used in reference to a person, it generally means a “rib bone.” In the structure of our anatomy, the rib guards the human heart and breath of life. Martin Luther called his wife, Katie, his “rib.” I am my husband’s rib. The rib is a strong bone, but it is also easily fractured or broken, especially when under attack. Women — and the men that women love — are vulnerable in a sinful world.

In this fallen and difficult world, a woman helps her husband by being a pillar supportive of his personhood and his vocations. Those vocations, or callings, include his stewardship, fatherhood, employment on behalf of family, and respected place in community. How does she do this, yet remain fearless in the face of her own vulnerability?

She clings to her identity as God’s creation and the treasure for whom Jesus Christ gave all He had. This identity never changes, no matter the circumstances. Some women think their identity is found in being a wife, mother, teacher, musician, care-giver, or friend. Some find their identity in their appearance, popularity, or health. All of these vocations and circumstances are in a constant state of change. Our identity as God’s creation and the treasure of Christ never changes… no matter if our children grow up or we lose our job, best friend, or health.

When a woman trusts her identity in Christ, she is free to use her natural power in positive ways. She doesn’t have to control the people or circumstances in her life, but can practice self-control for the good of her neighbor. In a marriage, that neighbor is her husband. She has the power to make or break or husband; to build up or tear down.

Some women know they have this power. They make a conscious decision to assume control. Some women are clueless about this power. They may slowly and painfully destroy their husbands with cruel and insensitive words and behaviors. Perhaps, feeling small, they try to build themselves up by tearing their husbands down. Both kinds of women have the same core problem: Their foundation is unsure. They have forgotten (or never been taught) their identity in Christ. There is another woman. She is keenly aware of the power entrusted to her by God; therefore, she strives to use that power for good. She knows her identity is sure and certain, no matter the circumstances. She turns outward from self to others and, in so doing, brings glory to God.

God’s Word in the book of Proverbs speaks of a woman’s power — and choice. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones” (12:4). “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down” (14:1). “A wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain. House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (19:13-14).

The power of a woman — the helper, pillar and rib — is life-affecting and life-changing. Disciplined, it is awesome. Undisciplined, it is dangerous.

Will a woman choose to tear down… or build up? The answer to this question doesn’t only affect men. It affects children — for generations to come.

This ezerwoman will continue to ponder and think aloud on the journey. In the meantime, you’re invited to visit Titus 2 for Life.

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Excellent Medicine?

Posted in Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged abortion, abortion trauma, choice, consequences, death, evil, hope, spiritual warfare on November 1, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Women have abortions because they care about motherhood . . . [It’s] excellent medicine.”

So said Elizabeth Newhall on MSNBC, October 25, 2010. Ms. Newhall has been deceived. Death is never good medicine. Who is her deceiver?

Jesus called satan a “murderer from the beginning.” He said that satan had “nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). Later, Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

The “murderer” first approached woman in the Garden of Eden. He had no respect for her or the children that would grow in her womb. Despising the human life that God so loves, satan wanted woman to be the mother of death. He tempted her to think God was holding something back from her, something that should rightfully be hers. He deceived her into false spirituality and, failing to trust God, the woman determined her own standard of right and wrong. The man stood by in silence. He failed to remember God, enter into battle with the “murderer” and protect his “rib.” Only then did male and female fall into sin. Their relationship with God and each other was never the same.

The battle for life had begun.

But, God is the God of hope and promise. He did not want woman to be the mother of death. And so, He named her Eve which means “life” (Hebrew: chawwah). Eve became the “mother of all the living” (Genesis 3:20). Indeed, through her seed came the Promised One, Jesus Christ, who has victory over the “father of lies” and “murderer”.

Until Jesus returns, this will be a deceptive world where evil is called “excellent medicine.” But, the Creator of Life is not compatible with death. He loves mother and child. It is not His will that either be in harm’s way.

The God who created motherhood says choose the “blessing,” not the “curse” (Deuteronomy 30:19). He says:

Choose life… that you and your children may live.

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Thinking About Men

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, tagged attitude, chaos, encouragement, family, helper, hope and change, hurt, Jesus Christ, leadership, order, servant-style love on October 29, 2010| Leave a Comment »

God has entrusted to men a noble and high calling. I truly believe that, in my vocation as a woman (ezer, “helper”), I am called to encourage men to be all that God has made them to be.

I must pause here to note that I’ve been surrounded by godly men. They, themselves, would admit that they are far from perfect. They have failed. But, aware of their high calling, they have never abused, abandoned or left me uncovered and at risk.

Without a doubt, there are women who do not trust men because they have been deeply hurt by them. On several occasions, while speaking to this or that group, I’ve recognized the pain and anger in the body language of a woman in the audience. In a way, I am grateful when the angry woman approaches me because I am given the opportunity to do two things: 1) Validate her feelings, not because I can understand them, but because they are real; and 2) Point her to the perfect Man, Jesus Christ who loves, respects, covers, restores, and heals all women — no matter what the circumstances.

Yes, men have hurt women. But, the modern feminist movement with its twisted and distorted sense of equality has struck a cruel and damaging blow to men. Men may respond in anger or passivity, neither of which are good for women. I fear for the family — indeed, our nation — when men are openly disrespected, labeled “idiots,” and demeaned in every sort of way.

Over the years, I’ve spoken to groups of younger and older men. In a Bible study entitled Called To Remember (Lutherans For Life or Concordia Publishing House), I encourage men by reminding them how much women, children and society need them. I’ve also apologized to them for the ways women tease, confuse, and fail to respect Biblical manhood.

God created women to be faithful and discerning helpers of men because “it was not good that man be alone” (Genesis 2:18). When given the choice, why would a woman who loves the Lord choose to tear a man down rather than build him up? Why would a daughter of God in Christ turn from her special role to covet that of another? Even if she has been hurt, why would a thinking woman fall to the behavior of a cruel and abusive man?

Silly women play competitive games with men. Odd, I think, that women who have been given the ability to bear life, connect men to children, shape attitudes, build relationships, and nurture a future of hope would despise such awesome privilege. God created male and female to be equal, but He didn’t make them at the same time, in the same way, or for the same purpose.

There is a lot more I’d like to say, but here’s my conclusion (for now). I am a better woman because of godly men: my dad, husband, two sons, four grandsons, father-in-law, brother, two brother-in-laws, and twelve nephews. Do we think and act differently? Oh yes. Do they frustrate me? Oh yes. Do they disappoint me? Oh yes. But, when danger lurks at my door, I want to stand behind my husband. When an unhealthy culture concerns me, I want to look to my Christian sons and see hope. When silly women weary me, I want to step away for awhile to enjoy the company of sane and sensible men.

In every way I can, I promise to support and encourage the men that God places in my life. It seems to me this will be to everyone’s advantage — male and female.

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