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Ezer’s Handbook #9: Mentor and Encourage Biblical Manhood

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged boys should be boys, complementary sexes, created order, defenders of life, family, fathers, grandfathers, heroes, Meg Meeker, patriarchy, sex education in the Church on April 26, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Here’s the final page from Ezer’s Handbook!

Mentor and Encourage Biblical Manhood

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die (Genesis 2:15-17). Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18). Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness . . . urge the younger men to be self-controlled (Titus 2:2, 6).

Honor God’s created order by being a helper. There is no shame in being a helper. In John 24:16, Jesus called the Holy Spirit a “Helper” (Greek: parakletos, “comforter” or someone who appears on another’s behalf—“advocate”). In what ways does a Christian woman help or hinder a man in a dating relationship? In the workplace? In what ways does a Christian wife help or hinder her husband? In what ways does a Christian mother help or hinder the father of her children? In what ways does a Christian mother help or hinder her son?

Mentor sons. A woman is needed to mentor her sons, grandsons and all of the boys God brings into her life. She doesn’t do this like a father. Mom and dads are not interchangeable roles. She is needed to model biblical womanhood, he is needed to model biblical manhood, and both are needed to show the complementary design of marriage for the good of family. A mom models femininity, virtue, modesty in dress and behavior, and respect for her husband. She is not quarrelsome. “Strength and dignity are her clothing . . . she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness . . . she fears the Lord” (Proverbs 31:25-30). A son needs to see that his mom is not deceived by the world. Recommended resources include Boys Should Be Boys (7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons) by Meg Meeker, M.D.; Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson; Raising Boys By Design by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD and Michael Gurian; and Raising Real Men by Hal and Melanie Young. Encourage dads to do a study of Proverbs 4-7 with their sons. The Lutheran Study Bible (ESV) with commentary provides plenty for discussion. If a dad isn’t present, study these chapters from Proverbs with your son. Help him avoid the “temptress”. Oh! That reminds me. Another resource (how could I forget?) is The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity. The book is available on Amazon by mid-May. More than expose the humanistic origin of sex education, it focuses on identity and provides suggestions for parents who want to train children in biblical manhood and womanhood.

Encourage fathers to be heroes and defenders of their daughters. There is much evidence to suggest that girls will wait longer to be sexually active if they have a dad who provides appropriate attention. What does it mean when a father gives his daughter’s hand in marriage? What does it mean when he lifts his daughter’s veil on her wedding day? Recommended reading includes Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, M.D., and Unprotected by Miriam Grossman, M.D., and my two-part article Dad: A Girl’s First Hero (visit Titus 2 for Life – click on “writings”).

Resist the world’s disdain for patriarchy. Patriarchy is God’s plan to bring order into a sinful and often chaotic world. Men are held responsible for loving their wives and passing on the Truth of Jesus Christ to their children. Martin Luther wrote the Small Catechism, not for pastors to teach, but for fathers to teach their children in the home. Encourage the men of your congregation to use Men, Women and Relationships: Building a Culture of Life Across the Generations, a Bible study I wrote for college-age and older men and women (LFL901BS – CPH) Topics of particular interest to men are “Modern Man”, “The Abuse of Sex”, “Husbands and Wives”, “Heroes in a Culture of Life”, “Bearers and Defenders of Life”, and “Building a Culture of Life”. Each lesson includes a leader’s guide.

Raise the standard for men. The way a woman chooses to dress, speak and act can either raise—or lower—a man’s standard of behavior. Suggest that your women’s group read Christian Modesty and the Undressing of America by Jeff Pollard or check out the books Wendy Shalit has written on modesty. A ten lesson Bible study entitled Dressing for Life: Secrets of the Great Cover-up is available in a reproducible PDF format (LFLDFL) from CPH. I wrote the study to help moms and daughters resist immodest dress not just for their own sake but for the sake of boys and men. The study explains why God said fig leaves weren’t enough, why embarrassment is natural, and why a bride presents herself to her groom in a white wedding dress.

Encourage, respect and appreciate men. Purchase the Bible study Called to Remember (LFL302BS) from CPH. After a number of Titus 2 Retreats, I was asked to respectfully encourage men in their vocation of biblical manhood. This study is but one of many resources for pastors, men’s fellowship, your husband or son, or other male members in your family. The study calls men to accountability while also showing appreciation for their faithfulness. (See also The Men’s Network.) My grandfathers, father, and husband are humbled by their failures, but it is because of their faithfulness that I am more confident, secure and protected as a woman. Feminism speaks ill of men; but there are many women like myself who hold godly men in high esteem. The Book of Man (Readings on the Path to Manhood) by William J. Bennett is a collection of writings by men on work, war, citizenship, women and children, prayer and reflection. Encourage fathers and sons to watch the movie Patriot, The League of Grateful Sons, or Kirk Cameron’s Monumental. Study men like General Thomas Jackson. Jackson’s mother gave him away when he was seven, but he became a man of unbending faith and a Civil War hero respected by students at West Point and those he led into battle.

Visit Titus 2 for Life. Go to the “4 men” page and click on the links to articles that encourage and support biblical manhood. Thank God for humble, praying, and faithfully involved fathers, grandfathers, husbands, sons, pastors and friends.

This concludes a series of nine posts on mentoring. It is my prayer that older women not shy away from mentoring younger women in biblical womanhood so that, together, we might encourage biblical manhood.

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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Ezer’s Handbook #8: Mentor Holiness & Purity

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged baptism, boyhood, equality, feminism, girlhood, Jesus Christ, Meg Meeker MD, Miriam Grossman MD, parental role, sex education in the Church on April 19, 2014| Leave a Comment »

In a highly sexualized world, here’s a challenge for dads and moms who care about the physical, psychological and spiritual well-being of their children…

#8 – MENTOR HOLINESS & PURITY

For now thus says the Lord, he who created you . . . Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine (Isaiah 43:1). As obedient children, do not be conformed by the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy (1 Peter 1:14-16).

Host a parent night in your home or at church. Encourage dads and moms in their vocation of parenthood. God has entrusted children to parents, not to schools, “villages” or even churches. God gives parents everything they need in His Word to train up a child for the good path of life. Start an e-mail chain with resources that help parents contrast the message of Planned Parenthood (www.teenwire.org) with God’s Word. Suggestions include The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn, Boys Should Be Boys and Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, M.D., and the brochures “Purity, Mystery and Modesty” (LFL903T) and “Fig Leaves Are Not Enough” (LFL612T) from http://www.cph.org.

Know who you are so that you can teach your children who they are. Many Christians ask, “How is it that even children are sexualized?” Children are sexualized when adults fail to see them as God sees them. Sexualizing children is what happens when a culture is deceived by humanists such as Alfred Kinsey, Mary Calderone, or John Money and organizations such as SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S.) and Planned Parenthood. For half a century, Christians and non-Christians alike have been taught to believe that “children are sexual from birth”. Nowhere in Scripture does God describe children this way. The phrase was coined by Kinsey who believed infants and children can enjoy and benefit from early sexual activity. His social science was wrong, but his research was widely accepted. Today, it is not unusual to hear Christians identify themselves (or their children) as “sexual beings”. But a false identity has both temporal and eternal ramifications. False identity compromises purity and puts human lives at risk. Our true identity was bestowed at Baptism. Baptized by water and the Word, we are heirs of God in Jesus Christ. We are sons and daughters of God in Christ who are called not to sensual living, but holy living. “Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work” (2 Timothy 2:21). God does not define us by our sexual inclinations, but by our relationship to Him. A helpful and brand new resource is The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity by Linda Bartlett (available on Amazon late May 2014) that will help parents and children navigate a highly sexualized culture. Todd Wilken of Issues, Etc., describes the book as a “catechism” that does “more than diagnose, but proposes a hopeful, radical and thoroughly biblical remedy: parents and grandparents teaching and mentoring children in biblical manhood and womanhood.” In the way of a catechism, this book instructs through 107 questions and answers. It encourages the old and young, single and married to ask: Who does God say that I am and what does this mean?

Contrast biblical instruction in purity with the worldly idea of sex education. Christians need to know the origin of sex education, then ask: “What fellowship has light with darkness (2 Cor. 6:14-16)?” Upon what foundation have we built? To help expose the origin of sex education and the ideology behind it, order The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity by Linda Bartlett (available on Amazon late May 2014). God wants parents to help protect the innocence of their children. He does not want adults to “arouse love before its time” or break down protective boundaries of modesty. Parents do well to remember: It’s not lack of information, it’s lack of judgment.” Read You’re Teaching My Child What? by Miriam Grossman, M.D. Learn why this campus psychiatrist from UCLA became fed up with political correctness and the feminism that denies young women the truth about their bodies. We must stop ignoring biological facts in the name of “equality”. The bodies of girls are not ready for sex. As the bearers of life, girls have a more sensitive “eco-system”; in fact, the Pill may actually make a girl more vulnerable to sexually-transmitted infections. A girl may “bond” with a boy even while hugging or kissing when oxytocin floods her brain and deactivates caution and fear. In the classroom a boy may vow to abstain, but at a party with a provocative girl, his amygdala (feeling part of the brain) may hijack his prefrontal cortex (thinking/decision-making part of the brain). Other recommended resources are Miriam Grossman, M.D. and Meg Meeker, M.D.

Grow in your appreciation of biblical manhood and womanhood for the sake of your children. Most modern parents have been influenced by the idea that equal means “being the same”, but God did not create Adam and Eve at the same time, in the same way or for the same purpose. A life of holiness and purity takes root in knowing who God created us to be a male or female persons. Mature manhood and womanhood are not sensually driven. (This is a chapter in The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity.) You will find a wealth of Scriptural and practical information by visiting CBMW. Or, you may order the 12-lesson Bible study Men, Women & Relationships: Building a Culture of Life Across Generations (with leader’s guide) by Linda Bartlett (LFL901BS) from CPH.

Don’t be intimidated by your own past. Confessed sins are forgiven by Jesus Christ and hope is evidenced in new beginnings and a changed life. Biblical heroes were sinful men and women; nevertheless, they trusted God’s Word and used it to train children and grandchildren. What does Psalm 78:1-8 say to a parent? While it is true that sins may be visited about the third and fourth generation, mercy is shown to thousands of generations (Exodus 20:5-6). What is the promise of Ephesians 2:8-10; 1 Timothy 4:7-10 and 1 John 2:28-29?

The last in this series, #9: Mentor and Encourage Biblical Manhood, is coming soon!

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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Ezer’s Handbook #7: Mentor in the Midst of Opposition

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged bridge generations, deception, depression, feminism, girls at risk, wisdom on April 12, 2014| 2 Comments »

There is a lot of opposition to God’s Word and to the way He wants us to pass on the truth: generation to generation. With that in mind, let’s consider one more opportunity —

#7: Mentor in the Midst of Opposition
One generation shall commend Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts . . . They shall speak of the might of Your awesome deeds, and I will declare Your greatness (Psalm 145:4, 6).

Let’s stop fooling ourselves. Everything is not okay with young women today. Girls are coming of age in a society in which institutions of marriage, family and church have been badly weakened putting them at risk in ways their grandmothers and great-grandmothers were not. Everything that is naturally womanly—especially anything having to do with motherhood and children—is regarded by feminists as something that has to be overcome rather than embraced. Providers of contraceptive and abortion services have replaced mothers as the main source of authority on sexual matters. A growing number of young women who are in and out of relationships experience chronic depression. But, there is hope! A young woman whose parents set boundaries for their daughter’s sake, remain involved, and help her see the bigger picture of her life seem to make healthier choices.

Be aware of the opposition. Our “adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). As mothers and grandmothers, we need to be “sober-minded” and “watchful”. We do not “wrestle against” Victoria’s Secret or Planned Parenthood, but against the spiritual forces of evil that use sexual immorality, sensuality, idolatry, jealousy and rivalries (Galatians 5:19-20) to shape the minds of young women and lead them away from Jesus Christ. View for yourself Planned Parenthood’s website for teens (www.teenwire.org). The knowledge offered by the opposition holds no promise for this life or the one to come. It is for this reason that God’s Word instructs the believer in 1 Timothy 4:7-10 to train for godliness; “for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it hold promise for the present life and also for the life to come”. Take heart! In spite of the opposition, God remains in control. His Word is true. Jesus is victorious. The Spirit is at work.

Don’t be afraid; be equipped. We are engaged in a battle for young hearts and minds, but God has equipped us with armor and sword (Ephesians 6:14-18). Stand where you have been placed by God—as a wife, mother, grandmother, aunt, friend—and engage the world on behalf of your children, grandchildren, and neighborhood of children. When we practice the same faithfulness as Christian women before us we will mentor a new generation of biblically-courageous women.

Build a bridge between generations. Each generation wants to be a little different from the one before. Young women have always believed that they were more progressive than their mothers. But a younger generation needs an older generation to warn away from pitfalls and precipices. The babyboomers have much to apologize for, but parents who’ve taken their sins to the Cross can testify to children that “the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Break out of your peer group. A friend of mine explained what happened after she married and moved far away from her mom and church family. “In a strange new place, I was anonymous. My husband was not a believer, so we did not join a church. I really had no one to be accountable to; no one to talk to about the things in life that troubled me. When my daughter was born, I wanted to be the kind of mom my mother was to me, but she was too far away and I didn’t have the benefit of older, wiser women. I assumed that ‘experts’ in child care would be better for my child than me. Actually, I was looking for love, affirmation and encouragement… but in all the wrong places. I became involved with someone other than my husband. I had an abortion and a divorce soon followed.” My friend didn’t need the advice of her peers who were in circumstances similar to her own. She needed an older woman who had learned to trust pure wisdom, Jesus Christ (Proverbs 8). She needed an older Christian woman who could help her resist the deception of a sinful world and flee youthful passions.

Opportunity #8 (Mentor Purity) and #9 (Mentor and Encourage Biblical Manhood) coming soon!

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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Ezer’s Handbook #6: Mentor the Vocation of Motherhood

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged family traditions, home, hospitality, house-blessing, kindness, miscarriage, single motherhood, vocation of motherhood on April 12, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Here’s another opportunity from Ezer’s Handbook —

#6: Mentor the Vocation of Motherhood
The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living (Genesis 3:20).

Take a stand for life. Satan wanted woman to be the mother of death, but Adam named his wife “Eve” (Hebrew: chawwah, “life”) because she would be the mother of all the living. With this name, Adam expressed hope for the future through new life and, most importantly, through the promised Seed of the woman: Jesus Christ. How does God help us understand “choice” in Deuteronomy 30:19-20? Regardless of our choices in the past, what can we choose to do now? How does being pro-life affect the way we see ourselves and others? On Mother’s Day, celebrate the noble vocation of motherhood with a thank you to mothers and grandmothers. Pray for those who longed to be mothers but lost a child through miscarriage or stillbirth. Remember the mothers who chose abortion because they feared motherhood, that they might know the mercy of Jesus’ forgiveness and hope for new beginnings.

Trust God’s Word. A woman is, by God’s design, a “helper”. This is her first vocation. God equips wives and mothers to help men be good stewards, grow children in faith, defend human life, and serve neighbors. In what ways does a woman connect fathers to children? Raise standards of behavior? Nurture moral character? Encourage husbands and children to stand against evil? Write your vocational job description on a notecard and keep it by your bed or above the kitchen sink.

Create a peaceful “nest” for your family and guests. God’s Word in Isaiah 32:18 tells us, “My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.” The world is loud, selfish, rude, stressful, violent and disorderly. When your family and guests come in the door, welcome them to a different environment. A man should strive to bring order to his household, but the woman creates the “nest”. A mom doesn’t have to be a “super woman”, but she can keep her home clean, hospitable, peaceful, and Spirit-filled. Little things can help, such as: the music of teachable hymns, a scented candle, the table set and ready to receive the family, the Cross of Christ the Savior somewhere visible, personal composure, carefully spoken words, the practice of kindness, respect for “house rules”, limited TV and computer time, establishment of family traditions, and intentionally scheduled family time.

Invite your pastor to bless your home. Ask a few Christian friends to join you, your family and pastor for a “house blessing”. Join in prayer and God’s Word. Invite the Holy Spirit to live in your home and to fill it with truth, compassion, and faithfulness. Pray that God’s holy angels stand guard and resist evil.

Start a Titus 2 mother’s group. Be sure to include younger and older women. It is easy for young women to think that motherhood is different today than in the past. While it is true that work outside the home and modern trends may contrast the way “things used to be”, children themselves have not changed. They require discipline, boundaries, and the mentoring of agape love in order to grow in faith and face the challenges of a sin-filled world.

Incorporate Titus 2 mentoring into scrapbooking. While hands are busy preserving memories of children and families, resist idle gossip and, instead, keep conversations focused on all things good, right, positive and hopeful. Before you meet, invite everyone to read, for example, Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (Amazon) or Where’s Mom? (The High Calling of Wife and Mother in Biblical Perspective) by Dorothy Patterson (CBMW). Discuss the concepts of the books while working. Consider the resources found at Titus 2 for Life.

Encourage the single moms in your congregation and community. One suggestion is to order copies of Not Alone, a devotional booklet I wrote for single moms (#LFL901B—$2, Concordia Publishing House). Deliver one tied to a small flower bouquet or tucked in with a freezer-ready meal that you’ve prepared for her convenience.

Offer comfort to women who have lost a child to miscarriage or stillbirth. Sometimes, words of comfort and compassion fail us. I wrote Into His Loving Care after a pastor asked me if I would compose a devotional for parents who mourn the loss of their child to miscarriage or stillbirth (#LFL902 – $2, Concordia Publishing House). I admit to being surprised by the response. Often, when traveling the country, someone will approach me to explain that they received a copy from a friend or family member. “God’s Word comforted me,” said one mom, “even as I was reminded to entrust my child into the Savior’s loving care.”

Evaluate what comes into your home. Do the websites you view and the magazines and movies you bring into your home encourage or discourage the vocation of motherhood? From where does your help come? “See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ” (Colossians 2:8).

Next? #7: Mentor in the Midst of Opposition

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats.

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Ezer’s Handbook #5: Mentor Self-Control

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged anticipation, contentment, desires, emotions, happiness, heart, hope, patience, vulnerability of women on April 12, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Let’s keep rolling with opportunity #5…

#5 — MENTOR SELF-CONTROL
The grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us . . . to purify for Himself a people . . . who are zealous for good works (Titus 2:12-13).

Take a step toward happiness by learning to control your nature. In a fallen world, men and women must daily fight our natural tendency to sin. Parents in civilized societies have always known the wisdom of helping boys suppress two of their natural tendencies: strong sexual desires and a predilection to aggression or even violence. Likewise, parents in civilized societies have understood the wisdom of helping girls suppress their natural tendency to be ruled by emotions. Why is a woman who lives by her feelings and emotions less likely to be happy or content? What is the effect on others when a woman lets her emotions dictate her behavior? Visit Titus 2 for Life.

Resist following your heart. Ponder the following statements: “When it’s time to make a decision, I’ll trust my heart.” “He told me he loved me. The moment felt so right and my heart said ‘yes’”. “Some people say he’s not right for me, but I’m following my heart.” Can we trust our heart? What does God say in Genesis 8:21; Jeremiah 17:9; and Matthew 15:19? How can we help younger women train their hearts and minds? See Psalm 119:41-48; Proverbs 16:20; and Matthew 22:37.

Stay in training and run the race. St. Paul encourages believers to “run the race”, not “aimlessly” but with self-control (1 Corinthians 9:25-27). The world convinces women that we have the right to dress, speak, or act however we please. At what point do our “rights” hinder others? Can our lack of self-control put the faith of others at risk? A pastor’s wife used the ten-lesson Bible study I wrote entitled Dressing for Life: Secrets of the Great Cover-up with her volley-ball team at Christian camp (#LFLDFL, downloadable PDF from Concordia Publishing House). Her goal was to help the girls “exercise self-control in all things”, including their dress and behavior, so that they could be of help and not hindrance to young men who are also trying to “run the race” of faithfulness. Another resource for moms to use with daughters is Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre (Amazon).

Prepare young women to practice self-control with the goal of guarding their body, mind and soul. Mothers of daughters will find a great deal of biological wisdom in the book Unprotected by Miriam Grossman, M.D. (Amazon). As a campus psychiatrist at UCLA, Dr. Grossman treated some 2000 young women whose physical and emotional lives were impacted by sexually-transmitted infections, depression, abortion, and fertility issues. Fed up by the feminist ideology that insists that women are the same as men, Dr. Grossman left her position to tell the world why a woman’s body is more vulnerable and how to avoid physical, psychological and spiritual harm caused by unnecessary behavior. Purchase copies of the book for your local pregnancy resource center and young women in high school and college.

Be faithful in times of waiting. It’s not easy to wait for something wonderful. Too often, times of waiting stretch out for months and even years. While we wait, we can choose to be foolish or wise. A foolish woman anticipates good things but is not prepared to wait and does not have extra oil for her lamp (Matthew 25:1-13). A wise woman anticipates good things to come by keeping her lamp of faith burning brightly. When the waiting gets long, she doesn’t need to fear darkness and despair because her hope is sustained by the means of grace, namely God’s Word and Holy Communion. She remembers her Baptism and trusts her identity as a daughter of God in Christ Jesus. Filled with the Holy Spirit, she lives for Him rather than herself. Why do you think that “patience” and “self-control” are fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? While a young woman anticipates something wonderful in her life—most especially Jesus’ second coming—how might an older woman help her bear “good fruit” in her attitude, work habits and love for her neighbor? Does your congregational family intentionally mentor from one generation to the next?

What’s Next? #6: Mentor the Vocation of Motherhood

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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Ezer’s Handbook #4: Mentor a Changed Attitude

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged choices, clothing styles, help for men, holiness, Holy Spirit, its all about me, Jesus Christ, mentoring, modesty, romance novels, self-esteem, sensuality on March 14, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Welcome back! Are you ready to…

#4 — Mentor a Changed Attitude

For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord (2 Corinthians 4:5).

Reflect Christ, not self. It is natural to default to self. We too easily focus on our needs and defend our behaviors. But it’s not about me! It’s about God our Creator and Redeemer! It’s not about first loving “me”; it’s about first loving God. Loving God first means that we will more easily love and serve others in His name and with His forgiveness, mercy and kindness. God created the first man and woman in His image. We have fallen from that perfect image, but because of what Jesus Christ has done for us, it is possible with the help of the Holy Spirit to reflect more of God and less of self. In what ways can we point people to God and less to ourselves? How does a woman who professes to worship God speak? Dress? Treat others? What kind of choices does she make? What does it mean to be free of the life that we thought would make us happy and to, instead, live life in a way that leads others to Christ?

Be a Vessel for Honorable Use. God’s Word tells us, “Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work” (2 Timothy 2:21). What is our house? Who is the “master of the house”? What is our “good work”? What more do we learn about ourselves in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20? What a difference it makes when we see ourselves as God sees us! Recognizing that our Baptism makes us daughters of God through Christ, we can “flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness” (2:22).

Practice a Changed Attitude. On brightly colored sticky notes, write: “It’s not about me”. Place this reminder on a mirror, in a wallet, by the sink, on the refrigerator, in the car, and inside the cover of a well-worn Bible. Jesus promised that He would send “another Helper” (John 14:16). That “Helper”, the Holy Spirit, “will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you” (14:26). That “Helper” is “the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me. And you also will bear witness” (15:26-27). When we believe that Jesus is Truth, how will our attitude and witness change?

Adjust Focus. Instead of fantasizing through the pages of romance novels (which, if played out in real life, should make us blush) or searching for our inner selves through “spiritual masters”, we can find our true identity and rightful behavior in Jesus Christ. Rather than being tempted by the ideas of others or our own passions, we can turn our eyes away from “irreverent, silly myths” and, instead, “train [ourselves] for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” (1 Timothy 4:7-8). Training in godliness begins at the foot of the Cross where, at the beginning and end of every day, we can leave our baggage of sin, disappointments, and wrong perspective. There, at the Cross, we can focus on Jesus who says, “I am the Way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6).

Live a Holy, Not Sexy Life. God calls us to be holy (1 Thessalonians 4:7; 1 Peter 1:14-16). We can mentor others away from the self-focus of sensual dress by explaining our responsibility to help men avoid temptation. A suggested Bible study for girls ages 13 and up is Dressing for Life: Secrets of the Great Cover-up (#LFLDFL) available from CPH.

Resist the Idolatry of Self-Worship. Analyze words and phrases such as “self-worth”, “self-promotion”, “celebration of self”, and “self-esteem”. In the last days, writes St. Paul to Timothy, people will be lovers of self (2 Timothy 3:2). Spend a day with an “older” Christian woman whose life appears self-less. Ask: Is it necessary to preserve self? From where do we get our worth? Is there benefit in promoting self? Is there any reason to celebrate self? What do we learn from Christ? To “put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires” and to “be renewed in the spirit of your minds” and to “put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:21-24).

Rebel Against the Culture. Help a younger generation turn from “me” to others. Gather a small group of women together for an “It’s Not About Me” night. Forget the pedicures and pampering. Instead, discuss what women can do to bring out the best in men by way of dress, speech and behavior. List the ways that women can help one another practice biblical womanhood and not be shamed in doing so. Design postcards that proclaim “It’s Not About Me” with 2 Corinthians 4:5 printed on each card. Finish off with stamping, calligraphy or artwork. Be of service through accountability by sending the cards to one another throughout the year.

What’s Next? #5: Mentor Self-Control

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats.

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Ezer’s Handbook #3: Mentor Biblical Womanhood

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged discipline, Eve, friendship of women, justice, mentoring, mercy, mom's group, motherhood, Proverbs 31 woman, Word of the Lord on March 13, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Let’s continue with opportunity #3 —

#3 — MENTOR BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD

A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30b).

Fear and Love the Lord. Martin Luther begins each of the meanings for the Ten Commandments with: “We should fear and love God . . . .” In a sinful world, “fear” and “love” hardly seem to fit together. But the Heavenly Father can be both feared (for His justice) and loved (for His mercy). How does this give freedom to modern women?

Reject the Deception of the World. The Christian woman is often reminded of the Proverbs 31 woman. But do we know why she was praised? Church Father St. Bernard of Clairvaux draws us away from the idea that this woman was praised for her spectacular work. He wrote, “You have been able to reject the deceitful glory of the world . . . you deserve to be praised for not being deceived.” (The Lutheran Study Bible ESV, Commentary on Proverbs 31:30-31, page 1047.) How was the first woman, Eve, deceived? Why did Satan approach her rather than the man? What is the deceitful glory of the world? How do we resist it? How do we help others resist it?

Discern Personal Mentors. Whose counsel and advice do we seek? Do we surround ourselves with women in the same situation and circumstance as our own or do we glean wisdom from “older” women who have matured in the face of challenge? What kind of reading material is on our coffee table or by our bedside? Have we been influenced by human opinions and fickle emotion… or the Word of the Lord who calls Himself “the Alpha and Omega”?

Resist the Temptation to Divide Generations. Bring older and younger women together in Titus 2-style groups. Suggested resources include Titus 2 for Life, Dressing for Life: Secrets of the Great Cover-up (a ten-lesson reproducible Bible study on modesty and clothing available from CPH [#LFLDFL]), Men, Women and Relationships: Building a Culture of Life Across Generations (a 12-lesson Bible study with leader’s guide from CPH [#LFL901BS]), The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre, and Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. We can encourage and be encouraged by building relationships across generations.

Take Care Not to Burn Bridges. Sometimes, the relationship of two women can suffer because of a difference in thought or behavior. Even so, the Holy Spirit may keep that person close to the heart. Perhaps we will be nudged to send a simple “thinking of you” card or a gift on her birthday. We do well in not resisting opportunities to reach out. For example, years after a Christian woman had an abortion followed by a divorce, she wrote her friend, “Thank you for keeping the communication open and not burning any bridges. You have not abandoned me.” That friendship was restored in greater measure. How do such invaluable lessons encourage others?

Send a card. This may be the age of e-mail, texting and Facebook, but none of these replace a personal phone call, handwritten note or card. We all like to be remembered, don’t we? It is not uncommon to send a card and then have the recipient, sometime later, ask, “How did you know that I needed encouragement that day?” If we can’t find the right message or can’t afford a pricey card, we can write a favorite Bible passage on a note and tuck it in an envelope with a tea bag or pre-packaged coffee pouch.

Start a Mother’s Group. Include “older” and “younger” moms. In a mobile society, young moms are often miles away from their mothers and grandmothers. They are in need of older women who can mentor self-control, purity, homemaking, kindness, and why submission to husbands is obedience to God (Titus 2:5). Offer opportunity to learn from faithful biblical practice in the home, but also mistakes made and lessons learned. Experienced moms can point to the discipline of God’s Law and offer the forgiveness and life-changing hope of the Gospel. Even in a changed culture, God’s Word for women provides all we need to persevere in the vocation of motherhood. Can you count the ways that godly motherhood influences children and impacts society?

What’s Next? #4: Mentor a Changed Attitude

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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Ezer’s Handbook #2: Mentor Confidence in the Created Order

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged baptism, did God really say?, doubt, God's Word, good steward, helper, holiness, holy ones, Holy Spirit, identity, marriage, sexuality, singleness, submission, truth on March 13, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Ready for a second opportunity? Here’s #2 from Ezer’s Handbook —

#2 — MENTOR CONFIDENCE IN THE CREATED ORDER

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Find Hope in the Order of God’s Creation. Woman was not created at the same time, in the same way, or for the same purpose as man (Genesis 2:7, 15-22). But many women perceive the role of “helper” (2:18) as being inferior or second-best. Encourage younger and older women in your circle of relationships to read John 14:16, 26; 15:26; 16:7-8. Who is “the Helper” of whom Jesus speaks? “Helper” in Greek is parakletos which means “comforter” or “advocate”. “Helper” might also mean “encourager” or “ally”. The question for women is: how will we choose to help or encourage? Submission is another troublesome word for us as women, but a biblical perspective helps bring understanding. God uses the order of His very nature—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—to bring hope to a sinful people. The Trinity is equal, but with different and definitive roles. Jesus Christ is God, yet He submitted Himself to the Father for the sake of our salvation. To bring order out of chaos, God uses the headship of husband and father in marriage and family for the benefit and well-being of children and society. God uses the submission of the Son, Jesus Christ, to save His Bride, the Church, and serve with humility. What begins to change when we understand “helper” and “submission” in light of God’s Word rather than our own opinion?

Trust the identity bestowed in Baptism. A woman’s identity is not dependent on a man’s love, her appearance or what she does. God does not define a woman as “sexual,” but as “holy”. In Baptism, a woman becomes a daughter of God in Jesus Christ. Yes, she is still a sinner, but now God sees her covered in Jesus’ robe of righteousness. From a biblical perspective, the word “holy” means “set apart by God”. “Holy” is the opposite of common. Something common can be used by anyone, but a holy woman is used by God for good and holy purpose. In light of her Baptism, how can a woman view herself? How does true identity affect our choices and behavior?

Believe That Male and Female Are More Than Sexual. Too often, we skip from Genesis 1:27 to Genesis 2:24. In doing so, we miss something very important about the complementary purpose and vocation of male and female. Before God brought Adam and Eve together as “one flesh” in His institution of marriage, He called man to be a steward of all that He had made, to remember God’s Word, and to choose life. God called woman to help man in the stewardship of all creation and help him remember God’s Word and choose life. Do men and women have to be married in order to serve God in these ways? Although it has become commonplace during the last 50 years for men and women to be identified as “sexual beings,” we are more than that to God. While it is true that God designed male and female in the faithfulness of marriage to procreate, it is just as true that unmarried men and women are “holy” in Christ Jesus and can work together as caretakers of God’s world and be people of His Word and advocates of human life. We are not defined by our sexuality—in this life or the next—but by our holiness. What do Jesus’ words about marriage in Matthew 22:30 tell us about our “sexual” identity? To help yourself and others better understand true identity as male and female, google The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity (publication release: May 2014 by Linda Bartlett). We can help others understand that no matter our age, health or circumstance in life, every male and female has unquestionable identity and purpose as “holy ones”.

Stand Guard Against the Enemy of Life. Satan despises God’s order of creation because he wants us to live in chaos. His one question, “Did God really say . . .,” was all it took for Eve to doubt God’s Word for her life (Genesis 3:1). In doubt, Eve loosened her grip on the Sword of Truth. Did she believe that she was the privileged recipient of some new knowledge that God was keeping from her? Do you see how quickly she not only spoke for God but inserted words God never spoke (compare Genesis 3:2-3 with 2:16-17)? Nothing has changed. Satan continues to stir up doubt by asking women the same question. “Did God really say . . .?” Like Eve, do we respond by speaking what God does not about sexuality, marriage, abortion, headship and women’s ordination? Do we try to establish our own standard of right and wrong? Challenge yourself to help younger women fear, love and trust God above all things. Help them to recognize what is counterfeit and of Satan by knowing Jesus Christ, the Word of Truth (John 1:1-5, 14).

What’s next? #3: Mentor Biblical Womanhood

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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Ezer’s Handbook #1: Mentor From a House Build on Firm Foundation

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged abortion, Christianity, church and community, divorce, feminism, God's Word, grandmothers, Jesus Christ, mentoring, motherhood, story-telling, the home, Titus 2 for Life, truth on March 9, 2014| 1 Comment »

God created woman to be a helper (Hebrew: ezer). God knew man would not be complete without woman to help him remember and trust God’s Word, be a good steward of all that God has made, and build a culture of life.

In a fallen world, however, woman is challenged by Satan, sin and her own doubting nature. But there is hope in Jesus Christ! And, because of Jesus Christ, there are countless opportunities for each ezerwoman to make a positive difference in her home, church and community. Where can ezerwoman begin? By making use of a resource I call Ezer’s Handbook. Let’s begin with opportunity #1 —

#1 — MENTOR FROM A HOUSE BUILT ON FIRM FOUNDATION

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down (Proverbs 14:1).

Build on The Word. The Word is Wisdom. It is unchanging Truth. The Word provides everything a man or woman needs for living in today’s world, meeting today’s challenges, and mentoring generations. Paraphrased Bibles are fine for personal reading, but don’t count on them for accuracy. Highly recommended is The Lutheran Study Bible (ESV). The commentaries offer historical and archeological evidence as well as Greek and Hebrew origins of words.

Prepare for the Battle of Worldviews on Sex and Sexuality. Begin with the Bible study Men, Women and Relationships: Building a Culture of Life Across Generations. This twelve-lesson study is appropriate for men and women who are single or married. Although the world tells us that men and women are the same, no different from one another and both just “sexual beings from birth”, God tells us we are far more than that. (This Bible study with leader’s guide may be ordered from Concordia Publishing House #LFL901BS or by calling 888-364-LIFE.)

Be Equipped with Resources. Married or single, a woman has a sphere of influence that leads others to–or away from–God. How are you mentoring biblical womanhood in your home? From your office? At school? In the your church and community? You will find resources for mentoring biblical womanhood at Titus 2 for Life and The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

Be Careful Who You Let Shape Your Worldview. Ideas of sex, sexuality, love, relationships, marriage, motherhood, morality, clothing, behavior and life in general are mentored in one way or another by every newspaper, magazine, website, TV commercial or self-help book. As a follower of Christ, it is our responsibility to be discerning. WORLD and CITIZEN are publications that offer a biblical perspective in contrast to Newsweek and Time. Websites with current information offered from a biblical worldview rather than humanist perspective include Parental Rights, Answers In Genesis, LifeNews, the Family Research Council, MercatorNet, and Concerned Women for America.

Use Spiritual Discernment. A Titus 2 mentor reaches out with the Truth of God, both Law and Gospel. We are called, however, to be discerning in the proper use of each. The woman who doesn’t recognize her sin is in need of the Law, but the woman who has been convicted of her sin longs for the Gospel (Psalm 32:3-5). A suggested book that will help you better distinguish Law and Gospel — as well as the time and place for both — is Handling the Word of Truth by John T. Pless.

Mentor, Don’t Preach. The woman who builds her house on firm foundation must be prepared for “hot button” issues that stir memories and emotions. In our circle of relationships are women who have been mentored by someone with a humanist or feminist perspective. Among us are women who have been wounded by a past abortion, divorce, or physical or mental abuse. Jesus never compromised the truth nor did He break an already bruised reed. May we, too, speak truth with a gentle love for souls. One very effective way to mentor without preaching is story-telling. No one can deny the lessons learned from a person’s real-life experience.

What’s next? #2: Mentor Confidence in the Created Order.

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed
by Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats.

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Parental Pondering of Purity, Mystery and Modesty

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged abortion, abstinence, agape love, children, chivalry, clothing, family, fathers, forgiveness, Genesis, life choices, marriage, morality, mothers, prolife, sexuality, virtue on January 30, 2014| Leave a Comment »

God entrusts children to parents.

Parents are called by God to guard the innocence of childhood. This is a serious challenge in today’s society. From early on, boys and girls are surrounded by the visual images and messages of a highly sexualized culture. The Christian parent may feel overwhelmed by their role. But parents today—as always—are equipped for the job. The Word of God is sufficient. The Bible provides all that is needed to help boys and girls respect themselves and others, understand why male and female are not the same but complementarily different, resist temptation, and protect human life from the moment of conception. When sin and failure occur, the Bible points the way to forgiveness and hope in Jesus Christ.

One topic that perhaps most intimidates and even confuses parents is sex and sexuality. Sex education sounds like a good idea, especially if it is taught in a Christian environment; however, the origin of sex education is not biblical. It is founded on a humanistic and secular theory.

A zoologist and follower of Charles Darwin by the name of Alfred Kinsey concluded that children are “sexual from birth” and can enjoy and benefit from early sexual activity. He believed that society should reflect his “science” by altering its moral codes. Thirty years of study by researchers such as Judith A. Reisman, PhD., prove that Kinsey’s research was built on sexual experiments by known pedophiles on children ages five-months to 14 years. The research was both fraudulous and criminal; nevertheless, it accomplished what it intended. By the 1960s, Kinsey and his followers were recognized as the “experts” on matters of “sexuality.” Kinsey associates and students opened the doors of SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S.) and partnered with Planned Parenthood to aggressively make their way into schools and churches. Pro-homosexual and pedophilia groups were emboldened. Over the next fifty years, moral codes based largely on the biblical worldview were dangerously compromised. Never before had anyone considered a child to be “sexual” in the way that Kinsey meant, but today children are sexualized not only by the media but in sex education, health or “family living” classrooms. The innocence of children is stripped away in classrooms where boys and girls together learn about their bodies, what their parents do in the bedroom and what it means to live a “sexual” life.

God Calls Us to Holy Living.

God does not call His children to be “sexual.” He calls His children—of all ages— to be holy. Therefore, the Bible does not educate in sex, but instructs in purity.

Purity is not prudish. It is prudent. Purity is not Victorian and antiquated. It is God’s plan for children and adults whether married or single.

Purity focuses on our identity as redeemed sons and daughters of God in Christ Jesus. God says, “Be holy for I am holy” (1 Peter 1:16). We are “vessel[s] for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:21). Daily remembering our Baptism, we see ourselves not as “sexual beings” captive to instinct and desires, but as heirs of the promise and clothed with the righteousness of Christ (Galatians 3:27-29).

Purity is about more than abstinence. Abstinence says, “No, I can’t be sexually intimate right now.” But purity says, “Yes, I can be the male or female God created me to be right now.” Instruction in purity begins with an explanation of biblical manhood and womanhood. It draws attention to the many ways that male and female, of any age and married or single, can work, worship and serve together without a hint of sensuality.

Purity is about God’s design and order for life. It is also about mystery and modesty. God’s Word says, “Do not awaken love or arouse love before its proper time” (Song of Songs 3:5b). This is why purity must be nurtured in a special garden tucked safely behind a protective fence. That fence is the boundary of home. God entrusts the training of children to their parents. Children trust parents. The Church supports parents by equipping them with God’s Word of Law and Gospel, the catechism, and models for instruction.

Purity is nurtured in an environment where modesty is preserved. This is not a classroom where boys and girls together learn about sex or sexuality. It is nearly impossible to train in purity when intimate topics are discussed between boys and girls in a common and casual manner. Why? Because holy people and the behavior God expects from them are not common but, rather, uncommon.

Modesty emphasizes the importance of the sexual organs (which God placed out of view and behind hair, 1 Corinthians 12:23) reserved for the special and honorable use within marriage. Rather than trying to remove embarrassment (a natural protection from God in a sinful world), adults should do everything they can to maintain modesty. A father can best explain to his daughter that there is mystery in more clothing rather than less, and that a girl’s behavior can raise—or lower—a boy’s standard of thinking and behavior. A father can encourage his son to guard a woman’s virtue and lead him away from the “temptress” (Proverbs 7).

Purity grows from the truth of Genesis. The first man and woman were created in a complementary but different way, each with a unique and vital role. Purity understands that a man is a good steward (Genesis 2:15) and defender of life (Genesis 16-17) who takes a stand against evil. The man is to lead, not as lord and master, but as one who goes first to make sure the path is safe. Purity understands that a woman, as a “helper” (Genesis 2:18) and a “rib” or “pillar” (Psalm 144:12b), is strong and supportive, yet vulnerable to abuse. Purity understands that a woman, as the bearer of life, has the most at stake; therefore, it places her within protective, yet pleasant boundaries.

These boundaries are drawn by God to respect the physical and psychological differences between male and female. Woe to those who attempt to erase these boundaries by pretending that boys and girls are “the same”. Woe to the adults who remove the protective covering of modesty and desensitize children. Woe to the adults who dangle the carrot of joyful marital union in front of children but then tell them to “wait” for marriage after graduating college and securing a job.

God Gives a Model to Parents.

God has given all parents and grandparents a model for the instruction of purity in Titus 2:3-8. Older men are to mentor younger men by being examples of sobriety, dignity, self-control, sound faith, agape love, and steadfastness. In addition, older men are to model the sacrificial love of Jesus (Ephesians 5:25). This love is shown today by men who defend the honor of women, rescue children from abortion, and guard the door of homes. For a young man, it means treating all girls as he wants his sister, mother, grandmother, and someday-wife to be treated.

Older women are to mentor younger women by being examples of goodness, self-control, purity, homemaking, kindness, and respectfulness for God’s orderly design in marriage. In addition, older women can contrast the “temptress” with the holy woman who calls attention not to self but God (1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:3-4).

If there is no father present or involved, mothers can point both sons and daughters to their Heavenly Father who is very present and involved in the lives of His children. Timothy was raised to purity of faith and behavior by his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5).

Parents can be confident in raising sons and daughters to a life of purity. They need not be intimidated by the world—or by their own past. Sins that have been confessed to God are forgiven and forgotten. Parents can show children the way to the Cross every time a wrong choice is made. Parents, with the help of the Holy Spirit, can help sons and daughters resist the temptations of a self-focused and sensual world.

It is an awesome thing to know that the God who calls us to holiness also saves us when we are not. Even when all seems lost to sinful people, we can reclaim our purity in Jesus.

Jesus Christ came to live among us. He experienced human emotions and feelings. He knows our weakness. But for our own sakes, He calls us to lives of purity. Purity does not seek its own way. It models biblical manhood and womanhood. It raises standards for behavior and encourages self-control. Purity guards body, mind and soul. It lays a foundation for friendship, marriage and family.

Purity anticipates a future of hope.

(Available in brochure format #LFL903T from http://www.cph.org)

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