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Posts Tagged ‘education’

Who Is the Bully?

Posted in Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 1, 2014| Leave a Comment »

students walking to schoolThere is a lot of concern today about bullying.  I remember being bullied when I was in elementary and middle school.  Most of my friends were bullied in one way or another, too.

But bullying has become a political buzzword used by people with a view of children, marriage, family, education, law, and society that opposes God.

In Minnesota, pastors are rallying to speak against a potential “anti-bullying” bill currently under consideration. A close friend of mine is part of this group of men who not only stand upon the wall but, after sounding the alarm, come down to enter the fray.  My friend is a former missionary to Brazil.  He recognizes spiritual warfare.  He serves today as a missionary to former Soviet-occupied countries in Eastern Europe and Russia.  He is aware of manipulative tactics.  My friend knows how societies can collapse upon themselves when evil is not resisted.

What follows is a portion of the letter being sent to pastors in Minnesota.  Would you please take a moment to read it?  I know it matters to me.  Why?  Because my younger son and daughter live in Minnesota with their young family.  Because many young friends of mine have children in the Minnesota public schools.  And because the state now facing an “anti-bullying” law is neither the first nor the last.  Here’s the letter:

We are accustomed to a culture that has historically supported morality and ethics that have flowed out of our Judeo-Christian heritage.  As we are painfully aware these values are crumbling fast. Perhaps out of some discomfort or habit or fear of upsetting some of our members we have remained silent regarding these issues.  Our silence is now being construed as condoning these issues and of having our young students indoctrinated with yet another destructive immorality.

On the morning of January 30, 2014, a group of pastors will gather to become more educated about the “anti-bullying” bill that will come before our legislators in February of 2014. This educational opportunity is designed for our clergy to get first hand knowledge about a proposed law that will directly and profoundly affect our church members as well as our teachers and administrators in both public and private schools.

Many of us were bullied when we were in grade school, middle school and high school. It really didn’t matter if you were tall or short, fat or skinny. Whether you did or did not wear glasses or braces it really didn’t matter. If you were shy or nerdy, pimple faced or buck teethed you were a target for the bully. Most everyone growing up, for one of these reasons or another, was occasionally harassed, intimidated and in other words bullied.

Today, the word bully is the newest political buzzword. Daily, our teachers and school administrators are bombarded with a barrage of a variety of bulling accusations. A new “anti-bullying” bill has already been written and will most likely be brought before our legislators in February of 2014. However, this bill is NOT about stopping bullying. In this legislation it intentionally excludes traditional bullying and only protects those students who are LGBT (an initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender). This proposed “anti-bullying” legislation does little to address the universal problem of bullying. Rather, it is disguised as a protection for your child but in reality is just more pressure from the homosexual community pushing their agenda on our culture. You can go to this website and watch a video that will help you better understand what this bill is really about. http://mnchildprotectionleague.com/activist-central/

I have seen the pictures and held the book, It’s Perfectly Normal, by Robbie H. Harris and Michael Emberley, proposed as a part of a curriculum for K-12. You can find it on amazon.com. It has cartoon pictures of grade school children masturbating, naked pictures of young boys and girls, a couple having sex. Why should a 3rd grade boy or girl be exposed to this pornographic material? A pastor would be dismissed if this material were found on his computer.  Yet, Governor Mark Dayton has already agreed to sign House File 826 (HF 826), the proposed “anti-bullying” legislation. Why? Could it be that his real intention is to redefine bullying and to “transform” our educational system? 

Minnesota law already requires schools to implement anti-bullying policies and we have several laws in place to protect every child in our schools. Teachers do not need    another law to follow. Our teachers already have enough to do in the classroom. This bill will only serve to handcuff teachers more and to pit our parents and students against our teachers. What’s more frightening is that this is all done in secret as the parents are not to be informed when their child has been pulled out of the classroom and disciplined for bulling another student. Can this really be true? Yes. I read the proposed bill and that is exactly what it says.

I’m not a citizen of Minnesota.  I suppose I could say that what happens in Minnesota stays in Minnesota.  But I know better, don’t you?

So, I am speaking up… not against people but against ungodly ideas.  Followers of Christ are not called to change the world, but we are called to resist evil and choose life.  The impact is generational.

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Want to Make a Difference? View Children the Way God Does

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2013| 2 Comments »

teenagersI will never forget the mom and professional church worker who told me she hoped her sons and daughters would practice safe sex.   We were serving together on a life task force and, during lunch break, she confided, “I raised them to be chaste . . . I want them to wait for marriage.  But, once they started college, I encouraged them to use protection because, after all, they’re sexual, too, and I’m scared to death they’re going to be like everyone else.”

I remember the grandma who toured our local pregnancy center.  She thought the best thing parents could do for their daughters was to get them on The Pill so they wouldn’t need a pregnancy test.

Then there was the single father who raised his daughter to believe in Jesus, but made sure she had the Gardasil shot and was using birth control.  “I know what I was like at her age and I know she’s just going to sleep around so I have to look out for her.”

And there was the pastor who told me that he’s taken some girls from his congregation for abortions because “their parents wouldn’t be supportive of an unplanned pregnancy.”  These girls are “just going to do it,” he explained.  “They can’t help it . . . so I need to be there for them.”

Can’t help it?  What does this say about the way adults view children?

Children are sinful human beings born into a love-to-sin-world.  Do we say, “My child is a sinner.  It’s just who he is, so I’m going to help him lie, cheat, and steal with the least amount of damage.”  Is this how God sees children?  Is this how He helps them?

When we don’t see children the way God does, then our mentoring role in their lives is compromised.

Yes, children are sinful… just like their parents and grandparents.  But baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, God sees us as His adopted sons and daughters in Christ.  Jesus won for God’s children the privilege of becoming heirs of the heavenly kingdom.  This not only bestows value but defines purpose.

Identity matters!  Our sons and daughters are not “sexual from birth” as Planned Parenthood sees them.  They are not captive to instincts and desires.  They are persons created more in the image of God than the image of wolves and rabbits.     To see children as God does is to realize they are more than flesh and blood but spirit and, because they are spirit, every choice they make will take them either closer to — or farther from — God.

It is the children who suffer when we fail to see them as God does.  Expectations for their purpose and behavior are lowered.  Their future appears grim.

Identity matters.  And, because it does, my grandchildren need me to remind them of what happened at the baptismal font.  Their baptism “is an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to Him” (1 Peter 3:21-22).  I can literally tell my grandchildren that their Lord and Savior rules!  This means that someday, when they are teenagers, they won’t have to be subject to raging hormones or made foolish by lack of judgment.  In remembering who they are, they will know the source of their wisdom and strength.  This will affect their choices and behavior.  But that’s not all.

When boys and girls see themselves the way God does, the way they view each other will improve.   Relationships will take on new meaning.  Think about it.  If boys see themselves in light of their baptism as sons of God and girls see themselves as daughters of God, then all baptized people become brothers and sisters in Christ.

Can you imagine?  I mean, really!   Can you imagine the impact this would have on high school and college campuses… at the beach… in the workplace… around the neighborhood… and for society as a whole?

I can.  And it renews my hope.

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President, Pentagon & Schools

Posted in Citizenship, Culture Shifts, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged , , , , , on July 11, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Mr. President, isn’t it your duty to do all you do in the best interests of the future of this country?  Aren’t children the greatest natural resource this country has?

Pentagon officials, isn’t it your duty to guard the citizens of this country from those who would bring harm to us?

School administrators, isn’t it your duty to respect the role of parents and instruct their children in ways that will build a vibrant and thriving society?

Then, why o why, do you celebrate gay pride?

There can be no pride in any behavior that endangers health, marriage, home and family, the nation’s security, or the lives of children — America’s greatest natural resource.

There can be no pride in immoral gay behavior any more than there can be pride in immoral heterosexual behavior.

In what way does “it’s my right,” “I’ll do as I please,” “I just have to be who I am” behavior help develop sound character in children?

Are those who insist on teaching “tolerance” for homosexual – or heterosexual – behavior to children K-12 interested in guarding the innocence and well-being of this nation’s sons and daughters?  Or are they more interested in some other agenda?

Mr. President, you have celebrated “gay pride.”  You see it as an expression of diversity.  At what price?

Pentagon officials, you have celebrated “gay pride.”  You see it as, well, I’m not sure how you see it.  I don’t know how messing around with issues of “sexuality” makes for a stronger national defense.

School officials, you have opened the door to ideologies and agendas that have nothing to do with nurturing stronger minds, healthier bodies, and hopeful futures.

It isn’t too late to apologize… and do better for the sake of the children.

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Once We See, It is Difficult Not to See

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, tagged , , , , on January 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Why do we too often go along with the crowd, even when we know it’s wrong?  Instead of voicing what we know to be true, we remain silent when we should speak up.  Is it because we’re afraid of being different?  Ridiculed? Ill-equipped to defend the truth?

Polls reveal that the majority of people don’t like abortion, but let it be a “private matter.”  Biology proves that human life begins at conception, but the majority of people resist asking the questions that help make other people think.  A national silence has denied over 53 million babies the right to life and left their mothers in denial, depression, shame, unhealthy lifestyles, and grief.

Once we have seen, however, it is difficult to un-see. Abby Johnson’s conscience wouldn’t let her deny the facts any longer. As the director of a Planned Parenthood (PP) clinic in Texas, she had seen too much. Her book, Un-Planned speaks to everyone willing to hear.  Abby is not alone.  Sue Thayer managed a PP clinic in Storm Lake, IA., about two hours from where I live, until 2008.  Her clinic was scheduled to start doing telemed abortions.  Sue voiced her concern even though, as a single parent, she was uneasy with the possibility of losing her job and the benefits and health insurance that came with it.  Sue couldn’t be silent.  So she was fired.

Sue became a PP center manager in 1991.  It was required that she and staff observe at least one day of surgical abortions.  She did just that at the Central PP Clinic in Des Moines.  During that eight hour day, the doctor performed about 30 abortions.  Some of the women were further along in their pregnancies than they had reported.  “Contents of the uterus” were placed in glass bowls, then examined under a light.  Sue explained, “One bowl clearly contained three perfect, tiny arms.  I asked why there would be a third arm.  ‘Twins’ was the response and because it might upset the mother, this information wasn’t shared.”

Sue set about trying to prevent the need for abortion during her next 17 years at PP in Storm Lake.  But, in 2008, PP of Greater Iowa announced that all PPGI clinics would be offering telemed abortions.  Sue said, “A doctor in Des Moines would be connected via webcam with a patient at any one of the PPGI’s 17 centers.  According to PPGI, this constituted a doctor’s visit.  After speaking briefly via webcam, the doctor would push a button in the Des Moines office whereupon a drawer in front of the patient at the remote center would open.  Inside the drawer were two different medicines — one to kill the baby, taken immediately at the clinic, and a second one to take later at home which would cause contractions and eventually expel the dead baby.”

Sue continued. “PPGI ordered that all staff, medical and non-medical alike would be required to do vaginal ultrasounds.  I asked what qualifications were required to perform this invasive procedure and was told that ‘if you are breathing, you can do a vaginal ultrasound’ . . . I asked if they would be notifying doctors and hospitals in each community and was told that they definitely would not be sharing any information . . . PPGI wanted to establish a ‘standard of care’ with the goal of 500 to 1000 [telemed]abortions completed before any public announcement was made.”

Telemed abortions, Sue was told, would be done through 63 days from conception. “We were all familiar with using the morning after pill (“Plan B”), but this was only given up to five days after unprotected intercourse.”  Now, patients seeking abortions wouldn’t have to drive to a surgical center.  And, no waiting. Sue was told “forty five minutes, in and out.”  She remembers one PP manager commenting, “It’s about time women can get an abortion whenever and wherever they want.  It’s no different than getting a Pap smear.”

Sue was concerened about safety — for the patient, staff, and herself.  What would the complication rate be?  Would women be alone when they took the second pill at home?  Sue continued to insist that “we were all about preventing abortions.”  Now, she was being forced to be involved in every aspect of an abortion.  There were more questions for Sue.  What about the local doctors who might have to attend to women coming in with symptoms of an incomplete abortion?  Sue’s boss explained that telemed abortion patients are told that if they do have to go to the ER, not to mention the two pills they’ve taken.

But, once you have seen, it is difficult to un-see.  The new ultrasound machines, Sue explained, “were so high-tech that even little fingers and toes could be seen.  Long time surgical staffers struggled when they would see images of the baby they were about to abort . . . [yet] this amazing image of the baby is never shown to the mother.”  Sue voiced what she knew to be wrong.  She expressed serious concerns.  She was willing to be different.  To take a risk… for life. 

There are many like Abby and Sue.  Several years ago I invited Joan Appleton,  a former abortion nurse, to tell her story during a national conference.  Joan and hundreds of soul-weary and sick-at-heart men and women like her are part of the Society of Centurians.  They left the abortion industry to speak up.  Contrast right with wrong. Today, former abortion doctors and nurses, PP employees, and women who’ve had abortions are silent no more.  They know that the truth sets people free.

The Lighthouse, a caring pregnancy center that I co-founded with two other moms, is a place where we do more than speak up.  We walk with young women in times of difficulty.  Why?  Because once we see, it is difficult to un-see.   Then, it is time to help.  Shed light into darkness.  Equip with truth.  Risk being different…. for the sake of another.   

For more information on PPGI and Sue’s story, please visit Iowa Right to Life

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Where Is the Bus Taking Our Children?

Posted in Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, tagged , , , , , , on November 28, 2011| 1 Comment »

Looking for a “stocking stuffer” for Christmas?  With concern for your children or grandchildren, you might want to consider IndoctriNation.

Paul and I believed we could safely get our sons through public school.  We managed, but only with the help of teachers who respected what we taught in the home.  Even so, we battled a system that diametrically opposed our Judeo-Christian faith and values.   IndoctriNation explains why.

IndoctriNation is a ride on the yellow school bus with Scottish filmmaker Colin Gunn and his family.  It’s a ‘cross country field trip you won’t want to miss!  You’ll hear from real principals, teachers and parents.  You’ll learn from Christian historians and thinkers of our day.  And, you’ll discover the answers to important questions:

  • Who established the public school system and why?
  • Whose ideologies are on the bus?
  • Are my children morally and physically safe in the schools?
  • Are public schools religiously neutral?
  • Should Christians try to be “salt and light” in the schools?
  • Can the public school be fixed?
  • What does it really mean to speak and live our faith?

Take a ride with Colin Gunn and his family!  Then, ask yourself: Is there good reason to get my family off the bus? 

IndoctriNation, ($12 DVD)
 Gunn Productions in association with
the Exodus Mandate

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It’s A Moral Issue

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Citizenship, Faith & Practice, Life issues, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 12, 2011| 2 Comments »

“All the people care about is the economy.”

“The people aren’t interested in ‘social issues’ like abortion, homosexuality or gay marriage.”

“There they go again,” reports MSNBC and others.  “The ‘radical right’ is working abortion and marriage into the conversation.”

Rightly so.  Social issues, as they are called, are moral issues.  The legalized killing of preborn human children is a moral issue.  Re-defining marriage is a moral issue.  Teaching our children that homosexuality is just a choice on the “sexual menu” is a moral issue.

Everything has a moral component.  The government has a moral obligation to protect “life and liberty,” to maintain a strong military, and to live within its means.  It should encourage responsible, orderly behavior and a good work ethic.  It should protect families from drug cartels, terrorists, and enemies from within and without.

Anyone running for office should have moral integrity.  Moral character.  Moral and ethical fiber.  It’s not just my opinion, but God’s mandate that people who rule a nation should respect the life that He creates.  Anyone who compromises on issues such as abortion, infanticide, embryonic stem cell research, assisted suicide, and euthanasia has lost (or never had) a moral compass.

Those who seek to experiment with marriage and family float rumors.  They say that Americans don’t really care about same-sex “marriage.”  They add: If someone is against gay “marriage,” then they must be against homosexuals.  Not true.  People who believe they are homosexual are persons, too.  They are  people loved by God.  But, God is the Creator of marriage and, therefore, He alone defines it.  God created marriage for one man and one woman because it’s the best environment for children, it connects children to their biological origins, and it brings two opposites — male and female — together to mentor boys and girls in the way God intends for them to go.

Moral integrity is practiced — or not practiced — on Wall Street and in every business.  In education.  In health care.  In courts of law.  In the military.  In homes.  And during election cycles.

My eyes have seen that men and women who defend the sanctity of human life generally have a moral compass not only in place but in operation.  Leaders — in the home, community, church, and government — who value the life that God creates and redeems in Jesus Christ are imperfect leaders to be sure, but they are accountable to someone other than themselves.  Their God determines right and wrong.  Their neighbors matter.  Their choices reflect hope for a new generation.

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LGBT: Coming to a School Near You

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Citizenship, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2011| 1 Comment »

GLSEN (the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) has been awarded an annually renewable grant from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC).  This will allow GLSEN to “partner with 20 targeted school districts across the country” and to reach “14,500 school personnel and 4 million students.”

So, at taxpayer expense, homosexual activism may be coming to a school near me… or you.

How will GLSEN use the grant money (up to $285,000 per year)?  It plans to start “internal Implementation Teams” and training programs based on their Safe Space Kit.  Here’s a “quick review” offered by Candi Cushman (CitizenLink 6-23-11).  The Kit:

  • Promotes GLSEN’s controversial book list for schools
  • Encourages teachers to display homosexual-themed materials from “LGBT organizations” (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender).
  • Recommends that schools “celebrate LGBT events” and incorporate lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender themes into curriculum and school literature.  “Whenever possible,” the guide tells educators to give examples of “same-sex couples” and “LBGT parents.”
  • Gives teachers an “LGBT-Inclusive School Checklist” to see if their school has a “gender-neutral dress code” and “gender-neutral” bathrooms.

Cushman explains that GLSEN wants educators to avoid using words like “husband,” “wife,” or gender-specific pronouns in the classroom.  The Kit includes a vocabulary sheet that includes “zie” rather than “he” or “she” and “hir” rather than “him” or “her.”

Is GLSEN’s goal to render meaningless the concept of “male?”  “Female?”  Traditional marriage?  Basic English pronouns?

This doesn’t have to happen.  GLSEN doesn’t have to prevail.  Why?  Because God says that children are entrusted to their parents.  Parents have both the right and obligation to raise sons and daughters in a moral, healthy, and God-pleasing way.  The homosexual lifestyle brings nothing good.  Right.  Or true.  It is empty self-gratification.  It brings confusion.  Heartbreak.  Disease.  Hopelessness.  Separation from God.   A parent’s duty is to lead sons and daughters away from danger.  And, if a son or daughter is tempted into harm’s way, a parent is to rescue.  Love unconditionally.  Patiently re-connect to God’s Word for male and female.  Exodus International is one of several ministries helping parents do just that.

Parents, not the government, are to raise children.  The government may express controversial opinions and even fund those opinions with taxpayer money.  But, parents still have a voice.  They must use that voice.  Be a voice of reason.  Unite voices.   And, if their voice is not heard, they need to seek other school choices if possible.

Resources for parents are offered from Focus on the Family, The Family Research Council, The American Family Association, Vision Forum, and The Alliance Defense Fund.

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Science & Faith: Part II

Posted in Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2011| Leave a Comment »

In his article, “Are We Dumb and Getting Dumber?,” Regis Nicoll writes, “Distinguishing between science and faith is problematic, given that there is more than a little measure of faith in science; especially, materialistic science:

  • Faith that nature is a mechanism that can be explained by physical laws,
  • Faith that those laws are universal and unchanging,
  • Faith that our senses reliably perceive the world as it really is,
  • Faith that our minds accurately interpret those perceptions, and
  • Faith that the origin, diversity, and complexity of nature is the unguided product of chance and necessity.”  (Breakpoint – Published May 6, 2011)

Nicoll continues, “Similarly, discriminating conventional wisdom from actual wisdom is difficult-to-impossible, given their considerable overlap.  The conventional wisdom that ‘what goes up, must come down,’ is congruent with the actual wisdom of Newton’s laws.  In the same way, conventional beliefs about things like murder, cruelty and rape accord with the universal conviction of their actual immorality.”

Nicoll notes that, “Our real challenge is not discerning between such false dichotomies but discerning science from science fiction and truth from falsehood.  When a frog-turned-prince tale is dismissed as myth until the time frame is changed from a bibbidi-bobbidi-boo instant to 150 million years, it signals a discernment deficit.  When the time frame is extended to a few billion years to spin a neutrino-turned-prince tale, it signals a discernment crisis.”

Who are the “gatekeepers” of truth?  Nicoll recalls a NOVA special featuring an astrophysicist who stated, “We’re descended from neutrinos!”  Then, after a reverential pause, he added, “They’re our parents.”  (This… from an astrophysicist?  He’s joking, right?)  Nicoll writes, “The gatekeepers have spun many an imaginative yarn about how the universe came to be and how matter ‘went live.’  But despite the intellectual charm of creative neutrinos, cosmic inflation, multiverses, emergence, abiogenesis, and the like, their ever-inventive tales remain, and will always remain, just that: tales with no more claim to truth than those of a court astrologer.”

I came across Nicoll’s article in Breakpoint (5-6-11) while trying to respond to my agnostic friend.  He’s the one who threw into the “hopper of our discussion” the quote from William Inge (see Part I, previous post).   I explained to my friend that I am a builder of relationships.  I am a woman who, because of both facts and faith, accepts and finds joy in my defined role of “helper.”  My Biblical worldview defines my role in Genesis 2:18.  “The the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ ”  (The Hebrew word for “helper” is ezer, which elsewhere in Scripture also means “assistant” or “ally.”  Thus, my blog name ezerwoman.  In no way do I find “helper” to be inferior; rather, I find order, sanity, and hope in a chaotic, insane, and hopeless world.)  As a builder of relationships and a “helper,” I could have been blessed with a brain that easily processes scientific data and enjoys doing so.  But, no.  Such a brain belongs to my husband and sons.  Nevertheless, I do possess reason and logic.  My reason and logic agrees with Nicoll when it comes to these “gatekeepers of truth.”

Nicoll writes, “The idea that ‘in the beginning were neutrinos’ that went bump in the cosmos to form intelligent beings is as fantastic (more so, really) as the Mayan account that ‘in the beginning were only Tepeu and Gucumatz . . .[who] sat together and thought, and whatever they thought came into being.’ ”

Are we witnessing an intentional change in education?  Isn’t the proper goal of education to teach students how to think, not what to think?

“Intelligent design and Darwinism,” writes Nicoll, “are controversial theories that enjoy wide currency in the marketplace of ideas.  Teaching one theory to the exclusion of others, and without presenting its weaknesses along with its strengths, is indoctrination, not education.”

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Unhooked & Set Free: Part II

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Maura is “hooked,” but she has faith in the Savior of her life.  His Word is real to her.  It will speak to her conscience.  Maura also has a friend who will be honest with her and always remind her why setting boundaries and guarding body, mind and soul is healthy and hopeful.

But, Nichole has faith in the things of the world.  She doesn’t have a friend who will be honest with her.  She, too, is “hooked,” but doesn’t realize it.   Nichole, like Maura and most every other young (or older) woman, doesn’t know about neurochemicals.

Oxytocin is a neurochemical.  It is present in both male and female, but is primarily active in females.  The female body releases oxytocin at four different times.  Take note!  Each has to do with procreation and the care of children.  Oxytocin is released:

  • During meaningful or intimate touching with another person (Action: bonding and trust)
  • During sexual intercourse (Action: bonding and trust)
  • During the onset of labor in a pregnant woman (Action: causes uterine contractions, results in birth)
  • After baby’s delivery (Action: stimulates nipples and produces flow of milk from mom for nursing)

How does the human race continue?  God said that husband and wife would become “one flesh.”  Sexual intimacy results not only in the bonding of two people, but in procreation.  Oxytocin plays a vital role in the continuation of the human race.  With sexual touch, the woman’s brain is flooded with oxytocin.  She wants to be with the man she has bonded to.  Long-term connectedness often results in healthy male-female relationships.  It is actually rare for an American woman in an intact marriage to have sexual intercourse with anyone except her husband.  Such stability is affected by oxytocin.  Think of the significance.  The bonding of father and mother greatly increases the chance for a child to be raised in a healthy, two-parent home.  Such a child is blessed, not necessarily with a perfect home (do they exist?), but with a hopeful environment for becoming all God desires them to be.

The world speaks about the emotions of love.  The emotions of connectedness.  In reality, the desire to connect is more than an emotional feeling.  Bonding is like glue.  And it can’t be undone or ripped apart without great emotional pain.

Whether Maura or Nichole realize it, they are “hooked” to the men with whom they are sexually intimate.  The flow of oxytocin serves to promote trust.  Oxytocin will trigger the bonding process even if a girl hasn’t “gone all the way,” but has kissed and hugged a boy.  For this reason, if he wants to “do more,” it will become increasingly difficult for her to say “no.”  Parents!  Do you know this?  When you allow your thirteen-year-old daughter to spend long periods of time with a boy, you are placing her in serious jeopardy.  Her protective boundary of modesty and inhibition will gradually break down with each kiss, each touch, each pledge of love… even though the boy she’s with has no intention of marrying her or having children with her.

Maura’s confession to me said it all.  “. . . It’s so very strange.  The more time I spend with my boyfriend, the more I need to be with him.”  Does Nichole find herself in the same circumstance?  Before a well-meaning counselor, Planned Parenthood clinic, or parent gets her on The Pill (or whatever), do they tell her about oxytocin?  Do they explain that she’s going to be “hooked” because neurochemicals are doing what they’re supposed to do?

The cruelty is this.  Our culture removes all the boundaries.  It encourages sexual activity among boys and girls.  Then it washes its hands by saying, “We explained how to do this safely.”  But, who turns off the oxytocin?  Maura has difficulty breaking with the boyfriend who isn’t good for her because she has bonded with him.  Nichole has been in several intimate relationships.  She has “hooked up.”  Has “friends with benefits.”  All seems so casual.  So harmless.  So sophisticated.  But, oxytocin is at work.  Every time that Nichole and her “friend” break up and she moves on to a new sexual partner, a bond is being broken.  This is emotional.  Painful.  Sometimes paralyzing.

In truth, being sexually intimate with one person, breaking up, and being sexually intimate with another is like a divorce.  Repeating this cycle again and again places a girl in danger of negative emotional consequences.  Nichole doesn’t realize it, but she is acting against — actually fighting — her own body and the way she was designed to function.  Eventually, damage is done to her brain’s natural connecting or bonding mechanism.

Sexual intimacy, as Maura has discovered, is addictive.  But, she has the hope for change in God’s Word and the honesty of a friend.  What does Nichole have?  Who will speak on her behalf?  Who will guard her body?  Mind?  Soul?

(Source: Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting our Children  by Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr., M.D., and Freda McKissic Bush, M.D.)

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Unhooked & Set Free: Part I

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2011| 1 Comment »

Maura, a young and spirited woman, invited me into her life.   She seems to welcome the experience of age and expresses the need for a “mother” figure.  Maura is intelligent.  More mature than most her age.  She has a tangible dream and works hard in college.  Maura displays all the normal feelings and emotions that come with being female.  But, there is more.  Wisdom speaks to Maura through her conscience.  The answers to my questions consistently reveal that Maura delights in all things of God… but, she is “hooked” to her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend’s words of love cause Maura to feel special.  He has demands.  She tries to please.    The warmth of his embrace encourages her loyalty.  But, his lack of commitment makes her vulnerable.  She isn’t sure how he really feels about her because his attention is easily distracted away from her.  She hopes the relationship will change.

Time passes between our visits.  We have talked at length about our identity as creations of God, so every now and then, I remind her of her value by mail or text.  Maura almost always responds with a request: “Can we get together?”  At lunch or on a walk, she brings me up to date.  She is busy with work and studies.  When the conversation turns to relationships, Maura smiles when she talks about her dad.  “I’m happy when I’m with him.  I feel safe at home.”  But, when I inquire about her boyfriend, Maura’s smile always fades.

During our last visit, Maura seemed less confident.  More sad.  She uttered not one positive or hopeful word about her boyfriend.  “So,” I asked, “why do you stay with him?”  Her shoulders drooped.  She stared past me for a few seconds.  Sighed.  Then shuttered.  “He isn’t good for me,” she confessed.  “But, it’s so very strange.  The more time I spend with my boyfriend, the more I need to be with him.”

The honesty of our friendship compelled me to take a deep breath… then look into her eyes.  “Maura, you’ve fallen into a bad habit.  You’re hooked.”  Tears that flowed were evidence of the tug-of-war for Maura’s heart.  Mind. And soul.

Maura is “hooked” not because she is uneducated, but because she is wrongly educated.  The culture has told her: “We are sexual from birth.”  (What does this mean?)   Maura is “hooked” not because she missed out on “Sex 101” but because she was encouraged at a young age to “be comfortable with” her “sexuality.”  Maura is “hooked” not because she is rebellious, but because she followed the rule: “Be responsible by practicing safe sex.”

Planned Parenthood-style sex education instructs in the act of sex, sexual fantasy, contraception, abortion, self-pleasure, gender role stereotypes, sexual diversity, HIV/AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases.  Maura’s well-meaning school, counselors, and adult mentors probably followed SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S.) guidelines, thus believing they had provided everything Maura and her peers needed to know.

Sex education seems comprehensive, doesn’t it?  Would appear to reveal all the facts, right?  Then why is Maura, like countless other young women, in conflict with herself?  Why is her soul troubled?  Does her heart ache?  Are her thoughts confused?   Because, observe physicians, psychologists, and biologists, some vital information has been kept from Maura and her generation.  I agree.  Truth has been withheld.  That truth is: Male and female are different.

Militant feminists deny this difference.  They’ve been working feverishly to repress this difference so that women can shed their role of “helper” and, instead, compete with men.   So, everything girlish and womanly is minimized, managed, and sadly misguided.  No one informed Maura that her female brain predisposes her to yearn for love, understanding, connection, and communication.  No one informed Maura that her chemistry promotes attachment and trust of her boyfriend.  No one told Maura that her female wiring causes her to take risks by overlooking her boyfriend’s shortcomings.  Maura’s unique physiological vulnerability to intimate behavior was never explained because that would be a “gender stereotype.”

Maura knows her relationship isn’t what it should be.  As a Christian, she knows it isn’t what God desires for her.  But, even if she wasn’t a Christian, she would sense that something was wrong.  What is wrong is that educators in “sexuality” have failed girls and boys.

As a “helper,” I have promised not to fail my young friend by fooling her.  Or manipulating her.  There is one truth for Maura… and all the rest of us.  It is the truth of our design.  Divine design.  This design by God is evidenced by our anatomy.  Pure biology and scientific study.

Sure.  This messed up world complicates everything.  We may be “hooked” into harmful relationships.  But, Maura matters.  So, we are discussing a new life — unhooked and set free.  Set free to be all she was created to be.

(Recommended reading: You’re Teaching My Child What? by Miriam Grossman, M.D.)

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