I’m still wondering: Why did publication of the article, “Child Abuse” (an original post of ezerwoman), bring an angry response from a Christian author on “sexuality?” Might this response be similar to the response of a woman angered by her pastor’s pro-life sermon? Pro-life pastors have learned by experience that when they speak God’s Word on abortion, it’s not unusual for a woman to respond in anger because she is either in denial over a past abortion or maintaining a defensive posture.
For many years, I’ve been made aware of certain choices, behaviors, defensive reactions (i.e. “abortion is the lesser of two evils”), and cover-ups within my own church. Indeed, we are “saints and sinners,” but can we encourage the “saint” without calling to accountability the “sinner”?
Silence is not a virtue, not when virtue itself is being mocked. Disrobed. Stolen away.
Why would concerns about protecting virtue and modesty cause anger? Why would someone take offense when others caution against breaking down naturally protective inhibitions, or putting children in harm’s way with too much information too soon (and then expecting them to “wait”), or raising curiosity about all kinds of “sex,” or borrowing tools and techniques from non-Biblical models, or choosing the word “sex” to describe the subject matter rather than “purity”? To bring clarity, I’ve been digging out old phone logs, journals, scribbled notes, research papers, and stories from pastors, teachers, parents, and students I’ve met along the journey. We are in a marriage-breaking, family-fracturing, child-hurting, soul-risking mess. I wish I could word it better, but simply put: I’ve seen too much on my “watch.” And… there is a shameful lack of accountability.
Bearing that in mind, I’m further determined to hold myself accountable. First to my Savior and, next, to those who put their trust in Him rather than human opinion. Dealing with sensitive and difficult issues, even finding myself in conflict with well-meaning Christians, requires the good counsel of wisdom. I make a practice of running my thoughts by my husband because I need his logic and practical sense. He has a “three day rule.” Give major decisions or responses three days. Write the letter. Make the phone call. Speak up… but, when possible, only after three days. In addition to my husband, I seek the counsel of a core group of pastors I’ve come to trust over the years. I seek the counsel of wise women who properly understand the role of “ezer.” By surrounding myself with a group of people who have also seen Christians build on the wrong foundation when it comes to “sexuality” — and then witnessed the consequences and mourned with hurting people — I hope to be faithfully encouraged to the highest standard. The standard of God’s Word. The Word that exhorts us to “speak up” when wrong things are happening and human lives are at risk.
Silence is not a virtue. That’s what a woman told me following a Titus 2 Retreat. She explained years of childhood sexual abuse that led to promiscuity, abortion, and despair. She wanted the cover-up to stop.
Silence is not a virtue. That’s what several men and women told me when thirty years of sexual abuse of children by their Christian school principal came to light. They wanted the cover-up to stop.
Silence is not a virtue. That’s what a young woman told me after being encouraged by Christian parents to date older, more “experienced” men. When she became pregnant by an “experienced” man, money was handed over for an abortion so that the daughter “wouldn’t have her life ruined.” She wanted the cover-up to stop.
Silence is not a virtue. That’s what a Christian youth director told me after marrying his Christian sweetheart. But, because both had learned about sex early and encouraged to be open about their “sexuality,” each had bonded to several others before the youth director and his sweetheart married. The marriage was troubled for a long, long time. He wanted the cover-up to stop.
Silence is not a virtue. That’s what an older woman told me who admitted that, for years, she was taught to be comfortable with her body, her “sexuality.” In boy/girl classrooms, inhibitions were stripped away. Seeing herself as a “sexual” person, she played the “game.” When she captured a man’s attention and certain expectations followed, she grieved her loss of innocence. She wanted the cover-up to stop.
Silence is not a virtue. In a few short years and close proximity, four pastors within my Christian denomination apparently saw themselves as “sexual persons” with a “need” to act out their “sexuality” rather than as human persons created by God to live as men under Christ’s robe of righteousness. One openly embraced his homosexuality, left my church body, and became an Episcopalian priest. Another was charged and arrested for “lascivious acts with a minor and third degree sexual abuse.” Two more were caught in a prostitution sting, one of them the former pastor of my home congregation. Is the response to this: “Forgive me! Love me! Let’s go on with life”? Or, do we want the cover-up to stop?
Christians may think they are different from the world when Jesus is wrapped around everything we say and do. But — you’ve heard me say it many times — Jesus does not wrap Himself around worldly things. Christians may believe they are helping others toward a brighter future. But, if they’re using styles and techniques learned from any source other than God’s Word, then the outcome will have undesirable consequences. God brought to Adam and Eve new emotions of embarrassment and shame with their nakedness and sin. He covered that embarrassment with clothing and that shame with Jesus’ robe of righteousness. We must honor that covering, even when a modern sex educator insists: “No need for modesty! Don’t be embarrassed! Be comfortable in your glory!”
When we see bad things happening and people being confused, hurt or — most tragic of all — tempted away from the Father God, we cannot be silent.
Silence is not a virtue when virtue is being stolen away.
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