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Posts Tagged ‘Christian sex ed’

Americans are waking up to the fact that we have sexualized our children.  They are appalled by the sensual dress of girls starting at early ages. They are worried about boys’ early addictions to pornography and that pedophiles lurk around many a dark corner.

I’m convinced, after 30 years of careful study, that sex talk and instruction has made boys and girls less safe.  More vulnerable.  The “sex talk” and images of TV, movies, and the internet threaten the physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness of the youngest generations.

But, how many of us are willing to admit that we’re part of the problem?  That we may have unintentionally broken down the wall of innocence to leave boys and girls more vulnerable to the pull of the world and their own human flesh?

Do you think that years of sex education, even for the best of intentions, could have anything to do with the sexualization of children?  Do you think that sex talk can raise curiosity?  Tantilize?  Stir up images?  Create a comfortableness with their fickle heart and deceptive flesh?

Let’s think about what happens in the sex ed classroom.  Boys and girls are rarely taught separately.  Beginning at a young age, these boys and girls are subjected to sex talk.  This sex talk is necessary, or so some say, because we are “sexual from birth.”

But, who said we are “sexual from birth?”  Well, o.k., maybe it wasn’t God, but we are “sexual beings,” aren’t we?  Don’t our children need to hear the “right” kind of sex talk?  Sexually educated (the “right” way), won’t they be better protected from teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)?

What is the “right” way?  Is it the way we perceive it?  Educating the way we thought we should (including 30+ years of Christian sex education), do we have more or less teen pregnancy?  STDs?  Teen depression?  Abortion?  Cohabitation? Single parents?

Some people don’t like it when I refer to sex education as a form of child abuse.

Last year, an article of mine entitled “Child Abuse” was published.  The purpose was to help the Christian community recognize that we’ve let unbelieving neighbors in the land influence our teachings.  We have adapted worldly techniques and then attempted to wrap Jesus around them.  (He can’t and won’t.)  The article angered a Christian sex educator.  That anger, observed my husband, motivated me to bring order to some random notes and research.  If you will allow me to say so, I believe the Spirit was whispering: It is time.  Gather your years of experience and observations together into a helpful resource.

That resource is, for now, entitled Faithfulness: One Child at a Time.  It is a collection of questions and answers on sex education versus instruction in purity for Christian dialogue.  I’ve been encouraged by honest “editors.”  Perhaps it will soon become clear what should be done with it.

Last week, Todd Wilken and Jeff Schwartz invited me to discuss parts of the booklet on Issues, Etc.  You can find that interview here (see July 17).  Better than the interview is the PDF format which Issues, Etc. included for anyone who wants to explore some reasons for a dangerously sexualized culture.  Getting to the root of the problem, we are better able to provide a different kind of instruction.  A different kind of mentoring.  Speaking of mentoring, you may also find the document at Titus 2 for Life.

Over the next few days, I hope to post some excerpts from Faithfulness: One Child at a Time.  I’ll begin with the reasons why sex education – in or out of the church – might very accurately be labeled sex abuse.  Both Scripture and science concur.

Oh.  And there’s this to remember.  Perhaps we’ve been an advocate of sex education because we were deceived.  Fearing for our children, we may have put our trust in a particular theory or so-called expert.  Wrong thinking can be left in the past.  Truly sorry for ways we may have unintentionally brought harm, we are reconciled to God in Christ.  His Word gives us all we need to do battle with the world for the sake of our sons and daughters.

We engage in that battle by being distinctively different from the world.  Are you up for the challenge?

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A friend of mine has been trying to get the attention of her church.   Today, after nearly 14 years, God made it possible for her to speak to a small group of church leaders.  To make her plea.  To provide well-documented evidence giving justified reasons for her concern.  I prayed for listening ears.  Open hearts and minds.

I share my friend’s concern.  Motivation.  Perseverance.  Our experiences are different, but our conclusion the same.  That is:  Christians have been taken captive to the ways of modern sex education.  Nowhere in Scripture does God say to “educate in sex.”  He does tell parents to “instruct” in “purity.”  Guard the innocence of youth.  Mentor Biblical manhood and womanhood.   I want the church to be distinctively different from the world.  As it should be.  But, making this request of the institutional church is costly.  My friend knows.  She and her family have paid a high price.

I, too, recognize the cost.  Involvement.  Thirty years of researching, serving on boards and committees, writing, traveling the country, meeting with young and old,  listening to people suffering a wrong choice, and being a voice of hope.  Those who didn’t understand thought me odd.  Well-meaning folk suggested I “lighten up.”  But, the more I contrasted the world with God’s Word, the more convicted I became.  I couldn’t “lighten up.”  Not when boys and girls have their innocence stripped from them.   Not when educators try to wrap Jesus around Kinsey.  Not when parents or grandparents who’ve suffered the consequences of worldly ideology ask for my help in warning a younger generation.  But, pointing out an error in teaching troubles the teacher.   No one wants to hear that wrong teaching, no matter how well-intentioned or Gospel-wrapped, hurts children.  Makes them more vulnerable.   The whistle-blower risks being called a fool.  A simpleton.  Out of step.  There is much resistance.

Why?  Perhaps the greatest reason is pride.  Years ago, while serving on a sanctity of life task force, I was given opportunity to meet with men of influence.  I expressed concern that legalized abortion had greased the slope to euthanasia and offered documentation of the growing acceptance among Christians of “mercy killing” and “assisted suicide.”  I was silenced by a kindly church leader who told me not to concern myself.  His words were like a pat on the knee.  “You’re just a homemaker,” he said.  “You let us take care of this.”

Pride.  The pride of education.  Position.  Initials before or behind one’s name.  But, the saying is true: Pride goes before the fall.  It certainly did in the Garden of Eden.

The day came when I was confronted by a church “expert” on all things pertaining to sex.  He stood with arms crossed.  Feet planted.  Taller than me.  “So,” he said.  “I understand you have concerns about my work.”  Who was I to respond to him?  Would he, a driving force behind Christian sex education, listen to a homemaker?  A mom?  A lay-person?  His stature was intimidating, but I managed one small request.  “Please.” I said, “Guard the boundaries of modesty.  Teach what it means to be a boy or a girl first… before educating in sex.”

Pride puts well-meaning people on the defense.  Even after a “good” person has been deceived, pride says, “Hey!  I know what I’m doing here.  And, because I’m a Christian, I will do right.”  Well, that’s what Chuck Colson said before he was neck-deep in Watergate.  In his new DVD series, Doing the Right Thing, Colson admits to thinking that because he was a Christian, he couldn’t be deceived.  Couldn’t fall to wrong choices.  That’s a different sort of pride, isn’t it?  Is this also true for Christians who associate with the theory of sex education?

It isn’t that that Christian leaders want to do wrong.  They simply do what they should not and don’t do what they should.  (Sound familiar?)  Perhaps these leaders believe themselves Christian enough to stand strong.  To sort the good from the bad.   But, the deceiver is always at work.  Deception comes at the university, in study groups, on the internet, at the coffee-house,  and in animated discussion with intelligent but secular friends.   Well-intentioned Christians can actually be duped into wrapping Jesus around worldly ideology.  Sophistication.  Progressivism.  But, the Word doesn’t wrap around the world.  Jesus doesn’t… won’t… can’t wrap Himself around the world.  Jesus is the Way and the Truth and the Life.  He is Light upon the world’s darkness.

A “good” Christian leader knows this.  But, pride is an ugly monster.  As pride swells, we dig in.  We go on the defense even as we begin to feel the prick of conscience.  There is guilt when one realizes that something intended to be straight was built on a crooked foundation.  When wrong teaching or practice has coursed its way through curricula, workshops, conferences, sermons, counseling sessions, books, and media.

But, most amazingly, there is hope.  There is always hope, even in the midst of error and sin.  In humility we are strengthened by the Spirit of God who lives in us.  We can allow the alarm to sound.  We can express shame and regret.  We can apologize for wrong teaching.  We can ask for and receive forgiveness.

We can squelch pride and return to the Word.

For related topics, see “Jesus Doesn’t Wrap “Silly Myths”  (10-1-10), “1988” (1-22-11), “The Body is Our House” (1-24-11), “Damage Control,” (1-26-11), “Choices Affect Our Attitude Toward God” (2-9-11), “Too Long at the Animal Circus” (3-23-11), “Unhooked and Set Free” (5-17-11), “Unhooked: Part II” (5-18-11), “Men and the Monogamy Molecule” (5-18-11), and “Were Moms Hooked, Too?” (5-18-11)

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