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Posts Tagged ‘regret’

A friend of mine has been trying to get the attention of her church.   Today, after nearly 14 years, God made it possible for her to speak to a small group of church leaders.  To make her plea.  To provide well-documented evidence giving justified reasons for her concern.  I prayed for listening ears.  Open hearts and minds.

I share my friend’s concern.  Motivation.  Perseverance.  Our experiences are different, but our conclusion the same.  That is:  Christians have been taken captive to the ways of modern sex education.  Nowhere in Scripture does God say to “educate in sex.”  He does tell parents to “instruct” in “purity.”  Guard the innocence of youth.  Mentor Biblical manhood and womanhood.   I want the church to be distinctively different from the world.  As it should be.  But, making this request of the institutional church is costly.  My friend knows.  She and her family have paid a high price.

I, too, recognize the cost.  Involvement.  Thirty years of researching, serving on boards and committees, writing, traveling the country, meeting with young and old,  listening to people suffering a wrong choice, and being a voice of hope.  Those who didn’t understand thought me odd.  Well-meaning folk suggested I “lighten up.”  But, the more I contrasted the world with God’s Word, the more convicted I became.  I couldn’t “lighten up.”  Not when boys and girls have their innocence stripped from them.   Not when educators try to wrap Jesus around Kinsey.  Not when parents or grandparents who’ve suffered the consequences of worldly ideology ask for my help in warning a younger generation.  But, pointing out an error in teaching troubles the teacher.   No one wants to hear that wrong teaching, no matter how well-intentioned or Gospel-wrapped, hurts children.  Makes them more vulnerable.   The whistle-blower risks being called a fool.  A simpleton.  Out of step.  There is much resistance.

Why?  Perhaps the greatest reason is pride.  Years ago, while serving on a sanctity of life task force, I was given opportunity to meet with men of influence.  I expressed concern that legalized abortion had greased the slope to euthanasia and offered documentation of the growing acceptance among Christians of “mercy killing” and “assisted suicide.”  I was silenced by a kindly church leader who told me not to concern myself.  His words were like a pat on the knee.  “You’re just a homemaker,” he said.  “You let us take care of this.”

Pride.  The pride of education.  Position.  Initials before or behind one’s name.  But, the saying is true: Pride goes before the fall.  It certainly did in the Garden of Eden.

The day came when I was confronted by a church “expert” on all things pertaining to sex.  He stood with arms crossed.  Feet planted.  Taller than me.  “So,” he said.  “I understand you have concerns about my work.”  Who was I to respond to him?  Would he, a driving force behind Christian sex education, listen to a homemaker?  A mom?  A lay-person?  His stature was intimidating, but I managed one small request.  “Please.” I said, “Guard the boundaries of modesty.  Teach what it means to be a boy or a girl first… before educating in sex.”

Pride puts well-meaning people on the defense.  Even after a “good” person has been deceived, pride says, “Hey!  I know what I’m doing here.  And, because I’m a Christian, I will do right.”  Well, that’s what Chuck Colson said before he was neck-deep in Watergate.  In his new DVD series, Doing the Right Thing, Colson admits to thinking that because he was a Christian, he couldn’t be deceived.  Couldn’t fall to wrong choices.  That’s a different sort of pride, isn’t it?  Is this also true for Christians who associate with the theory of sex education?

It isn’t that that Christian leaders want to do wrong.  They simply do what they should not and don’t do what they should.  (Sound familiar?)  Perhaps these leaders believe themselves Christian enough to stand strong.  To sort the good from the bad.   But, the deceiver is always at work.  Deception comes at the university, in study groups, on the internet, at the coffee-house,  and in animated discussion with intelligent but secular friends.   Well-intentioned Christians can actually be duped into wrapping Jesus around worldly ideology.  Sophistication.  Progressivism.  But, the Word doesn’t wrap around the world.  Jesus doesn’t… won’t… can’t wrap Himself around the world.  Jesus is the Way and the Truth and the Life.  He is Light upon the world’s darkness.

A “good” Christian leader knows this.  But, pride is an ugly monster.  As pride swells, we dig in.  We go on the defense even as we begin to feel the prick of conscience.  There is guilt when one realizes that something intended to be straight was built on a crooked foundation.  When wrong teaching or practice has coursed its way through curricula, workshops, conferences, sermons, counseling sessions, books, and media.

But, most amazingly, there is hope.  There is always hope, even in the midst of error and sin.  In humility we are strengthened by the Spirit of God who lives in us.  We can allow the alarm to sound.  We can express shame and regret.  We can apologize for wrong teaching.  We can ask for and receive forgiveness.

We can squelch pride and return to the Word.

For related topics, see “Jesus Doesn’t Wrap “Silly Myths”  (10-1-10), “1988” (1-22-11), “The Body is Our House” (1-24-11), “Damage Control,” (1-26-11), “Choices Affect Our Attitude Toward God” (2-9-11), “Too Long at the Animal Circus” (3-23-11), “Unhooked and Set Free” (5-17-11), “Unhooked: Part II” (5-18-11), “Men and the Monogamy Molecule” (5-18-11), and “Were Moms Hooked, Too?” (5-18-11)

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I could always count on the questions.  After each presentation on purity, girls — often shy, sometimes bold — would ask questions.  About boys.  Themselves.  Relationships.  Love.  Mothers brought their daughters to these events, but often stayed in the background.

Mothers were also in the audiences of the “lifestyle show” Judy Hayen and I took on the road.  The event, titled “Dressing for Life: Secrets of the Great Cover-up,” gave opportunity to address the consequences of “sexy” dress, casual attitudes about intimacy, and risky behaviors.  Clothing is fun.  But, whose idea is it?  Why does the Designer of clothing say we need more than fig leaves?  Why shouldn’t a boys hand go under a girls clothes?  The “lifestyle” show concluded with the perfect dress: the white wedding dress and why we wait to wear it.  It wasn’t the girls but the mothers who had tears in their eyes.  I know, I know.  Wedding dresses bring tears of joy to many moms.  But, I believe I also saw tears of disappointment and regret.  I know the statistics.  Too many don’t wait to wear the white wedding dress because oxytocin, not necessarily love, makes us warm and tingly.

Dozens of women have shared their abortion choices with me.  These choices were made after a touch.  A kiss.  Then the procreative act.   Oxytocin flipped the love circuit in their female brain.  There is trust.   A bond.  But physical contact and the oxytocin response it generates can blind women to a bad relationships.  These women, years after their abortions, explain to me tears of  failure.  Psychological trauma.  Heartache.  Loss.  Spiritual grief.

What were women who became mothers — of living or dead children — told about oxytocin?  What choices did they make because they weren’t told?  What were the consequences?  Is there a reason to keep from our daughters and granddaughters knowledge about their bodies?  How they are designed to function?  And why?

We are not captive to mistakes of the past.  They are forgiven because of Jesus Christ.  His death and resurrection are victory over every sin.  All we need to do is be sorry for our sins and confess them to God.  Then, in Christ, we are set free.  We are new every morning.  In Christ, we have the hope of better choices.  This hope is for daughters, granddaughters, nieces, and a neighborhood of girls.

God made oxytocin because He loves life.  He created one man to bond with one woman in marriage for life.  He joins with husband and wife in the procreational act of sex to bring new life.  He entrusts each new boy or girl to the nurture and instruction of their mom and dad.  With all of this, there is a future. There is hope.

Seems to me all ezerwomen should be talking about this.

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Last year, in Arizona, I was asked by a friend from Canada to have lunch with the daughter of her friend.  My Canadian friend knew about my involvement in Lutherans For Life and Word of Hope.  She knew a little bit of why Titus 2 for Life grew out of my experiences with women grieving after an abortion.  She also knew that her friend’s daughter was interested in starting some sort of caring ministry for women in her area who were affected by their abortions.

So, under a canopy of blue sky, two older and two younger women gathered around an informal table.  We were there to imagine:  What could be done to welcome, encourage, and heal with the amazing love of Jesus?  It was easy to see the passion in Tessie, the woman who desired to begin a post abortion group.  She wore a genuine heart on her sleeve.  But, more than the passion and heart was her conviction and the courage to speak the Truth  For, you see, without the truth, the passion and heart would not bring hope.

I offered my assistance and prayers to Tessie.  We parted ways, but promised to stay in touch by e-mail.  We have.  Tessie is accountable with her “reports” to me and a few trusted others.

In the spring, Tessie started her first group for post abortive women.    By the end of September, she had led three groups.  All of this was done by word of mouth and little posters in area churches.

I asked Tessie about the diversity of the women.  She replied,

“There have been 18 women from the three groups that I’ve led.  They range in ages from 28 to 60+.  The women are mostly Caucasian, with one Hispanic and two African Americans.  Seven are single.  Three are divorced.  Eight are married.  All of the women claim to be Christians.  Three of the women married the father of their aborted child, but one [of those] divorced years later.  Five have had multiple abortions.  Two were late term.”

The eighteen women that Tessie has encircled remind me of the women God has placed in my life.

At last count, 24 of my friends, relatives, or acquaintances have shared their abortion experience with me.  Many of these are women who came up to me after I had finished speaking about Biblical manhood and womanhood.  One woman admitted that was the only reason she could attend the event.  She said, “If you had come to speak about abortion, I wouldn’t have showed up.  But, I was curious about living as a Biblical woman.”  She went on to explain, “When you shared the story of your friend who had an abortion, how did you know?  You were speaking to me.  That was my story.”

Of the 24 women in my “circle” who have suffered an abortion, 18 are Lutheran.  Two are the wives of Lutheran pastors.  At least three have had more than one abortion.

One of the women is someone I’ve known a long time.  We’ve traveled different paths and, because of that, our experiences have resulted in very different consequences.  One day, quite unexpected, she shared a receipt from Planned Parenthood that she keeps in her billfold.  She also shared a cut-out picture of a little girl that, she explained, may have looked like her daughter.  God has done a healing work on this woman.  She will live with the regret the rest of her life but, every morning, she looks in the mirror to see the Robe of Jesus’ Righteousness wrapped securely around her.

Another woman and I nearly lost our friendship after her abortion.  I think it was the first time I realized how divisive the double-edged Sword of God’s Word really is.  She knew she was living on the wrong side of the Sword, but had to defend herself.  In time, that Sword pierced through the denial to change the heart and mind of a beautiful and forgiven woman.  This friend has motivated me to make myself available to women everywhere — through speaking, writing, and the Titus 2 for Life ministry.

To all of these women, God has Words of promise:

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.  For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.  I acknowledged my sin to You, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and You forgave the iniquity of my sin.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound . . . to comfort all who mourn . . . to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes.

(Psalm30:5b; 32:3-5; Isaiah 61:1-3)

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