Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Ezer’s Handbook #2: Mentor Confidence in the Created Order

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged baptism, did God really say?, doubt, God's Word, good steward, helper, holiness, holy ones, Holy Spirit, identity, marriage, sexuality, singleness, submission, truth on March 13, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Ready for a second opportunity? Here’s #2 from Ezer’s Handbook —

#2 — MENTOR CONFIDENCE IN THE CREATED ORDER

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Find Hope in the Order of God’s Creation. Woman was not created at the same time, in the same way, or for the same purpose as man (Genesis 2:7, 15-22). But many women perceive the role of “helper” (2:18) as being inferior or second-best. Encourage younger and older women in your circle of relationships to read John 14:16, 26; 15:26; 16:7-8. Who is “the Helper” of whom Jesus speaks? “Helper” in Greek is parakletos which means “comforter” or “advocate”. “Helper” might also mean “encourager” or “ally”. The question for women is: how will we choose to help or encourage? Submission is another troublesome word for us as women, but a biblical perspective helps bring understanding. God uses the order of His very nature—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—to bring hope to a sinful people. The Trinity is equal, but with different and definitive roles. Jesus Christ is God, yet He submitted Himself to the Father for the sake of our salvation. To bring order out of chaos, God uses the headship of husband and father in marriage and family for the benefit and well-being of children and society. God uses the submission of the Son, Jesus Christ, to save His Bride, the Church, and serve with humility. What begins to change when we understand “helper” and “submission” in light of God’s Word rather than our own opinion?

Trust the identity bestowed in Baptism. A woman’s identity is not dependent on a man’s love, her appearance or what she does. God does not define a woman as “sexual,” but as “holy”. In Baptism, a woman becomes a daughter of God in Jesus Christ. Yes, she is still a sinner, but now God sees her covered in Jesus’ robe of righteousness. From a biblical perspective, the word “holy” means “set apart by God”. “Holy” is the opposite of common. Something common can be used by anyone, but a holy woman is used by God for good and holy purpose. In light of her Baptism, how can a woman view herself? How does true identity affect our choices and behavior?

Believe That Male and Female Are More Than Sexual. Too often, we skip from Genesis 1:27 to Genesis 2:24. In doing so, we miss something very important about the complementary purpose and vocation of male and female. Before God brought Adam and Eve together as “one flesh” in His institution of marriage, He called man to be a steward of all that He had made, to remember God’s Word, and to choose life. God called woman to help man in the stewardship of all creation and help him remember God’s Word and choose life. Do men and women have to be married in order to serve God in these ways? Although it has become commonplace during the last 50 years for men and women to be identified as “sexual beings,” we are more than that to God. While it is true that God designed male and female in the faithfulness of marriage to procreate, it is just as true that unmarried men and women are “holy” in Christ Jesus and can work together as caretakers of God’s world and be people of His Word and advocates of human life. We are not defined by our sexuality—in this life or the next—but by our holiness. What do Jesus’ words about marriage in Matthew 22:30 tell us about our “sexual” identity? To help yourself and others better understand true identity as male and female, google The Failure of Sex Education in the Church: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity (publication release: May 2014 by Linda Bartlett). We can help others understand that no matter our age, health or circumstance in life, every male and female has unquestionable identity and purpose as “holy ones”.

Stand Guard Against the Enemy of Life. Satan despises God’s order of creation because he wants us to live in chaos. His one question, “Did God really say . . .,” was all it took for Eve to doubt God’s Word for her life (Genesis 3:1). In doubt, Eve loosened her grip on the Sword of Truth. Did she believe that she was the privileged recipient of some new knowledge that God was keeping from her? Do you see how quickly she not only spoke for God but inserted words God never spoke (compare Genesis 3:2-3 with 2:16-17)? Nothing has changed. Satan continues to stir up doubt by asking women the same question. “Did God really say . . .?” Like Eve, do we respond by speaking what God does not about sexuality, marriage, abortion, headship and women’s ordination? Do we try to establish our own standard of right and wrong? Challenge yourself to help younger women fear, love and trust God above all things. Help them to recognize what is counterfeit and of Satan by knowing Jesus Christ, the Word of Truth (John 1:1-5, 14).

What’s next? #3: Mentor Biblical Womanhood

Ezer’s Handbook is a resource developed by
Linda Bartlett and presented at Titus 2 Retreats

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Parental Pondering of Purity, Mystery and Modesty

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged abortion, abstinence, agape love, children, chivalry, clothing, family, fathers, forgiveness, Genesis, life choices, marriage, morality, mothers, prolife, sexuality, virtue on January 30, 2014| Leave a Comment »

God entrusts children to parents.

Parents are called by God to guard the innocence of childhood. This is a serious challenge in today’s society. From early on, boys and girls are surrounded by the visual images and messages of a highly sexualized culture. The Christian parent may feel overwhelmed by their role. But parents today—as always—are equipped for the job. The Word of God is sufficient. The Bible provides all that is needed to help boys and girls respect themselves and others, understand why male and female are not the same but complementarily different, resist temptation, and protect human life from the moment of conception. When sin and failure occur, the Bible points the way to forgiveness and hope in Jesus Christ.

One topic that perhaps most intimidates and even confuses parents is sex and sexuality. Sex education sounds like a good idea, especially if it is taught in a Christian environment; however, the origin of sex education is not biblical. It is founded on a humanistic and secular theory.

A zoologist and follower of Charles Darwin by the name of Alfred Kinsey concluded that children are “sexual from birth” and can enjoy and benefit from early sexual activity. He believed that society should reflect his “science” by altering its moral codes. Thirty years of study by researchers such as Judith A. Reisman, PhD., prove that Kinsey’s research was built on sexual experiments by known pedophiles on children ages five-months to 14 years. The research was both fraudulous and criminal; nevertheless, it accomplished what it intended. By the 1960s, Kinsey and his followers were recognized as the “experts” on matters of “sexuality.” Kinsey associates and students opened the doors of SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S.) and partnered with Planned Parenthood to aggressively make their way into schools and churches. Pro-homosexual and pedophilia groups were emboldened. Over the next fifty years, moral codes based largely on the biblical worldview were dangerously compromised. Never before had anyone considered a child to be “sexual” in the way that Kinsey meant, but today children are sexualized not only by the media but in sex education, health or “family living” classrooms. The innocence of children is stripped away in classrooms where boys and girls together learn about their bodies, what their parents do in the bedroom and what it means to live a “sexual” life.

God Calls Us to Holy Living.

God does not call His children to be “sexual.” He calls His children—of all ages— to be holy. Therefore, the Bible does not educate in sex, but instructs in purity.

Purity is not prudish. It is prudent. Purity is not Victorian and antiquated. It is God’s plan for children and adults whether married or single.

Purity focuses on our identity as redeemed sons and daughters of God in Christ Jesus. God says, “Be holy for I am holy” (1 Peter 1:16). We are “vessel[s] for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:21). Daily remembering our Baptism, we see ourselves not as “sexual beings” captive to instinct and desires, but as heirs of the promise and clothed with the righteousness of Christ (Galatians 3:27-29).

Purity is about more than abstinence. Abstinence says, “No, I can’t be sexually intimate right now.” But purity says, “Yes, I can be the male or female God created me to be right now.” Instruction in purity begins with an explanation of biblical manhood and womanhood. It draws attention to the many ways that male and female, of any age and married or single, can work, worship and serve together without a hint of sensuality.

Purity is about God’s design and order for life. It is also about mystery and modesty. God’s Word says, “Do not awaken love or arouse love before its proper time” (Song of Songs 3:5b). This is why purity must be nurtured in a special garden tucked safely behind a protective fence. That fence is the boundary of home. God entrusts the training of children to their parents. Children trust parents. The Church supports parents by equipping them with God’s Word of Law and Gospel, the catechism, and models for instruction.

Purity is nurtured in an environment where modesty is preserved. This is not a classroom where boys and girls together learn about sex or sexuality. It is nearly impossible to train in purity when intimate topics are discussed between boys and girls in a common and casual manner. Why? Because holy people and the behavior God expects from them are not common but, rather, uncommon.

Modesty emphasizes the importance of the sexual organs (which God placed out of view and behind hair, 1 Corinthians 12:23) reserved for the special and honorable use within marriage. Rather than trying to remove embarrassment (a natural protection from God in a sinful world), adults should do everything they can to maintain modesty. A father can best explain to his daughter that there is mystery in more clothing rather than less, and that a girl’s behavior can raise—or lower—a boy’s standard of thinking and behavior. A father can encourage his son to guard a woman’s virtue and lead him away from the “temptress” (Proverbs 7).

Purity grows from the truth of Genesis. The first man and woman were created in a complementary but different way, each with a unique and vital role. Purity understands that a man is a good steward (Genesis 2:15) and defender of life (Genesis 16-17) who takes a stand against evil. The man is to lead, not as lord and master, but as one who goes first to make sure the path is safe. Purity understands that a woman, as a “helper” (Genesis 2:18) and a “rib” or “pillar” (Psalm 144:12b), is strong and supportive, yet vulnerable to abuse. Purity understands that a woman, as the bearer of life, has the most at stake; therefore, it places her within protective, yet pleasant boundaries.

These boundaries are drawn by God to respect the physical and psychological differences between male and female. Woe to those who attempt to erase these boundaries by pretending that boys and girls are “the same”. Woe to the adults who remove the protective covering of modesty and desensitize children. Woe to the adults who dangle the carrot of joyful marital union in front of children but then tell them to “wait” for marriage after graduating college and securing a job.

God Gives a Model to Parents.

God has given all parents and grandparents a model for the instruction of purity in Titus 2:3-8. Older men are to mentor younger men by being examples of sobriety, dignity, self-control, sound faith, agape love, and steadfastness. In addition, older men are to model the sacrificial love of Jesus (Ephesians 5:25). This love is shown today by men who defend the honor of women, rescue children from abortion, and guard the door of homes. For a young man, it means treating all girls as he wants his sister, mother, grandmother, and someday-wife to be treated.

Older women are to mentor younger women by being examples of goodness, self-control, purity, homemaking, kindness, and respectfulness for God’s orderly design in marriage. In addition, older women can contrast the “temptress” with the holy woman who calls attention not to self but God (1 Timothy 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:3-4).

If there is no father present or involved, mothers can point both sons and daughters to their Heavenly Father who is very present and involved in the lives of His children. Timothy was raised to purity of faith and behavior by his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5).

Parents can be confident in raising sons and daughters to a life of purity. They need not be intimidated by the world—or by their own past. Sins that have been confessed to God are forgiven and forgotten. Parents can show children the way to the Cross every time a wrong choice is made. Parents, with the help of the Holy Spirit, can help sons and daughters resist the temptations of a self-focused and sensual world.

It is an awesome thing to know that the God who calls us to holiness also saves us when we are not. Even when all seems lost to sinful people, we can reclaim our purity in Jesus.

Jesus Christ came to live among us. He experienced human emotions and feelings. He knows our weakness. But for our own sakes, He calls us to lives of purity. Purity does not seek its own way. It models biblical manhood and womanhood. It raises standards for behavior and encourages self-control. Purity guards body, mind and soul. It lays a foundation for friendship, marriage and family.

Purity anticipates a future of hope.

(Available in brochure format #LFL903T from http://www.cph.org)

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Living Impatiently… or With Anticipation?

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, tagged agape love, dreams, future of hope, goodness of God, memories, patience, preparation, promise, waiting, wedding day on December 30, 2013| 1 Comment »

A young friend of mine is excitedly planning her wedding. She confesses, “I’m so happy but, at the same time, so impatient. I just want the day to come.”

It’s a fact of life that we must often wait for the good things that our hearts desire. But impatience while we wait is such a waste of time.

So here is a challenge to my young friend and to myself. Let us turn our impatience into anticipation. Let us use today as an opportunity to anticipate every good and perfect gift that God holds for tomorrow.

Let us open our eyes to the wonder of God. He not only gives us good things worth waiting for, He gives us hours and days to prepare and dream.

And long after the good things have come, He gives us memories to ponder.

For my young friend, however, God has even more than memories in store. He has new days to be lived as the wife of her husband. As his partner. His friend. His helper, encourager and advocate. Together, they will dream more dreams. Make plans. Build. They will frustrate and disappoint one another. But together, every moment of impatience can be transformed into a time of anticipation.

Anticipation is hope. Hope for goodness, mercy and positive change. And hope in the God of life never fails.

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Joseph and His Rib

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Relationships, Vocation, tagged Adam, Bible, change, Christmas, courage, disappointment, Eve, faithfulness, fear, Garden of Eden, God, hope, humility, Jesus Christ, leadership, Virgin Mary on December 20, 2013| 1 Comment »

Joseph, a young man from the house of David, was probably like every other soon-to-be husband: nervous, but excited all the same. That is, until his fiancée came to him with shocking news. Mary was pregnant, but Joseph was not the father. The world, as Joseph knew it, had collapsed around him. He felt betrayed, hurt, angry. Break the engagement, whispered his pride, and walk away from this woman.

Everything had changed. Plans were ruined. Reputation was at stake. Unchartered territory lay ahead. At this precarious moment in his life, Joseph had nothing to hang on to… nothing, that is, except the Word of the Lord.

The Word gave Joseph courage. “Don’t be afraid!” It was the word that showed Joseph how to be faithful. “Take Mary as your wife. She will give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus” (Matthew 1:20-21).

Perhaps, in holding on to the Word, Joseph remembered the experience of his ancestor, Adam. Perhaps, in a moment of truth and with eyes focused, Joseph could picture Adam standing next to his wife, Eve. Perhaps, with wisdom only from the Holy Spirit, Joseph recognized the significance of Eve’s creation by God from man’s rib.

God made (literally: “built”) woman using part of man. With this, He established their relationship within the order of creation. A rib is structural; it supports. A rib guards and protects the heart and breath of life, yet it is vulnerable. Under attack, it can easily be fractured or even broken. Satan despises the order of creation that God uses to protect the man and woman He so loves. So, that day in the Garden, Satan set his target and went straight to Adam’s rib. The man was responsible for using God’s Word to cover his wife, yet he did nothing. Joseph knew the consequences that followed.

Perhaps, with discernment only from God, Joseph understood that he must not repeat the sin of his ancestor and do to his rib what Adam had done to his.

Perhaps, in remembering what Adam had failed to do, Joseph was given the courage to cover his wife, Mary, and lead her to safety. Let the village talk! Adjust carefully-made plans! Trust the Word of the Lord! Although it meant leaving his zone of comfort, Joseph did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him to do. He covered his rib by taking Mary as his wife. And, when Mary’s child was born, Joseph named Him Jesus.

God wanted Joseph to make a difference – a difference that would impact the world. But, such a difference could be made only by being faithful. Such faithfulness required that Joseph leave all that was familiar and put his life and the life of Mary into the hands of God.

Today, when a young man pressures his girlfriend to have sex, he is leaving her physically, emotionally, and spiritually vulnerable. He has placed his “needs” before hers and, in so doing, left her open to attack. When a man does not promise to love, cherish, and cover a woman with his name, but simply share living quarters and a bed, he is leaving her open to attack. When a man fathers a child but does not accept the privilege and responsibility of being a daddy, he is leaving both mother and child uncovered and vulnerable to the world.

But, when a man remembers God and His call to leadership, he is able to make a difference. A young man who guards his girlfriend’s virtue makes a difference. A husband who remains true to his wife makes a difference. A dad who understands the privilege, responsibility, and generational influence of fatherhood makes a difference. Men of faithfulness have a grand opportunity to defend against chaos and leave a legacy of hope.

Convenience told Joseph to walk away from Mary. Self-defense told Joseph to think of “number one.” Pride told Joseph that he could do better. Fear told Joseph to hide. But, God told Joseph not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife.

Joseph did what the angel of the Lord commanded. He covered Mary, his rib, and the unborn Child whose heart beat under her own. And, after the Baby was born in the most humble of circumstances, Joseph named the Child Jesus. Through all the frightening days ahead, Joseph remembered the Word of the Lord. And the Lord did not forget Joseph. In the midst of danger, the angel of the Lord warned Joseph. When uncertainty abounded, the angel of the Lord directed Joseph.

It’s true that life wasn’t ever the same for Joseph. It certainly wasn’t what he had planned. But, Joseph remembered the Word of the Lord. And, in doing so, he received courage to do what was asked of him. Joseph was faithful to cover Mary, his rib. He raised her Son Jesus in a godly home and took Him to worship. Some 2000 years later, the Boy who grew to be a Man in the house of a carpenter is still changing lives.

Joseph made a difference.

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The Hopelessness of Separating Procreation from Sex

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Citizenship, Commentaries of others, Culture Shifts, Life issues, Relationships, tagged childless, extinction, family, future, humanity, Japan, love, marriage, procreation, relationships, sex, trends on October 28, 2013| 1 Comment »

Eric Metaxas from Breakpoint (10/28) brings something to Ezerwoman’s attention. Having been concerned about the separation of procreation from sex here in the American culture, I find the following worthy of our attention. Eric Metaxas writes:

Long-time BreakPoint listeners know about Japan’s catastrophically-low birthrates: by 2060, Japan’s population is projected to fall by a third, the same percentage killed by the Black Death in 14th-century Europe.

Japan’s demographic decline has spawned some creepy adaptations, such as lifelike talking dolls for elderly Japanese without grandchildren, or the borrowing of other people’s grandchildren for a day.

Attempts to encourage child-bearing through economic incentives have failed, as they have in other countries with low birth-rates. Younger Japanese aren’t interested in reproducing themselves.

And now, according to a recent article in the UK’s Guardian, they’re increasingly uninterested in sex, as well.

A 2011 survey found that 61 percent of unmarried men and 49 percent of unmarried women between 18 and 34 were not involved in any kind of relationship. Another survey found that a third of those under thirty had never dated.

Daily_Commentary_10_28_13M More ominously, a study by the Japan Family Planning Association revealed that 45 percent of all Japanese women between the ages of 16 and 24 “were not interested in or despised sexual contact.” More than a quarter of their male counterparts felt the same way.

As the Guardian puts it, “Japan’s under-40s won’t go forth and multiply out of duty, as postwar generations did.” Why? Part of the reason has to do with Japanese attitudes to women in the workforce. As one 32-year-old woman told the paper, “a woman’s chances of promotion in Japan stop dead as soon as she marries.” The assumption is that she’ll become pregnant and have to resign.

While that helps to explain why her generation isn’t having children or even getting married, it doesn’t explain the lack of interest in sex. And it certainly doesn’t explain why an increasing number of Japanese men aren’t interested in it either.

One 31-year-old man spoke for many of his peers when he said, “I find some of my female friends attractive but I’ve learned to live without sex. Emotional entanglements are too complicated . . . I can’t be bothered.”

“Can’t be bothered.” Or mendokusai in Japanese. (Didn’t think I could speak Japanese, did you? Well, I can’t.)

Most of the other possible factors the Guardian cites, including “the lack of a religious authority that ordains marriage and family,” are only partial explanations. Japan’s “precarious earthquake-prone ecology that engenders feelings of futility, and the high cost of living and raising children” don’t explain the increasing lack of interest in sex. But here’s something that does: it’s the lack of interest in having children. The assumption of the sexual revolution was that, having severed the link between sex and procreation, the result would be “better sex.”

Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B But the Japanese experience suggests that the opposite may be closer to the truth. Having stripped sex of one of its God-ordained purpose, we turned it into just another pleasurable human activity, albeit one that often comes with complicated emotional entanglements.

Since the “urban pastimes” available to younger Japanese provide pleasure without the entanglements, sex can seem like a bad investment of time and energy. Mendokusai.

The Guardian calls Japan’s separation of love and sex “pragmatic.” But the evidence strongly suggests that there is nothing “pragmatic”—as in “dealing with things sensibly and realistically”—about that separation. We human beings simply aren’t wired that way.

In some important respects, the difference between Japan and us is one of degree, not kind. It remains to be seen if a generation of young Americans will one day replace “whatever” with “mendokusai.”

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Letter to a Friend Caught in Sexual Sin

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, tagged baptism, Cross, family, foolishness, forgiveness, glory of God, Harold Senkbeil, Holy Communion, hope, Jesus Christ, marriage, mercy, new life, purity, sex education, sexual sin, sexuality, wisdom on September 14, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Dear Friend,

It was my hope to write much sooner. I hope this finds you growing in the confidence of our Father’s mercy and love.

Our paths crossed for a time on this earthly journey. Choices you were making brought suffering to your family and those you care most about. Those choices forever changed their lives… and yours. Perhaps the sexual sin that held you captive for too long is part of the reason why I’ve been working on a project. A very difficult project. A book that I’d rather not write. The actual writing began almost two years ago, but the experiences and lessons learned over a period of nearly thirty years laid the foundation. For now, the working title is The Failure of Christian Sex Education: Mistaken Identity, Compromised Purity. I have no idea when the last sentence will be written or, if published, who will want to read it. But the book begged to be written.

Over fifty years ago, those who promoted the new concept of sex education in both public and parochial schools said it was necessary to decrease unwed pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. To parents and congregations they said, “Stop teaching so many ‘nos.’ Let us teach your children to say ‘yes’ to the wonders of sex because, after all, children are sexual, too.” They promised: “Getting everyone comfortable with their sexuality will benefit marriage.”

All that I see proves that too many of us believe the lie that “children are sexual from birth.” Kinsey built that lie on skewed research and criminal behavior. He called it science. Those of the humanist faith were waiting for such “science” to reform the whole of society, one child at a time. But children are not “sexual” (as Kinsey meant it) from birth. And we are certainly more than sexual beings, we are spiritual beings. We will live forever — either with or apart from God. The Church has forgotten to be distinctively different from the world and, in doing so, failed to encourage children and adults to see themselves as God does. As baptized persons, we are sons and daughters of God in Christ. That makes us holy. Holy means being set aside for noble purpose. We are not common, but uncommon. As such, we are useable not just by anyone but by God. What a difference it makes to see ourselves this way. Sadly, the world convinces too many of us to identify ourselves as sexual beings and that — from early on — has set the stage for promiscuity, abortion, living together, homosexuality, re-definition of marriage, pedophilia, and a great deal of sin, suffering, and separation from God. The humanists may claim some victory now, but we know Who has the final Word, don’t we? Souls are in danger… and for that reason we need to do battle with the sinful world and our own corrupted nature even as we fall at the foot of the Cross — every day — and thank God for his mercies in Christ.

My deepest sense tells me that you know what I mean. We modern sinners are no different from our first parents. Eve doubted and thought she could become god of her life. Adam failed to remember God’s Word and use it to bring order out of the chaos. Ever since, the enemy of our lives comes to us in our weakest moments, tempting us to doubt God’s strong Word. We think ourselves wise, but we are foolish. We think ourselves “good” and, most certainly, we are not. So, at the end of every day, it is a great privilege and comfort to entrust ourselves to our Savior, poor miserable beings that we are. In the morning, all things are new and, because of His forgiveness, we can begin all over again. You know this. You believed this. But wrong choices taught you how much sin hurts. It changes lives. Covered sin saps our strength. It shapes us more and more into a common vessel useable by our enemy.

However, there is hope. There is always hope! Hope came to us in the Son of God Himself. Harold L. Senkbeil wrote a revealing book entitled Dying to Live (The Power of Forgiveness). It explains what the Incarnation — the Word made flesh — means for us. Simple water, bread, wine and words work in sinful lives to make people over into new creatures. We can’t go back to Eden. We live in a dying world. But God is with us! Like Moses and Elijah, we cannot look directly at God, but God comes to us in mystery. Senkbeil calls Jesus (who is God) the “backside” of God. He is the part of God we can see. He came in flesh — to teach, to sacrifice, to die — but also to conquer Satan and eternal death. For me, this is a new way of thinking about Christ.

Consider what this means. God comes to us in the mystery of water (Baptism), bread and wine (Communion), and His Holy Word. Wow! God really has come to you and me… to all who are dying to live 🙂 I think you would like what Harold Senkbeil has to say about the power of forgiveness. May you know that power in Christ. May I know that power in Christ. And may we persevere — with our families and loved ones — on this journey through a strange and unfriendly land to our eternal home. Can you imagine? There, at the banquet table, we will be able to rest our eyes on the magnificence of God. He will no longer have to hide His fullness from us. We will know His glory in every way.

Your life took a dramatic and traumatic turn. Sin never improves us but, rather, beats us up. You have known guilt, regret and great loss of relationships. Your family, friends and loved ones have also suffered. But each new day is new opportunity. The past is what it is. We are affected by every choice that we make. Life becomes much more difficult and painful when we fail to use the Word to bring order out of the chaos of life. But no matter those choices and circumstances — no matter our sins, or lack of health or popularity — our identity never changes when we cling to our baptism. We are sons and daughters of God in Christ. Think of what this means! We really do have hope. New hope every morning!

May you cling to your baptism even as I will strive to cling to mine. I am amazed that God continues to carry me. Forgive me. Work through me. It is for this reason that I have grown in a deeper appreciation of the Divine Service. God doesn’t need my praise, but this empty vessel sure needs to be filled with His Word and Sacrament. I need to be divinely served by Him in a service distinctively different from the world… and then, in response, I can praise Him in my work, relationships and service to others all week long. I pray that you know his Divine Service in your life so that, no matter what the days ahead may bring, you will be able to say: I am not common. I am uncommon in the hands of a mighty God. I am poor. I am miserable. I am unworthy… but I am chosen as a son of God in Christ.

May you know the overwhelming mercy that only God Himself in the humility of Christ can bring to you. The Cross changes everything for us. We are no longer captive to sin, but set free to leave old ways behind. Dear friend, let us both pray for a diminished pride so that we don’t get in the way of the Spirit’s work in us, through us…

… in spite of us.

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Yes… It Does Matter Whom You Marry

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, tagged behavior, children, danger, emotional health, faithfulness, family, love, marriage, parents, personality, respect, sensitivity, wedding, woman on September 14, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The following excellent post is from THE CHRISTIAN PUNDIT. It’s worth the time and thought of any young woman who is contemplating marriage.

It Matters Whom You Marry

August 15, 2012 By RVD in Marriage, Women

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

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Sexuality, the Church and Culture

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Citizenship, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged " homosexuality, abortion, Bill O'Reilly, creation, creator, creature, deception, euthanasia, false identity, gay, God's Word, holy, lesbian, lifestyle, Scripture, sin on August 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Many people attempt to speak for God. But it is a dangerous thing to play fast and loose with God’s Word. Bill O’Reilly, who consistently reminds his listeners that he attended Catholic school, is one example. He recently told his guest, a priest, that the whole homosexual thing doesn’t trouble him. Really? And, I wonder, why might that be?

Two thoughts come to mind. O’Reilly is a deceived creature who has raised himself above the Creator. He dangerously follows the example of Eve who, after putting herself in God’s place, spoke for Him. When Satan asked, “Did God really say . . . ?” Eve responded, adding words that God never spoke (compare Genesis 3:2-3 with 2:16-17). Does O’Reilly doubt that Jesus Christ is The Word (John 1:1-5, 14)? Jesus, who is God, calls homosexuality a sin in both the Old and New Testaments.

Second, it’s quite possible that O’Reilly has no difficulty with two men or two women living a gay or lesbian lifestyle because of another deception. It is much easier to accept homosexuality as just a personal form of sexual expression when we are deceived by false identity. That false identity is sexuality.

Identifying humans as primarily sexual beings is what motivates women to aggressively support “reproductive rights” and an American president who blesses Planned Parenthood. But with little or no fear of God, men and women worship the created rather than the Creator.

Once we have been deceived to see ourselves as “sexual from birth,” our thinking, speech, clothing and behavior soon reflect the lie. When we celebrate our sexuality — rather than the God who made us — we are more easily captive to the flesh. We may, indeed, proclaim: This is who God made me to be!

Homosexuality is accepted when we believe the lie: “my body, my choice.” At the core of all issues of life — abortion, marriage, homosexuality and euthanasia – is identity. We will most certainly have an identity problem when we deny or doubt the Word of God.

God identifies us not as sexual beings, but as holy beings. God is holy. He calls us to be holy. Holiness means seeking after the things of God, not the things of the flesh. It means denying self and, instead, being a vessel for noble purpose. This goes against the grain of the world’s thinking. “Express yourself,” we’re told. “Satisfy your natural desires.” And, in this present culture, what could be more natural than expression of our sexuality which appears to be the sum total of who we are.

O’Reilly (and the rest of us who call upon the name of Christ) should take care. It is a dangerous thing to play fast and loose with things of God. Our identity – and with it, our behavior – is defined by God.

To everyone who is called by God’s name, who has been created for His glory, He says, “. . . I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine” (Isaiah 43:1, 7).

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Marriage Is the Most Important Social Act

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, tagged " homosexuality, children, cohabitation, community, culture, economy, family, Family Research Council, good citizens, health, parents, poverty, premarital sex, relationships, sanctity of human life, society, welfare on August 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Defenders of marriage at the Family Research Council recently posted a blog entitled “Why Marriage Should Be Privileged in Public Policy.” What follows is a brief excerpt.

Marriage is the most important social act, one that involves much more than just the married couple. To begin with, extended families are merged and renewed through a wedding. It is also through marriage that the community and the nation are renewed. A new home is formed when a couple marries, one open to the creation of new life. These children are the future. Marriage also has beneficial social and health effects for both adults and children, and these gifts benefit the community and the whole society. Conversely, it is through the breakdown of marriage that society is gravely harmed. The future of the nation depends on the creation of good marriages and good homes for children.

Among marriage’s many benefits to society is an increased respect for and protection of human life, since married women are less likely to abort their children than are unmarried women. Married-parent families contribute to safer and better communities with less substance abuse and crime among young people, as well as less poverty and welfare dependency. Also, married parents help prevent young people from engaging in premarital sex and having out-of-wedlock births; they are also likely to produce young adults who view marriage positively and maintain life-long marriages. Marriage brings many health and economic benefits to society and helps citizens to be more involved in communities.

Because marriage serves a public purpose–namely, procreation and the benefit of children and society–government can legitimately privilege marriage and seek to strengthen it in its policies. Other relationships such as cohabitation and homosexuality do not benefit children and society, and, therefore, should not be supported by government. There is no evidence showing that these relationships have the same positive effects as marriage. In fact, there is considerable evidence that they have detrimental effects on both children and adults.

Please read the entire post on FRC’s blog. There are a great many reasons for the government to guard marriage. All of them have to do with the health, welfare and defense of our nation and civilization as a whole.

(Thanks, Bob, for being part of the FRC team!)

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Young Women Speak Up

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged abstinence education, choice, created order, deception, discontent, faith, feminism, feminist myths, foolish women, Jesus Christ, judgmental, mentoring, model for mentoring, motherhood, postmodern myths, submission on July 2, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Another Titus 2 for Life Retreat has concluded. I am tired, but encouraged. In a culture such as ours, the need for mentoring grows daily. This was affirmed most especially this past weekend by the younger women who attended. Perhaps it will be helpful to share a few quotes from their evaluations.

I wasn’t sure what to expect . . . considering the topics, I thought it might all be too judgmental . . . but it was not. You see, I spent my childhood and good part of my young adult life wishing I was a boy because no one had ever pointed out the joy and biblical blessing of being a woman.

I will be getting married soon and this was a great springboard and encouragement for helping me understand my role in our new family.

It’s o.k. to be a woman! This retreat really laid to rest a lot of the horrible post-modern and feminist myths that were always a part of my life but were causing such pain and discontent. Thank you for being such a real person and addressing the foolish women in all of us with forgiveness.

As I approach motherhood, I wanted to attend this retreat again . . . I love how you share with us God’s purpose and esteem for women and womanly traits . . . there is no indignity in God’s design of the woman as ‘helper’ . . . it helps to remember that Christ was submissive and that the Holy Spirit is a helper.

Many of my friends are unhappy, kind of restless and certainly discontent. They hear so many voices of the world which seem in conflict with their own heart. This retreat was like ten years of godly mentoring in just a few hours!

I was afraid this retreat might be hours of anti-abortion rhetoric. Instead, it affirmed my value to God, reminded me that my Christian upbringing is not a lie, and why my faith makes me so weird to the world . . . I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that God made women not to compete with men but complete them. I’m very competitive . . . high school girls need to know about biblical womanhood.

The discussion on sex education and our mistaken identity was so important . . . I have had abstinence education for years but, no different from the culture, it was a constant focus on sex.

And what do I say to these young women?