Archive for the ‘Parenting & Education’ Category

Pilgrim Perplexities Over Youth

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Parenting & Education, Vocation, tagged children, culture, eternity, family, future, salvation, sensuality, temptation, Thanksgiving on November 27, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Would you be a Pilgrim for your children or grandchildren? Would you risk your life for their future? Many of us believe that the Pilgrims came to America seeking religious freedom. This is only partly true. “They also came,” writes Chuck Colson, “because their teenagers were giving them fits.”

Here’s some background. The Church of England was the established church in 1608. If a Christian objected to aspects of the “official church,” they were labeled a Separatist and sometimes thrown into prison for worshipping “in their own way.” A group of those Separatists escaped to Holland in 1608 because they were determined to worship as they believed they should. William Bradford, age seventeen, was among them. In his journal, Bradford noted how desperate the Separatists were becoming, not because they couldn’t worship as they wanted, but because it was difficult to make a living. Labor was grueling and some of the Separatists actually preferred prison in England to liberty in Holland.

It was not, however, the backbreaking work that motivated this group of Christians to leave Holland and set out for America. It was their children. Many of the young people who had moved with families from England to Holland were losing their faith. They were influenced by a licentious culture. They were lured by evil examples. They were turning away from their parents and living wayward lives. The Christians who had escaped from England to Holland now realized it was time to plan a dangerous journey — for the sake of their sons and daughters.

Parents have always had to take a stand against evil in the battle for the souls of their children. In the case of the Pilgrims, staying in Holland meant watching their children be tempted away from God by saloons, prostitutes and sensual living. These parents, with their children’s eternal future in view, needed to act.

Perhaps you have thought about becoming a Pilgrim. Perhaps, because your children are giving you fits, you have entertained the notion of packing them up and moving to a “safe” place away from it all. But where is such a place? For a while, the Pilgrims found new land where they could instruct their children in the way of the Lord. But soon enough, their children’s children were also tempted and giving their parents fits. That’s how it is with sinful people in a sinful world.

So what is a parent to do? We may not be able to escape the culture, but we can certainly equip our children for living in it without being of it. This requires training… training that begins in the home. Our own as well as theirs.

This Thanksgiving, we can do what the Pilgrims did. We can look at our children in light of their eternal destiny. We can be willing to do the hard things that godly parents have always had to do. We can be faithful… not trusting in ourselves, but holding fast to the Word of Life.

(With appreciation to Chuck Colson
and his devotional How Now Shall We Live, 2004)

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What Men Think About Modesty

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Parenting & Education, Sexy or holy?, tagged attraction, body and soul, clothing, influence, kindness, mind, purity, respect, sexuality, temptation, virtue, visual on September 25, 2013| 1 Comment »

At Titus 2 Retreats, one of the topics we discuss is modesty in clothing and behavior. Perhaps, on behalf of our brothers, it would be best for me to share their thoughts on why modesty matters. Please listen ~

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Yes… It Does Matter Whom You Marry

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, tagged behavior, children, danger, emotional health, faithfulness, family, love, marriage, parents, personality, respect, sensitivity, wedding, woman on September 14, 2013| Leave a Comment »

The following excellent post is from THE CHRISTIAN PUNDIT. It’s worth the time and thought of any young woman who is contemplating marriage.

It Matters Whom You Marry

August 15, 2012 By RVD in Marriage, Women

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

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For Teenage Girls

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Life issues, Parenting & Education, tagged "all about me, boys, dads, daughters, girls, Given Breath, internet, Kimberly Hall, moms, narcissism, parents, self-control, self-focus, sensual, sexuality, sexy, sons, texting, tweets on September 5, 2013| 6 Comments »

The following post was forwarded to me. Thank you, Terri! This is wisdom from another “ezerwoman.” This is true Titus 2 mentoring 🙂 Mrs. Hall, the mother of sons, expresses it so well that there’s no need for me — the mother of grown and married sons with sons of their own — to write something similar. Young women wherever you are and whatever you’ve been taught by this culture: Please read this! As for the moms of daughters (and sons), please visit Kimberly Hall’s blog “Given Breath.”

Dear girls,

I have some information that might interest you. Last night, as we sometimes do, our family sat around the dining-room table and looked through your social media photos.

We have teenage sons, and so naturally there are quite a few pictures of you lovely ladies to wade through. Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies in your pajamas this summer! Your bedrooms are so cute! Our eight-year-old daughter brought this to our attention, because with three older brothers who have rooms that smell like stinky cheese, she notices girly details like that.

I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra.

I get it – you’re in your room, so you’re heading to bed, right? But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout. What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know.

So, here’s the bit that I think is important for you to realize. If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family.

Please understand this, also: we genuinely like keeping up with you. We enjoy seeing life through your unique and colorful lens – which is what makes your latest self-portrait so extremely unfortunate.

Those posts don’t reflect who you are! We think you are lovely and interesting, and usually very smart. But, we had to cringe and wonder what you were trying to do? Who are you trying to reach? What are you trying to say?

And now – big bummer – we have to block your posts. Because, the reason we have these (sometimes awkward) family conversations around the table is that we care about our sons, just as we know your parents care about you.

I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it? You don’t want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?

Neither do we.

And so, in our house, there are no second chances, ladies. If you want to stay friendly with the Hall men, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent. If you try to post a sexy selfie, or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – you’ll be booted off our on-line island.

I know that sounds harsh and old-school, but that’s just the way it is under this roof for a while. We hope to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.

Every day I pray for the women my boys will love. I hope they will be drawn to real beauties, the kind of women who will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that my sons will be worthy of this kind of woman, that they will be patient – and act honorably – while they wait for her.

Girls, it’s not too late! If you think you’ve made an on-line mistake (we all do – don’t fret – I’ve made some doozies), RUN to your accounts and take down anything that makes it easy for your male friends to imagine you naked in your bedroom.

Will you trust me? There are boys out there waiting and hoping for women of character. Some young men are fighting the daily uphill battle to keep their minds pure, and their thoughts praiseworthy.

You are growing into a real beauty, inside and out.

Act like her, speak like her, post like her.

I’m glad we’re friends.

Mrs. Hall

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The Church Has Failed the Culture

Posted in Commentaries of others, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, tagged " homosexuality, Biblical worldview, Christianity, church, environment, hymns, Jesus Christ, judgment, millennials, religion, sexuality, sin, social justice, the Cross, worship on August 8, 2013| Leave a Comment »

In my vocation of helper, I sometimes have to do difficult things. It’s not easy for me as a Christian to point out that the Church has failed the culture, but it has. Keith Getty’s song “In Christ Alone” and Rachel Held Evans’ blog on why the millennials are leaving the church were already added to my Facebook page. John Stonestreet’s commentary reminds us that Jesus — as He defines Himself and what He has done for us — is all that matters. Thank you, sir! As for the rest of you, tell me. Do you agree with John who writes:

Recently, the Presbyterian Church (USA) dropped the hugely popular hymn, “In Christ Alone,” from its hymnal after its authors, Keith Getty and Stuart Townend, refused to omit a reference to Jesus satisfying the wrath of God.

In a powerful response over at First Things, which we’ll link to at BreakPoint.org, Colson Center chairman Timothy George quotes Richard Niebuhr who, back in the 1930s, described this kind of revisionist Protestantism as a religion in which “A God without wrath brought men without sin into a kingdom without judgment through the ministrations of a Christ without a cross.”

The response from the PCUSA, that their problem was not with God’s wrath but with the idea that Christ’s death satisfied God’s wrath, doesn’t change the fundamental problem of what George calls “squishy” theology. Theology is supposed to be true, not palatable.

Along these lines, maybe you’ve seen the recent viral opinion piece on CNN by my friend, Christian blogger and author Rachel Held Evans. In it, Evans offers her answers to the truly important question, “why are millennials leaving the Church?”

To counter the exodus of young people from American churches, Evans says it’s time to own up to our shortcomings and give millennials what they really want—not a change in style but a change in substance. The answer to attracting millennials, she writes, is NOT “hipper worship bands” or handing out “lattés,” but actually helping them find Jesus.

Amen. I couldn’t agree more.

Then she goes on, “[the Church is] too political, old-fashioned, unconcerned with social justice and hostile to [LGBT] people.” Well, okay—anytime political programs co-opt our faith, or we ignore the needy and fail to love those with whom we disagree, we do the Gospel of Christ great harm.

But when she writes that attracting millennials to Jesus involves “an end to the culture wars,” “a truce between science and faith,” being less “exclusive” with less emphasis on sex, without “predetermined answers” to life’s questions, now I want to ask–are we still talking about the Jesus of biblical Christianity?

The attempt to re-make Jesus to be more palatable to modern scientific and especially sexual sensibilities has been tried before. In fact, it’s the reason Niebuhr said that brilliant line that I quoted earlier.

He watched as the redefining “Jesus Project” gave us mainline Protestantism, which promotes virtually everything on Evans’ list for millennials. The acceptance of homosexuality, a passion for the environment, prioritizing so-called “social justice” over transformational truth are all embodied in denominations like the United Methodist Church, the Episcopal Church and the Presbyterian Church (USA).

But religious millennials aren’t flocking to mainline Protestant congregations. Mainline churches as a whole have suffered withering declines in the last few decades—especially among the young. What gives?

Well, in an another essay which appeared in First Things over twenty years ago, a trio of Christian researchers offered their theory on what’s behind the long, slow hemorrhage of mainline Protestant churches:

“In our study,” they wrote, “the single best predictor of church participation turned out to be belief—orthodox Christian belief, and especially the teaching that a person can be saved only through Jesus Christ.” This, said the researchers, was not (and I add, is still not) a teaching of mainline Protestantism. As a dwindling denomination rejects a hymn which proclaims salvation “in Christ alone,” this research sounds prophetic.

Evans is right that evangelical Christianity is responsible in many ways for the exodus of millennials. But ditching the Church’s unpalatable “old-fashioned” beliefs to become more “relevant” to the young won’t bring them back.

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Marriage Is the Most Important Social Act

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, tagged " homosexuality, children, cohabitation, community, culture, economy, family, Family Research Council, good citizens, health, parents, poverty, premarital sex, relationships, sanctity of human life, society, welfare on August 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Defenders of marriage at the Family Research Council recently posted a blog entitled “Why Marriage Should Be Privileged in Public Policy.” What follows is a brief excerpt.

Marriage is the most important social act, one that involves much more than just the married couple. To begin with, extended families are merged and renewed through a wedding. It is also through marriage that the community and the nation are renewed. A new home is formed when a couple marries, one open to the creation of new life. These children are the future. Marriage also has beneficial social and health effects for both adults and children, and these gifts benefit the community and the whole society. Conversely, it is through the breakdown of marriage that society is gravely harmed. The future of the nation depends on the creation of good marriages and good homes for children.

Among marriage’s many benefits to society is an increased respect for and protection of human life, since married women are less likely to abort their children than are unmarried women. Married-parent families contribute to safer and better communities with less substance abuse and crime among young people, as well as less poverty and welfare dependency. Also, married parents help prevent young people from engaging in premarital sex and having out-of-wedlock births; they are also likely to produce young adults who view marriage positively and maintain life-long marriages. Marriage brings many health and economic benefits to society and helps citizens to be more involved in communities.

Because marriage serves a public purpose–namely, procreation and the benefit of children and society–government can legitimately privilege marriage and seek to strengthen it in its policies. Other relationships such as cohabitation and homosexuality do not benefit children and society, and, therefore, should not be supported by government. There is no evidence showing that these relationships have the same positive effects as marriage. In fact, there is considerable evidence that they have detrimental effects on both children and adults.

Please read the entire post on FRC’s blog. There are a great many reasons for the government to guard marriage. All of them have to do with the health, welfare and defense of our nation and civilization as a whole.

(Thanks, Bob, for being part of the FRC team!)

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Did You Hear? Pastors Stood for Marriage and Won!

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, tagged African-American, African-American pastors, Biblical marriage, children, enlightenment, gay marriage, Illinois, Jesus Christ, media, Obama, Rahm Emanuel, same-sex marriage, the church, truth on July 18, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Redefining marriage to be whatever we want it to be is an idea whose time has come. Those who insist otherwise are a remnant from some unenlightened age. Or so the media appears to believe. Perhaps that’s why there was little if any coverage of a surprising victory in the state of Illinois.

Earlier this summer, the Illinois legislature took up the issue of same-sex “marriage.” A vote in favor of gay “marriage” seemed inevitable considering that Illinois is President Obama’s home state. He and both the governor and Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel endorse the practice. But a remnant from the unenlightened age was busy at work. The state’s African-American pastors were working hard to reach and convict African-American legislators. They were asking them to stand tall for the truth of marriage.

The pastors wanted the legislators to acknowledge marriage as the “institution created by God to bring men and women together for the benefit of children that can only be created through the union of men and women.”

The media informed me that this vote was taking place but then fell strangely silent. I would never have known the outcome even if I would have channel-surfed or picked up the local paper. I guess the media just couldn’t bring itself to report the stunning victory…

… of the African-American pastors. Their faithful truth-telling made a difference. Illinois did not succumb to the “inevitable.” Illinois legislators defeated proponents of same-sex marriage in a hard-left-leaning state.

I believe that significant victories in cultural debates are happening more often than we know in families and neighborhoods across the country. It’s just that the media, with a religious bent of its own, can’t seem to tolerate people who don’t share their convictions. So, rather than report the news, the media seems more intent on shaping minds.

The mantra of the media beats away, but it does not silence the unchanging Word of God. Truth is. Trusting the Truth, the African-American pastors in Illinois refused to be intimidated and went to work. Their voices and actions mattered. It matters that all of God’s people “stand tall for the truth of marriage… ” and the order of God’s creation.

But it’s too easy for the believer to fear. To doubt. To grieve the loss of morality and see only dark days ahead. We are tempted to disengage and succumb to the “inevitable.” Have we forgotten that the Word came to live among us? The Word cannot be overcome. Using that Word, the pastors in Illinois exposed the darkness and held it at bay. If they can do it, so can we.

While we have opportunity, we are compelled to speak what God has given us to say, warn neighbors away from sin, and offer forgiveness and hope to the repentant.

Come to think of it, this is how a remnant of people have pushed back against evil for a long, long time.

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Young Women Speak Up

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Culture Shifts, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, Vocation, tagged abstinence education, choice, created order, deception, discontent, faith, feminism, feminist myths, foolish women, Jesus Christ, judgmental, mentoring, model for mentoring, motherhood, postmodern myths, submission on July 2, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Another Titus 2 for Life Retreat has concluded. I am tired, but encouraged. In a culture such as ours, the need for mentoring grows daily. This was affirmed most especially this past weekend by the younger women who attended. Perhaps it will be helpful to share a few quotes from their evaluations.

I wasn’t sure what to expect . . . considering the topics, I thought it might all be too judgmental . . . but it was not. You see, I spent my childhood and good part of my young adult life wishing I was a boy because no one had ever pointed out the joy and biblical blessing of being a woman.

I will be getting married soon and this was a great springboard and encouragement for helping me understand my role in our new family.

It’s o.k. to be a woman! This retreat really laid to rest a lot of the horrible post-modern and feminist myths that were always a part of my life but were causing such pain and discontent. Thank you for being such a real person and addressing the foolish women in all of us with forgiveness.

As I approach motherhood, I wanted to attend this retreat again . . . I love how you share with us God’s purpose and esteem for women and womanly traits . . . there is no indignity in God’s design of the woman as ‘helper’ . . . it helps to remember that Christ was submissive and that the Holy Spirit is a helper.

Many of my friends are unhappy, kind of restless and certainly discontent. They hear so many voices of the world which seem in conflict with their own heart. This retreat was like ten years of godly mentoring in just a few hours!

I was afraid this retreat might be hours of anti-abortion rhetoric. Instead, it affirmed my value to God, reminded me that my Christian upbringing is not a lie, and why my faith makes me so weird to the world . . . I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that God made women not to compete with men but complete them. I’m very competitive . . . high school girls need to know about biblical womanhood.

The discussion on sex education and our mistaken identity was so important . . . I have had abstinence education for years but, no different from the culture, it was a constant focus on sex.

And what do I say to these young women?

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).

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Want to Make a Difference? View Children the Way God Does

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Identity, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Relationships, Sexy or holy?, tagged baptism, behavior, campus life, choices, education, expectations, grandparents, Jesus Christ, life's purpose, mentoring, parents, school, sexuality, sin, spiritual, teenagers, wisdom on June 22, 2013| 2 Comments »

I will never forget the mom and professional church worker who told me she hoped her sons and daughters would practice safe sex. We were serving together on a life task force and, during lunch break, she confided, “I raised them to be chaste . . . I want them to wait for marriage. But, once they started college, I encouraged them to use protection because, after all, they’re sexual, too, and I’m scared to death they’re going to be like everyone else.”

I remember the grandma who toured our local pregnancy center. She thought the best thing parents could do for their daughters was to get them on The Pill so they wouldn’t need a pregnancy test.

Then there was the single father who raised his daughter to believe in Jesus, but made sure she had the Gardasil shot and was using birth control. “I know what I was like at her age and I know she’s just going to sleep around so I have to look out for her.”

And there was the pastor who told me that he’s taken some girls from his congregation for abortions because “their parents wouldn’t be supportive of an unplanned pregnancy.” These girls are “just going to do it,” he explained. “They can’t help it . . . so I need to be there for them.”

Can’t help it? What does this say about the way adults view children?

Children are sinful human beings born into a love-to-sin-world. Do we say, “My child is a sinner. It’s just who he is, so I’m going to help him lie, cheat, and steal with the least amount of damage.” Is this how God sees children? Is this how He helps them?

When we don’t see children the way God does, then our mentoring role in their lives is compromised.

Yes, children are sinful… just like their parents and grandparents. But baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, God sees us as His adopted sons and daughters in Christ. Jesus won for God’s children the privilege of becoming heirs of the heavenly kingdom. This not only bestows value but defines purpose.

Identity matters! Our sons and daughters are not “sexual from birth” as Planned Parenthood sees them. They are not captive to instincts and desires. They are persons created more in the image of God than the image of wolves and rabbits. To see children as God does is to realize they are more than flesh and blood but spirit and, because they are spirit, every choice they make will take them either closer to — or farther from — God.

It is the children who suffer when we fail to see them as God does. Expectations for their purpose and behavior are lowered. Their future appears grim.

Identity matters. And, because it does, my grandchildren need me to remind them of what happened at the baptismal font. Their baptism “is an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to Him” (1 Peter 3:21-22). I can literally tell my grandchildren that their Lord and Savior rules! This means that someday, when they are teenagers, they won’t have to be subject to raging hormones or made foolish by lack of judgment. In remembering who they are, they will know the source of their wisdom and strength. This will affect their choices and behavior. But that’s not all.

When boys and girls see themselves the way God does, the way they view each other will improve. Relationships will take on new meaning. Think about it. If boys see themselves in light of their baptism as sons of God and girls see themselves as daughters of God, then all baptized people become brothers and sisters in Christ.

Can you imagine? I mean, really! Can you imagine the impact this would have on high school and college campuses… at the beach… in the workplace… around the neighborhood… and for society as a whole?

I can. And it renews my hope.

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Government Fails Daughters But Shame On Us All

Posted in Biblical manhood & womanhood, Faith & Practice, Life issues, Parenting & Education, Sexy or holy? on June 20, 2013| Leave a Comment »

This government has failed to defend our daughters and granddaughters.

With its blessing of Planned Parenthood, this administration embraced a profiteering assembly line dangerous to women and fatal for children. Now, the administration has decided not to fight a judge’s ruling to allow girls of any age to get the morning-after-pill over the counter – with or without parental permission. Shame on this administration.

In fact, shame on us all – parents, grandparents and the Church – for approving pills, shots, and devices for our girls instead of providing boundaries, long-term mentoring, and truth about their bodies, minds, and souls.

The young women in my life are worth defending. Because I respect them as persons, I lovingly tell them the truth. It is for this reason that I vow to continue mentoring privately in my home, one on one, and publicly through Titus 2 Retreats. I begin with an apology for the women of my generation who were deceived during a silly season of feminist fantasies. Today, those fantasies are the social norm for our daughters and granddaughters. The mantra hasn’t skipped a beat: Men and women are just the same. But, no matter how a feminist might want to manage, minimize or manipulate the female body, she cannot fool the Master Designer.

Our daughters are not the same as our sons. Girls are influenced by oxytocin. This hormone produces a warm, cuddly feeling with the touch or kiss of a boy. Oxytocin is great for married women who want to bond with their husbands, but not so great for 16-year-olds. Girls are not ready for sexual intimacy. Their pre-frontal cortex, the thinking and decision-making part of their brain, is not fully developed and ready for dependable use until the late teens or early twenties. Girls have a sensitive ecosystem. The cervix plays a vital role in female sexual health, but can actually increase a girl’s vulnerability to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) because it, too, is undeveloped. A mature cervix can better guard against infection with its layers of 20-30 cells, but an immature cervix has only one layer of cells. Might this be the reason why girls under the age of twenty are hit hardest by the STD epidemic, most especially HPV and Chalmydia? (HPV can cause cervical cancer. Chalmydia can cause pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancies, miscarriages, and infertility.) A girl’s cervix is easily penetrable and becomes a nesting place for nasty bugs whose single purpose is to multiply.

So, when our government and the laws of this land disregard the science of our daughters’ anatomy to instead guarantee them access to the morning-after-pill, how must parents with the support of the Church respond? We should confess our own failures and then press boldly forward to defend those entrusted to our care.

It is to moms and dads that God entrusts children. God does not leave parents ill-equipped but gives them everything they need in His Word. The Church is to support parents in their courageous endeavor. Shamefully, it is parents who have handed over their mentoring responsibility to government schools. Every day, in public schools across the country, the government educates our children in sex. Shamefully, parochial schools assist busy or overwhelmed parents by wrapping Jesus around government-produced sex-ed material. But whether in a public or parochial classroom, talking a great deal about sex and encouraging a child’s celebration of sexuality has sure and certain consequences for vulnerable bodies and minds lacking maturity of judgment.

The government, confident in its role of educator, also sees itself as problem-solver. Shamefully, fearful parents entrust their daughters to government-funded industries such as Planned Parenthood and chemical companies who produce the before-sex-pill, the after-sex-pill, the just-in-case-shot, and the use-it-and-be-safe-device.

God did not give to government the role of parenting. Government has no personal, vested interest in helping girls be patient for love while their bodies mature and their brains kick in gear. Government was instituted by God to guard life and the pursuit of right things, make safe the highways and byways, and stand against enemies of the state. An amoral government has more interest in perpetuating itself rather than the people it was instituted to serve.

The government and courts of law have a voice. They can mandate a policy or a procedure. But they have no hands to pick up the pieces, no arms to hold the sick and dying, no way to nurture relationships, no heart and soul to comfort the brokenhearted and hopeless.

Parents and grandparents have a voice, too. With informed voice, we must dare to speak truth even at risk of being labeled intolerant or judgmental. And, while we speak, we can do what no government can do. We can use our hands to lead away from danger, our arms to embrace the confused and fearful, our homes as safe places to mentor and nurture relationships, our hearts to love unconditionally, and our souls to bring hope in the midst of hopelessness.

Note: I highly recommend Unprotected and You’re Teaching My Child What?
by Miriam Grossman, M.D.

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